First, you need to stop communicating with this person. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to hang out.
Second, this is what it’s like. Until the right one comes along, you meet people….some will be friends, some more than friends, and others just won’t work out at all.
There are guys out there wondering why they are in relationships. I wish I could direct them to posts like this. I don’t have long term relationships. I have casual relationships only. This is insanity. Way to kill off the relationship completely. I would consider breaking it off with her.
First, he showed you in the worst way possible that he is not your dream man. And there’s an excellent chance he’ll do it again to other women.
You need to be no contact with this guy, asap. That isn’t just direct communication, make sure you don’t see him on socials, don’t hang out in similar friend circles. If you’re forever keeping tabs on him you’ll never move past this. If he’s gone from your life, after a healing period your affectionate feelings can die and you’ll move on.
He's jealous. You have an amazing way to connect with people, show warmth and kindness, create deep relationships. He feels upstaged because he can't be bothered to find ways to create the same feelings, but also doesn't want it to look like you're a better friend than him. He might also be feeling put out because he thought cooking was a special thing you did for him, and here you are *gasp* sharing your talent with everyone! Here's the secret, OP, you are better than him. Food is love, and you are being kind and thoughtful. The relationships and good feelings you create with your dishes bring joy and comfort, and of course you would enjoy the effects of your sharing. It doesn't sound like you are just manipulating people to get compliments to me, you sound like a great friend.
Since the same thing happened last time you might be tripping yourself out butttt his response is weird considering it’s happened before I would go with your instinct
Oh no, being determined to not cheat again isn't going to keep it from happening.
Your mind will fail you. If something is too uncomfortable to think about, you will want to prefer the truth is something else instead. It may be it will be to hot to prefer believing that it matters, that you'll get caught, that you'll hurt him, and so on.
You'll have trouble accepting it as the truth. It will be easier to believe something you'd prefer was better than those. You're depending on clarity, but determination won't protect your clarity. If anything, it will make it worse.
The only fix is to retrain your mind to weather naked things to accept about yourself and life.
How often is he doing this? Is he doing this a lot?
My honest advice for you if this is a constant thing is that this is not fair to you. I don’t understand why you’re always being excluded from these events if you are.
A partner should always be considerate of their SO’s feelings when you’re in a serious relationship. I feel like the amount of time he is going to hang out with these people is extremely significant, especially if you’re never invited. This is also really hurtful to you, so I can see how this would be distressing.
I would suggest assessing your relationship overall and seeing if this has become a significant problem because you don’t want to end to staying with someone who is always throwing you on the back-burner and is never disclosing much information with you and never gives you a time as to when they’ll even be home.
What I would honestly do if I were in your shoes is end up leaving this relationship. You truly deserve better and it breaks my heart that you’re being cast aside like this.
I hope you two can communicate about this and to work something out to make things better, but if he refuses to be better about this, I would recommend moving on. There are plenty of men out there who will treat you so much better.
Any person who cares about your girlfriend will absolutely advise her to dump your ass and find someone who actually wants to be with her.
Your behavior and attitude are so terrible, I can't actually decide whether you're trolling or not. But if you're not trolling, you absolutely deserve whatever negative consequences are coming your way
Buttttt if you read the fucking story. She said she CHECKED HIS FUCKING PHONE. To me it just sounds like you are a lonely lonely guy who probably thinks they will be alone until They die so your mad about that and side with guy in stories that are similar to this
At 31yo you should know that your partners problems are your problems too.
The issue with the radio is silly.
With your lack of empathy for your partner I think there's a lot more going on than the radio hobby. I suggest you wake up and listen to her very carefully.
u/ParticularlyAlright This! My partner was the same way, no amount of alarms or shaking would help (I would typically spend 1hr+ every morning trying to wake him). In his mind he knew he had to get up and he was trying to wake up, but his body physically wouldn’t cooperate. He ended up seeing a neurologist specializing in sleep disorders, and they started treating him for narcolepsy. He wakes up a lot easier now after finding the right medication.
You cant fix stupid. If you have to give someone an ultimatum like this, you may as well recognize that you aren't very compatible on an intellectual level.
I sent my girlfriend a meme about that even being Women's day that Sandwich is not gonna make itself. She played angry for about ten seconds then we had a wonderful evening just hanging out as usual. Find yourself a Better girl.
Thank you for the advice. I do feel very lonely at home and like I never get enough support or attention. I know I’m not a child anymore but it still hurts when you feel like you can’t talk to your own parents. My parents have also been going through a really messy divorce for the last 8/9 months so that’s been very emotionally draining for me. All of my siblings are older than me + have moved out so they haven’t been there for me and I feel a lot of resentment towards them because I felt abandoned. My ex was the only person who was there for me and listened to all of my problems because my own siblings would shut me down anytime I wanted to speak to them. I get it because they’re protecting their energy but at the same time why does their younger sister have to suffer in silence? I realise my ex probably saw me as someone who was vulnerable and easy to abuse because I opened up to him about my sadness a lot.
So at first he said that he tried to get her with the roomate, but the roomate wasnt even there? Yeah right
First, you need to stop communicating with this person. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to hang out.
Second, this is what it’s like. Until the right one comes along, you meet people….some will be friends, some more than friends, and others just won’t work out at all.
There are guys out there wondering why they are in relationships. I wish I could direct them to posts like this. I don’t have long term relationships. I have casual relationships only. This is insanity. Way to kill off the relationship completely. I would consider breaking it off with her.
First, he showed you in the worst way possible that he is not your dream man. And there’s an excellent chance he’ll do it again to other women.
You need to be no contact with this guy, asap. That isn’t just direct communication, make sure you don’t see him on socials, don’t hang out in similar friend circles. If you’re forever keeping tabs on him you’ll never move past this. If he’s gone from your life, after a healing period your affectionate feelings can die and you’ll move on.
He's jealous. You have an amazing way to connect with people, show warmth and kindness, create deep relationships. He feels upstaged because he can't be bothered to find ways to create the same feelings, but also doesn't want it to look like you're a better friend than him. He might also be feeling put out because he thought cooking was a special thing you did for him, and here you are *gasp* sharing your talent with everyone! Here's the secret, OP, you are better than him. Food is love, and you are being kind and thoughtful. The relationships and good feelings you create with your dishes bring joy and comfort, and of course you would enjoy the effects of your sharing. It doesn't sound like you are just manipulating people to get compliments to me, you sound like a great friend.
Sometimes. Specially younger guys.
Indeed, the logic really doesn't make any sense.
Since the same thing happened last time you might be tripping yourself out butttt his response is weird considering it’s happened before I would go with your instinct
Good on you. He has the right to know
Oh no, being determined to not cheat again isn't going to keep it from happening.
Your mind will fail you. If something is too uncomfortable to think about, you will want to prefer the truth is something else instead. It may be it will be to hot to prefer believing that it matters, that you'll get caught, that you'll hurt him, and so on.
You'll have trouble accepting it as the truth. It will be easier to believe something you'd prefer was better than those. You're depending on clarity, but determination won't protect your clarity. If anything, it will make it worse.
The only fix is to retrain your mind to weather naked things to accept about yourself and life.
sometimes fantasy should stay in the fantasy realm. Because the main plot is cloaked in well, a lot of fantasy.
How often is he doing this? Is he doing this a lot?
My honest advice for you if this is a constant thing is that this is not fair to you. I don’t understand why you’re always being excluded from these events if you are.
A partner should always be considerate of their SO’s feelings when you’re in a serious relationship. I feel like the amount of time he is going to hang out with these people is extremely significant, especially if you’re never invited. This is also really hurtful to you, so I can see how this would be distressing.
I would suggest assessing your relationship overall and seeing if this has become a significant problem because you don’t want to end to staying with someone who is always throwing you on the back-burner and is never disclosing much information with you and never gives you a time as to when they’ll even be home.
What I would honestly do if I were in your shoes is end up leaving this relationship. You truly deserve better and it breaks my heart that you’re being cast aside like this.
I hope you two can communicate about this and to work something out to make things better, but if he refuses to be better about this, I would recommend moving on. There are plenty of men out there who will treat you so much better.
Why do you care so much he’s already breaking up with her???
What do you mean ?
No is a full sentence
Yeah, bro, you're a shit boyfriend.
Any person who cares about your girlfriend will absolutely advise her to dump your ass and find someone who actually wants to be with her.
Your behavior and attitude are so terrible, I can't actually decide whether you're trolling or not. But if you're not trolling, you absolutely deserve whatever negative consequences are coming your way
Ew.
Thank you, I might try something along those lines, maybe just switching up the way we do things will help
Holy shit. I need to be slow for you don’t I
You assumed she had a phone and was on tinder too
Buttttt if you read the fucking story. She said she CHECKED HIS FUCKING PHONE. To me it just sounds like you are a lonely lonely guy who probably thinks they will be alone until They die so your mad about that and side with guy in stories that are similar to this
At 31yo you should know that your partners problems are your problems too.
The issue with the radio is silly.
With your lack of empathy for your partner I think there's a lot more going on than the radio hobby. I suggest you wake up and listen to her very carefully.
Your group of folks will be the lifesavers in the event of catastrophic events! I admire you all a lot!
Her indiscretions might be forgivable. Her lying for six years is absolutely not.
u/ParticularlyAlright This! My partner was the same way, no amount of alarms or shaking would help (I would typically spend 1hr+ every morning trying to wake him). In his mind he knew he had to get up and he was trying to wake up, but his body physically wouldn’t cooperate. He ended up seeing a neurologist specializing in sleep disorders, and they started treating him for narcolepsy. He wakes up a lot easier now after finding the right medication.
I noticed that she is distancing from me, not responding properly.
You need to stop wanking so much. You are desentitised to anything except the tightness of your hand.
Thank you!!! This was helpful
Thank you!!! This was helpful
This is going to sound mean, but..
You cant fix stupid. If you have to give someone an ultimatum like this, you may as well recognize that you aren't very compatible on an intellectual level.
I sent my girlfriend a meme about that even being Women's day that Sandwich is not gonna make itself. She played angry for about ten seconds then we had a wonderful evening just hanging out as usual. Find yourself a Better girl.
Thank you for the advice. I do feel very lonely at home and like I never get enough support or attention. I know I’m not a child anymore but it still hurts when you feel like you can’t talk to your own parents. My parents have also been going through a really messy divorce for the last 8/9 months so that’s been very emotionally draining for me. All of my siblings are older than me + have moved out so they haven’t been there for me and I feel a lot of resentment towards them because I felt abandoned. My ex was the only person who was there for me and listened to all of my problems because my own siblings would shut me down anytime I wanted to speak to them. I get it because they’re protecting their energy but at the same time why does their younger sister have to suffer in silence? I realise my ex probably saw me as someone who was vulnerable and easy to abuse because I opened up to him about my sadness a lot.
yeah i just screenshotted and posted this on twitter, 5 other subreddits and instagram.