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Hello my name is Mia!, 18 y.o.
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Live! Live Sex Chat rooms Hello my name is Mia!
Date: December 25, 2022
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If she doesn't want to have sex anymore but you do, then this relationship has become a fundamentally incompatible match. You don't have many ethical options other than ending the relationship.
That said, why did this happen? She went from enjoying sex to being repulsed by it over the course of only four months. That's awfully sudden, especially for there to be no underlying cause. This is not to say you're to blame -you probably aren't- but something probably is. This is worth talking out with her.
I wouldn't put up with that for a minute. And “We need to have a conversation about something and make some changes or this relationship is not going to work.” Lay it on the line and tell it like it is. You not doing yourself or him any favor by not doing it.
It sounds like you were so attached that your anxiety caused friction and he is partly frustrated and partly having a hot time figuring out where you are emotionally. So this isn't just anxiety its attachment issues.
You need to figure out what you actually need in a partner. If you need someone that is strongly attached to you and essentially is a governing figure in your life, it may not be him. If you want to stick with him you may need to work on yourself and your attachment. You need a different therapist, because the first one clearly missed what was going on. At that point explaining yourself to him would probably be easier because you know whats going on.
I know that people can change, but it's concerning he has deliberately kept this from you. This is something that he should bring up at some point in the relationship, when things start getting serious. Maybe something like:
“Partner, things are getting serious now and I see a future with the two of us. I want us to succeed, so I want to discuss a part of my past that was a very dark and troubled time. Full disclosure, this may be a dealbreaker for you. All I ask is that you listen to me until the end. Partner, in a previous relationship I was a very angry person, which led to me abusing my then girlfriend. I have gone on to get therapy and address my anger issues. I do not see myself relapsing into that state again, but I understand that this may be a dealbreaker for you. If you have any questions, I am more than willing to answer them. If you want to leave right now, that is fine as well. Thank you for listening to me.”
He could probably talk to a therapist on how to address this with a partner, but honestly… I have to question if he has seen a therapist or if he just said “I'm not abusing anymore” and took an “I'M CURED!” type of attitude. Don't get me wrong, the first step of stopping anything is to say that you're not going to do that anymore, but there's so much work that goes into changing one's self.
Honestly, regardless of whether or not he's in therapy, he probably should have stayed away from relationships for at least 4-5 years to work on himself. It seems like this happened about maybe 3 years ago. OP was in the relationship for a year, so that means it probably happened 2 years ago, which isn't enough time to really address these types of issues.
Did not put a label on because she was not ready or would be very in and out at the same time. We would be physical 24/7 and that is what leaves me confused. Hurts like we were in a relationship and yes she is bad at communication. She is very pressing that she does not want to lose me and that being friends will be really easy Which makes me feel it’s been easy for her to let go a lot of how she feels toward me. It’s been hot for me and I just don’t know where to go from here.
No it’s not going to ruin you. You’ll feel hurt, you’ll heal, then move on. Why would you waste time with someone who doesn’t respect you and go off on vacation with a person who will try to jump his bones the moment she can? He’s willing to risk losing you. If you stay after he comes back from holiday, he’ll know he doesn’t have to worry about you leaving and he’ll continue to be around that girl.