totally agree. the fact that she only sees him once or maybe twice a week in a relationship of that length is the indicator of how he views their relationship long before any talk of moving in imo
I had a different post planned, but when I read some of your responses I realised this chip ceremony is not really the issue. It appears your girlfriend doesn't like your mum for some reason (refusing to go to dinner with her) or has extreme parent anxiety. Whilst the chip ceremony has probably brought out some underlying unease you had about this, you need to focus on the broader issue.
I don't normally comment on these things but maybe I can offer a bit of perspective from her side.
I was in her exact position at the same age but we'd been together for 7 years. It tore me to shreds to break up with him because I really thought he was the one. We were so in love. After year 6, no dice, I STILL hung out for another year, hoping hoping hoping he'd just bite the bullet. I put off so much waiting for him to come around. I was fully open about what I wanted and I thought he was too. I'd drive myself crazy thinking he'd do it on a camping trip or even out for a walk, or in our living room for heaven sakes! Year 6 Christmas he gave me a wooden box that looked like a ring box, my heart about exploded – he handed it to me and said, don't worry it's not a ring! (It was a necklace) and then my heart sunk, and I knew I had to end it.
My biggest mistake was not communicating with him more and prying more into why he was hesitant. I figured the ball was in his park and I didn't want to push him, knowing he loved me etc etc. After a while I started to feel like there was something wrong with me. Eventually I went to counselling, gained some confidence in myself and left. 29 is not a time in a woman's life to play games, especially if she wants kids. I loved him so much but I knew I had to leave because the reality was that he just wasn't there with me. When I broke up with him he said let's get married let's get married. By then I had become so apathetic and my emotions had been all used up about the idea, and it felt like he was grasping at straws. I walked out the door and didn't look back.
Pull up your big boy pants and have an honest conversation with yourself, and then her. The ball is definitely in YOUR park, not hers. This is clearly important to her, and part of being in a successful relationship is taking care of things that are important to your S/O. Let her know or let her go dude, or she will make the decision for you.
Are you in therapy? Have you thought about changing your workplace?
I also wonder if you are someone who tends to overinterpret everything. Like someone has a bad day overall and if they say hello to you they say it in a neutral tone and not happy with a smile. Now you start to ask yourself “Did i do something wrong? Don't they like me?”
I don't know what your job is, but you are there to earn money and get your work done and not to chat with friends. If this is your first job, it is often hot to make a cut between school/college and worklife. Maybe try to just be cordial to your collegues and remember “it is work”. Get friends out of work. Of course it is great to have workfriends, but often not with those collegues who you work direct with or something happen like you experience – a fallout and you don't want to go to work.
You can just do your best and be friendly. If this isn't enough, it isn't your problem. Even if it is naked, try to be strong and wear your head high. You are a lovable person, people who don't see it aren't worth of you. Smile at them and show them what they miss.
Your boyfriend is a pussycat who didn’t want to affect his relationship with a man he knows, and his best friend, over his own girlfriend. He’s shown you that he will not defend you when you need it. Why stay with someone like that?
Keep an eye on them, request open phone/social policy. She seems to keep her stuff together so far (being honest and not sexual) but who knows what may happen in the future if she continues.
This is abusive. He will do it to your child and cause them severe trauma,
It's usually worse. Where the guy ends up wanting a second mom for a wife. Momma's boys are the creepiest.
She's not the one for you. Move on to the next one …..
totally agree. the fact that she only sees him once or maybe twice a week in a relationship of that length is the indicator of how he views their relationship long before any talk of moving in imo
I agree. There is no need for me to know where my husband is 24/7. If I need to know, I ask him. Same for him.
I had a different post planned, but when I read some of your responses I realised this chip ceremony is not really the issue. It appears your girlfriend doesn't like your mum for some reason (refusing to go to dinner with her) or has extreme parent anxiety. Whilst the chip ceremony has probably brought out some underlying unease you had about this, you need to focus on the broader issue.
It's a fwb, if you don't like it then simply end it. She's nor your gf so nbd to end it.
Babies do not fix relationships.
I don't normally comment on these things but maybe I can offer a bit of perspective from her side.
I was in her exact position at the same age but we'd been together for 7 years. It tore me to shreds to break up with him because I really thought he was the one. We were so in love. After year 6, no dice, I STILL hung out for another year, hoping hoping hoping he'd just bite the bullet. I put off so much waiting for him to come around. I was fully open about what I wanted and I thought he was too. I'd drive myself crazy thinking he'd do it on a camping trip or even out for a walk, or in our living room for heaven sakes! Year 6 Christmas he gave me a wooden box that looked like a ring box, my heart about exploded – he handed it to me and said, don't worry it's not a ring! (It was a necklace) and then my heart sunk, and I knew I had to end it.
My biggest mistake was not communicating with him more and prying more into why he was hesitant. I figured the ball was in his park and I didn't want to push him, knowing he loved me etc etc. After a while I started to feel like there was something wrong with me. Eventually I went to counselling, gained some confidence in myself and left. 29 is not a time in a woman's life to play games, especially if she wants kids. I loved him so much but I knew I had to leave because the reality was that he just wasn't there with me. When I broke up with him he said let's get married let's get married. By then I had become so apathetic and my emotions had been all used up about the idea, and it felt like he was grasping at straws. I walked out the door and didn't look back.
Pull up your big boy pants and have an honest conversation with yourself, and then her. The ball is definitely in YOUR park, not hers. This is clearly important to her, and part of being in a successful relationship is taking care of things that are important to your S/O. Let her know or let her go dude, or she will make the decision for you.
Are you in therapy? Have you thought about changing your workplace?
I also wonder if you are someone who tends to overinterpret everything. Like someone has a bad day overall and if they say hello to you they say it in a neutral tone and not happy with a smile. Now you start to ask yourself “Did i do something wrong? Don't they like me?”
I don't know what your job is, but you are there to earn money and get your work done and not to chat with friends. If this is your first job, it is often hot to make a cut between school/college and worklife. Maybe try to just be cordial to your collegues and remember “it is work”. Get friends out of work. Of course it is great to have workfriends, but often not with those collegues who you work direct with or something happen like you experience – a fallout and you don't want to go to work.
You can just do your best and be friendly. If this isn't enough, it isn't your problem. Even if it is naked, try to be strong and wear your head high. You are a lovable person, people who don't see it aren't worth of you. Smile at them and show them what they miss.
I wish you the best. You will do it❤️
This has been going on for 5 years? She might be depressed because she's not doing anything, not contributing anything and you're enabling her.
Another great idea. Being mindful and keeping an ear out for what she likes and then recording it somewhere will definitely help. Thank you
sounds about american.
She’s probably realizing that you stole her 20s with your bullshit
Your boyfriend is a pussycat who didn’t want to affect his relationship with a man he knows, and his best friend, over his own girlfriend. He’s shown you that he will not defend you when you need it. Why stay with someone like that?
Wow.
I'm so sorry. Font stay divorced for the sake of anyone.
You won't die alone. And certainly not with this loser by your side. Get free and enjoy your life!
Yeah I have. Abe just doesnt have the heart to just ignore him. He feels bad about it.
Keep an eye on them, request open phone/social policy. She seems to keep her stuff together so far (being honest and not sexual) but who knows what may happen in the future if she continues.
This is not life and death. Mellow out.