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ALEXA, 46 y.o.
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Date: November 20, 2022
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He is being incredibly controlling. This is not how someone acts when they respect you as a capable independent adult with your own life. This is not how someone acts when they believe that what you want and need and feel, is as important as what they want and need and feel.
You know that this isn't okay. You've called him out on treating you like his ex. And yet you're still with him, you're still accepting it, you're still going along with stuff you know makes you feel upset and uncomfortable.
When you reel off those “great” things he does, you're not proving that he's a great person: you're listing what he does to buy your cooperation with all the shitty parts.
(As a note: It's not unusual, with guys who claim they've been cheated on in the past and that's why they need to control their current partners, for the truth to be more like, “My ex didn't accept my control, and it must have been because she was a cheater because otherwise she would have been fine with meeting all my demands.” I don't know if that's the case here, for all I know his ex slept with every dude on the Eastern seaboard, but it's worth considering even though it doesn't justify him treating you badly either way.)