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1. Ooof I was like that when my depression was at its worst. I was constantly late and did everything last minute because it was a struggle to gather the energy to get up and running. Also took random naps throughout the day. It got better though after I went through CBT.

   It’s frustrating to deal with and certainly not fair to you and the others waiting for her. Definitely have a serious talk with her. I’d also say figuring out why this is happening is just as important as figuring how to solve it together.

   And try not to develop a conclusion before you talk to her about it. Ultimately we can’t diagnose her for depression/ADHD/anxiety on reddit, nor can we claim to know her intentions whether it be disrespect or otherwise.

   Hope you guys work this out!

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2. ChatGPT I know you can do better than this, buddy.

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3. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

   My fiancée & I have been together for almost 5 years now, anniversary is coming up soon. We met in our last year of college & have been joined at the hip ever since.

   One of our first serious conversations when we started dating was about our thoughts on marriage, kids, where we'd live, how our lives would fit around that etc. To be fair, it was more so one of those honeymoon, head over heels thisissonew&exciting talks, but we meant it. We would periodically bring up different bits like “I can't wait to be living in the countryside” or “I want our kids to have ensuites”, random bits as they came up over the course of our relationship. Our plans, albeit idealistic, seemed solid.

   Last night, after a bit of invitation writing together, we had some wine & had a long chat about what what we are looking forward to most in married life. She said she can't wait to have a home that we own & not rent. So we can go off for months at a time & travel around Europe without having to worry about losing our place & constantly moving. I made a joke about our kids piecemeal education they'd surely have from that much chopping & changing schools. She didn't really look at me, or laugh.

   A few more glasses of wine later we go to bed. While cuddling to sleep she whispered “I don't think I want kids”. I… kinda lost my mind. I didn't yell or scream, I just left. Got dressed & started to leave. She was calling after me saying we can talk about this & to come back to bed. I really regret it, but I called her a manipulator just like her mother. I won't get into it here, it's too personal, but her mother is an utterly terrible terrible woman. I want to blame the wine but that's not fair.

   I slept on the couch, woke up feeling like shit. I still do. My fiancée won't talk to me, she's barely looking at me. I know I hurt her saying that. But I'm also hurt too. I don't want to talk about it with anyone we know. Is this even the right subreddit for this? My brain is fried & I think I'm trying to justify what I said. I don't know.

   [SMALL UPDATE]

   I tried to add a separate post, I need to wait 48 hours, so I'll just paste it here:

   Hi. I'm not a Reddit user, I'm an Instagram user who sees reposts from Reddit there. I was misguided on what this sub is.

   To the people who gave solid but nude to hear advice, thank you. It grounded me a lot. To the people who called me an abuser who never loved Eleanor to begin with & only saw her as an incubator – I have to imagine you don't live! in the real world, & that's okay, I didn't let it get to me.

   To the people asking how we never discussed the topic of kids until now (or why we talked about in passing during our first year together), we didn't. I just brought up the first time we spoke about it. We'd talk & plan around it all the time. I truly believed she was as excited as I was.

   She got back from her friend's house. I wanted to have a long talk with her, but she is spending the night there & just came to pack a small bag.

   She is still hurt over what I said, but seemed open to talk a little. We discussed therapy for myself to start up again, & after a bit we will do couples therapy. We're not certain about what to do about the wedding yet, the postpone it for a year (&lose our deposits, but that's the least of our worries right now) or to just go back to dating each other from the ground up.

   She said she never wanted kids in the first place. She said she kept saying she did so she could convince herself she did. I asked her why. I don't understand? I never once said we had to have kids. We discussed it so many times. We talked about names, if we'd prefer to live! closer to my folks or hers, how many rooms the house we will buy should have. Everything.

   She said I was her first “proper” love & she didn't want to lose me. I'm just so heartbroken. Not about the prospect of having kids, I'm just feeling a sense of loss over that, maybe I pinned my hopes & plans over it too much. But it's not a necessity. I love her for her, I've told her time & time again she is enough for me. That if we died old & wrinkly together I'd die happy.

   I'm heartbroken that she would lie to me. To keep up a charade for this long. She told me it wasn't to manipulate me, & I believe her, I truly do. I still love her so much. I don't really know how to feel about this.

   She's gone for the night now, but we will meet for lunch tomorrow to talk a bit more.

   I'm just really happy she can look at me again, & I'll do my very best to build back up her trust.

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