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Aina, ?, 18 y.o.
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Date: December 3, 2022
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Politics in the USA has become very polarizing. Generally, it isn't just one thing at issue for a person to consider themselves aligned one way or another (like, say, do you need regulation of businesses), it is a whole host of positions on various issues that create an integrated way of life. While you may find someone who is in Party A but holds a position usually aligned to Party B, that person still usually votes for Party A, and candidates who espouse all sorts of ideas with that party.
What I'm getting at is that it is far more likely you'll find yourselves at odds over something that may not seem political. For instance, suppose someone gets shot by a police officer: You may wonder if the shooting was justified, but your girlfriend might think the person must have done something to deserve being shot.
I got into a conversation with a co-worker about how “Driving While Black” is a thing, to such an extent that black men are encouraged to have a stuffed toy in the back seat or back window, because it looks like they have a child at times, and they are perceived as less of a threat. My co-worker didn't believe this was an issue, and that people shot by the police must have done something illegal. This sets aside the whole concept that police aren't supposed to be executioners, of course. But that conversation did change how I looked at that coworker afterwards. (This was before the pandemic and George Floyd, but still…we talked about this in corporate diversity training in the mid-1990s, so the idea of being pulled over for being black wasn't novel in the mid-2010s.)
Early on in your relationship, it may seem that politics won't intrude. But I suspect you will encounter issues where your different views play a part.
The insidious nature of mockery eats at your soul. I would never purposefully hurt someone unless pushed really far. That sense of self-narrative “I would never..” is making me question how bad I am for him to go to the place emotionally.
Wouldn't you want to know if your fiance cheated on you?
May I ask what message entailed? If the ex never met the relative then i honestly see no reason to have contacted them, it’s very strange that the guy you’re seeing would still have contact to the ex try asking him what’s the meaning behind it all and if he gives you some water down excuse like he needed to confine in someone or that he didn’t know what he was thinking anything along that line then i suggest leaving because you’re not worth the potential drama that can arise because for all i know he may be looking for a reason to contact his ex and finally got the excuse to “His dead relative”
I'm going to address the real concern here in a different way. You say you're each others' firsts and that you're figuring it out. That's exactly the purpose of dating; to figure out if you're a fit and you're compatible.
You're just not. It sucks, but you live and learn and bring that toward the future. You two just don't mesh well. It happens.
So for me? I'm not sure I'd be honest in saying we naturally have deep talks specifically. What we are able to naturally do is engage in conversation in any given situation. It's never a struggle. It's never awkward.
I honestly think you're focusing on the wrong thing. You're not missing “deep talks.” You two just struggle to communicate in general. I wouldn't assume “deep” talks would or should happen all the time, because they're only necessary in the right context. It's important to you here because you literally haven't had any deep talks. That's certainly a problem. But that's just one piece of a larger problem.