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Allan_arod, 38 y.o.
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Date: December 18, 2022
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I don't think you need advice. You are right.
Don't let you 'be that reason'. If her marriage ends then that's one thing but don't be that reason.
It feels like she's trapped and looking to escape, I think you already know the danger that you are that escape.
Do what you have written. Be her friend but keep it at arms length, if things are as bad as she says you won't have long to wait to see the intention.
If she becomes separated then that's your decision whether to become involved with the risks that come with it but you have a clear conscience that you've not caused it.
You cannot love him into having capacity to partner with you in a loving, caring way. Idk why the bar is so low for you that you’ve accepted this arrangement that to us readers seems without benefit to you and detrimental to your whole self. Perhaps therapy could help you find your center and trust yourself that your needs and requests are reasonable legitimate and also not going to be met in this relationship. You want a partner, and he doesn’t seem constitutionally capable. It’s not that he’s withholding something he has to give you. He doesn’t have it to give.
Cut the internet off. He isn't prioritizing the needs to the house or you.