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ElisionPrayX, 23 y.o.
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Date: December 6, 2022
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You are 19 dude. Are you going to die with 30 or why are you in such a hurry? You like her and enjoy spending time with her. So relax and make memories. If it evolves it evolved and if it doesn’t its still non wasted time.
Yes. So is religious grooming.
Any child that is indoctrinated into a specific religion from birth has been groomed for it.
Emotional regulation is a crucial part of healthy relationships and is not inauthentic at all. People who are incapable of regulating their emotions and compulsively act on them at all times without control cannot function healthily in adult relationships. People who cannot self-soothe and expect other people to do that work for them are not being authentic, they are being selfish.
Emotional regulation is still expressing your authentic emotions, it's just a process of being thoughtful about how you express them. Note that the person above said that one option is to say that you are feeling irritable (authentic) while still recognizing that your irritability is not your partner's responsibility to manage (thoughtful expression).
People who use “I'm just being honest” as an excuse to browbeat their partner with negative emotions have no business being in relationships until they work on developing those tools.
Seems like you are underreacting here
Telling someone to take their time and explore their feelings for somebody else because as long as that makes them happy gives them the idea that you don't really have as much in this relationship as they thought
But as honorable as your intention was you find out that you're ex-boyfriend is just taking advantage of you and lying to you and still being involved with the other person so use that as your fuel to understand that if this relationship ends it wasn't due to anything that you didn't help him and support him in
She's acting like a toxic child to be honest.
I would tell her to grow up and deal with your choice of career or find someone else.
There is no worthwhile reason to put up with it.
I’m about to cry right now. Thank you for your advice. This stuff happens to me all the time and I just don’t know any better. I just naturally assume I’m being dramatic and that I should be nicer but really it just didn’t feel right. It’s so scary to think about
Do not stay in a relationship with someone like that. That’s the only advice you can expect to get from us.
Move on and forget him, you're clearly not his first choice and is only using you as a back up until someone else comes around.
Find someone who will treat you better and wants to be with you.
You knew the deal very early on in the relationship. She was determined to have at least two children. You continuing the relationship without saying anything otherwise was essentially an agreement. You know very well that if you said no to kids or only one kid that she would have left you years ago.
She agreed to a relationship where she will have multiple children, you now have decided to not have the second child so she's going to find a relationship that meets what you originally agreed to. It's okay for you to change your mind but know that it's you who's the cause for the relationship ending. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you're the harmed party. She's the one whose soon to be ex wasn't honest with her when he changed hoping it would be too late for her to leave.
It sounds like you just have a set of boundaries that she is continually going to cross. She said she doesn’t care if other people think one of her friends is her boyfriend, but the problem is that you do. That would bother me too, that’s just how I am as a person. I don’t want other people mistaking my partner to be with someone else.
She has a right to post and hang out with who she wants to, just like you have a right to feel uncomfortable by said posts or things she does. It sounds like she is just changing her behavior to please you and isn’t happy about it, and neither are you since your boundaries are still being crossed. Find someone that will respect and share the same boundaries as you so that they don’t end up resenting you and you don’t feel disrespected or insecure. This isn’t a healthy relationship. It’s not that you don’t want her to have her hobby or other friends, it’s that her posts with other men and cute captions rightfully make you uncomfortable.
It is invasive. Trust me or move on. There is no middle ground for me.
Edited accordingly. Thanks!
I get OP being hurt by the situation, as evidently there was a perception he had of their relationship/friendship. But to me, I see no fault as such, just a bit of grey areas that would have remedied via good communication prior and after the fact (foundation of any relationship, romantic or otherwise).
Away from this the only thing I agree is there would be potential awkwardness between the dynamic of the woman in question, her friend, and OP. But everyone has a sexual history (mostly), but again it’s trust and communication. If neither of those are possible – which is appears to be the case here – then it’s a non starter. So OP is probably making the correct choice for them.
kind of ungrateful. I am an immigration and If I had any help getting myself on my own feet, I would have been grateful. I hope you build your boundaries and stick to them. sounds like these relatives are naked to please and this js time to move on.
Can't control what turns you on, can only control what you do with it.
Writing about it is pretty innocent. Probably wanna at least make sure he hides it better. People will use shit like that against him.
My first relationship, we were 18 and 17. We broke up a couple weeks before my 19th birthday. It’s a good thing too, because I would have magically become a pedophile overnight, and would have been a 19 year old dating a 17 year old until he turned 18 a couple months later.
People have grown very stupid about this topic!
Two things, one she’s that she talked about other guys to avoid getting serious with you. That’s a manipulative coping mechanisms for when she feels vulnerable. It might help her feel better but it’s not a healthy behavior for a happy relationship.
As for her past, most often when a partners sexual experiences cause upset, the issue isn’t that theyve done a lot of things, it’s that the other partner hasn’t and they feel less than or in less control because of that. More experiences mean more knowledge and a better ability to see the inexperience of the other partner and judge them as less than. Heres an analogy, let’s say you have a friend who is more experienced and more knowledgeable in the activity you’re both doing together. How do you react? Do you admit you’re not experienced and ask for advice, do you pretend you’re equal but feel awkward or jealous inside, do you avoid them for fear of theyll judge you and you don’t want to look bad and feel insecure? How do you react in that situation? The less comfortable you feel the more that shows you feel unsafe to be vulnerable, and that you have a strong need to be in control.
And this situation with your gf is the same but more pronounced as gender norms often make people think men should be more experienced and in control and women should be more vulnerable when it comes to sex. So the solution isnt to get wrapped up in your gfs past but to recognize your reaction is due to your discomfort with vulnerability and your need to feel in control. Then ask yourself, will your gf use your vulnerability against you, will she hurt/judge you or will she help you if you’re vulnerable? If you believe she’ll hurt you, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with her to begin with. If you believe she’ll help you, then use that to calm your discomfort and over time the feeling will lessen and go away as you gain experience.
Hey it is tough but I have seen much much worse behaviour and gotten through to them. I was a foster parent to teenagers as a single woman. Trust me none of kids wanted to be with me or wanted to follow my home rules. I had an entire network of support I underwent huge amounts of training. Those parenting classes I mention lol
I as everybody is telling you, and I know it naked to understand when you are living it and alone, but their are resources access the parenting classes the school is obliged to provide. Talk to social services there is an entire network out there to help you to be the parents this poor girl deserves. They maybe able to provide some respite.
You are putting everything on this nan and not on your partner. He never thought she would live with him, you call her coming to live with you an issue! This needs to stop. She will feel this feel unwanted unwelcome.
What parenting is he actually doing I do not mean fun stuff or throwing money. This is not parenting it is not creating a network or trust. What was he doing in means of co-parenting with her mother backing her up prior.
At the moment this poor girl is being let down by everybody who is meant to care for her. She acting out because she does not know how to articulate how she feels she lashing out to push boundaries. At the moment she only feels that her Nan way of acting is the only way, she needs to be shown another way.
Therefore the min the Nan is near contact the police. If they are blasé raise a complaint make them step in.
You are an expectant parent, you cannot keep throwing away a child if they are not convenient, if they do it fit into your ideals. Kids mostly never into their ideal tip for you.
Getting blackout drunk once is not alcoholism. Alcoholism is a pattern. It’s naked to know your limit, and it’s easy to accidentally go past it. Once you drank too much, that’s it, all you can do is have water and sleep it off. That doesn’t make it ok for someone to come into your room, into your bed, and grab your breasts. And it doesn’t mean it’s your fault if someone does that.
I’m a bit disturbed by the takeaway from this being “well, why did you drink so much then?”.
No I didn’t remind him again, I was just hoping he’d remember at some point :/ should i have? maybe he needed one just because it had been like a day
“To his defense”….just no. There is zero excuse for this. He's not respecting your boundaries. Cancel the date and then block him
On no planet would I feel ok with my partner's friend taking naked pictures of me, no matter how “professional” they pretended to be. Either your wife is nauseatingly naive, or she got a kick put of it.
And your “friend” is a piece of shit.
(But I'm not a detective or police officer so I don't know all the right terms to use)
Thank fucking Jesus for that. Your view of the law is batshit insane.
I try not to be cynical, but I’ve got trust issues.. it comes off very sketchy that she didn’t take into consideration that doing a boudoir/lingerie shoot without giving her husband a heads up, and just happened to get naked in the process, might comes off sus af.
You tell her to kick rocks and goodbye.
She fucked a guy who she told you not to worry about. It’s not cheating, but she wasn’t very honest when you two were together.
I would move on if I were you.