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appleliu76, 46 y.o.
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Date: November 23, 2022
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That might answer your question then. If there's a personal reason you can't pursue her, then don't. Until whatever that personal thing is, is resolved, you shouldn't be involved with anyone. It's not fair to them. If you're not at 100% yourself, you can't be 100% for a partner.
And generally, it's just not a great idea to pursue a coworker. What if you ask her out, and she says no? Now she's in a situation where she's likely to feel uncomfortable. I would also bet she'd worry that if she says no, you could influence people not to promote her. Or it could go the other way. If she is promoted, she might think you influenced people to do so, so she might change her answer. She might feel pressure to accept because you are higher up in the company than her. It just gets so complicated.
I know sometimes it works out, but you gotta be really really really really really sure that she's actually interested in you. It can't just be “flirty” behavior.
I mean you’re making a ton of assumptions. I’m just saying that to me is the right answer. If she wants to call me a liar so be it. I don’t know if there’s a point going down a rabbit hole of “well this would happen” when it’s not something that’s going to take place, neither of us has a real clue on what would happen and OP and I aren’t together.
Impossible.
That was a drug house.
Thanks for that context. Let's start with the big picture here; you asked this person to marry you. You asked her to make your relationship legal.
So then, the question is why? I can obviously assume the primary answer is love, as it should be. But look at what you just wrote regarding your sex life.
You say it's fine “I think.” You're going to marry someone where you're not certain your sex life is good? But alright, let's continue. Always on her terms. You good with that?
Regarding kinks, are you into any? Are they important to you? Will you be resentful if BJs don't happen for the rest of your life? Would you like daytime sex? Would you like her to initiate? You also get turned down quite a bit, so I'm not sure how you can tell me that you think your sex life is fine.
Regardless of all that, this is the important context I was looking for. You came in here upset about how she spoke about ex partners. In a silo, it's a non-issue which is what I argued. In context, you've now told me (and us) the real reason why you're upset about her talking about her exes.
That's why I pressed the issue. I didn't want to just come here and call you insecure and move on. I knew there was a deeper reason behind your feelings. The two of you have a bad sex life. To just focus on you, you yourself are unhappy with your sex life. It's ok to have those feelings.
Knowing that though, why would you want to deal with this for the rest of your life?