How do cam girls make him feel more secure about sex with you? Sure. There’s nothing to understand except he had an addiction to porn. It’s good you left. You can do better. I would have left as well. And that was a weak lie/excuse he came up with to boot. It’s really fucking depressing to read the line “he grew up watching cam girls.” I feel so lucky to have come of age sexually when this wasn‘t a thing. So sorry. He’s warped. ❤️
I wouldn’t stay friends with him OP and that’s not about “owning” anyone. It’s about him being considerate of your feelings. Breaking up with someone doesn’t mean you suddenly have no attachment to them and no history with them. Imo, a good friend would respect that and steer clear of relationships with people you’ve been emotionally involved with.
But your ex didn’t do anything wrong. Your friend has an obligation to you, your ex does not.
This is so similar to what my ex did to me man. Get back in your damn house. Your kids are there ffs. She chose to go take some stranger dick, she can get the fuck out. She made her bad, she's got to lay in it. These women dodge accountability like the fucking plague. Don't let her do it. Fuck her, she's dead to you now, that HAS to be how you view it now. She is not the person you used to know anymore. Get her out of your life as much as possible, as quickly as possible and move on with what you have left.
So he only wants to have sex when he can get his as fast as possible and doesn’t seem to want to make sure you’re satisfied. But if you voice your displeasure you’re picking a fight by ruining the illusion of him being such a great guy? It seems like he’s on his way to selfish grandpa land way ahead of schedule. There are literally dozens of posts here daily of younger guys wanting sex so perhaps you’re simply asking a wrong person to fulfill your needs?
She's been this way for probably his whole life and he thinks it's normal. Even if she was deteriorating mentally he would put a stop to it instead of doing nothing.
An apology without change is manipulation. The only time I've heard phrases like “clean slate” and “let go of the past” is from people who have done and continue to do shitty things.
He feels you talk down to him. The logical question becomes, “What do I do that makes you feel that way?” To which the predictable answer becomes something along the lines of, “That time that such and such happened. ” You know… giving examples to establish understanding. There is no way to “work on things” or move forward without discussing past grievances.
And those grievances cannot be passified with an “I'm sorry.” It's gonna take self reflection, monitoring your volume, and taking full responsibility for your treatment of him with no “buts”. It means not trying to justify your actions, not trying to defend yourself instead of taking ownership.
From your attitude it seems you feel like because it happened in the past it's become irrelevant. If that was the case PTSD wouldn't exist. “I said sorry, what else is needed?” Change, change is needed. He needs you to stop and recognize that you are talking down to him and fix your behavior. It's not in the past if it's still happening in the present. He keep talking about it all because you haven't been listening to communicate only to pacify.
Based on the limited information provided here, I can really only say that yes, you are the problem.
Aside from minimizing your contact with your sister like you have already done, the best way to deal with her is probably to only briefly acknowledge and validate her feelings and then simply redirect the conversation to another topic.
There's no point in attempting to offer any kind of advice when you already know she won't want to hear it, especially when she probably doesn't even ask for it, and if you ask too many questoins to try to get to the bottom of things, you're essentially just fuelling her complaining.
If deflecting doesn't help or make your sister catch on to how she affects her surroundings, then there's also nothing wrong with calling her out directly and drawing a line for yourself. Consider sending her a kind message, e.g. “I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I care about you and sincerely hope you will feel better soon, but I find it hard to be around all this negativity and will need to take a step back. If you ever want advice or need support to change the things that are making you unhappy, you're welcome to reach out.”
I cannot believe you’re willing to let him near you again. How numb are you to what he just did to you? This is the part where the sinister music plays in movies, please don’t ignore your distress.
>After four months of being together, I said to him that he had to give me an honest answer or I'd end the relationship, he then said “I prefer blonde women with big boobs”.
So the only traits of value, with you, is your hair color (which will go gray eventually), and having a big booty. If I was on a first date with a woman, and she asked me that question, I would give whatever answer she wanted to hear, and try and figure out why she's even asking that question.
>I throw my phone at him and told him to leave.
That is assault! You need help. You didn't like the answer he gave, and you got angry and expressed your anger by throwing your phone (and maybe damaging it), and it could have hurt him.
Break up with him, work on yourself first, and then find a new boyfriend.
OP, relationships take time and effort. They just do. You don’t have the time or the desire to be the kind of partner she wants, and you resent her for the times you give in to her. She’s a whole ass person with wants and needs and stresses too, but her wants and needs dont seem to match yours.
I think your ages are also playing a role here. You are in your mid 20’s, play in multiple bands, which I assume means you’ve played a variety of gigs in various venues, and are taking steps to continue your education and/or professional career.
She’s not even 21 yet. She has not had nearly enough time to have the kind fun young and mild wild night life she clearly wants. This is the best time for her to have a variety of experience, with little responsibilities outside of those to herself and you. You’ve had those experiences, so probably the only new thing about them for you is that it’s with her.
If you want this to work, you have to both come to a compromise. Maybe it’s a weekly date night, and maybe only half of those date nights involve being out. A lot of it is probably her wanting your time and attention, but if she wants to party and your don’t, if no compromise can be made, the relationship may have run its course.
i have a lot of things left over from my relationship that i am just discovering and it is really deeply upsetting and i feel like such a horrible person. i have been in therapy before, i am unfortunately in a new country that has universal healthcare but virtually no appointments anywhere so it’s not the most accessible. i’ll try the support group through reddit, though. i’m not blocked as far as i know, maybe tomorrow ill send a message apologizing again and say that if she wants i can just leave it after that apology and not text her. does that seem like the right thing to do?
They will if the client was being abusive or irresponsible to child. Or have restraining order.
you’re letting him assault you and he keeps doing it bc you keep allowing it…. leave him. immediately. o
How do cam girls make him feel more secure about sex with you? Sure. There’s nothing to understand except he had an addiction to porn. It’s good you left. You can do better. I would have left as well. And that was a weak lie/excuse he came up with to boot. It’s really fucking depressing to read the line “he grew up watching cam girls.” I feel so lucky to have come of age sexually when this wasn‘t a thing. So sorry. He’s warped. ❤️
Sometimes bad people are there and u just need to cut them out of ur life. Just u need a second voice to silence ur mind and just block him
You need to run. Call a DV hotline and make an escape plan to safely exit this relationship.
I wouldn’t stay friends with him OP and that’s not about “owning” anyone. It’s about him being considerate of your feelings. Breaking up with someone doesn’t mean you suddenly have no attachment to them and no history with them. Imo, a good friend would respect that and steer clear of relationships with people you’ve been emotionally involved with.
But your ex didn’t do anything wrong. Your friend has an obligation to you, your ex does not.
This is so similar to what my ex did to me man. Get back in your damn house. Your kids are there ffs. She chose to go take some stranger dick, she can get the fuck out. She made her bad, she's got to lay in it. These women dodge accountability like the fucking plague. Don't let her do it. Fuck her, she's dead to you now, that HAS to be how you view it now. She is not the person you used to know anymore. Get her out of your life as much as possible, as quickly as possible and move on with what you have left.
So he only wants to have sex when he can get his as fast as possible and doesn’t seem to want to make sure you’re satisfied. But if you voice your displeasure you’re picking a fight by ruining the illusion of him being such a great guy? It seems like he’s on his way to selfish grandpa land way ahead of schedule. There are literally dozens of posts here daily of younger guys wanting sex so perhaps you’re simply asking a wrong person to fulfill your needs?
She's been this way for probably his whole life and he thinks it's normal. Even if she was deteriorating mentally he would put a stop to it instead of doing nothing.
An apology without change is manipulation. The only time I've heard phrases like “clean slate” and “let go of the past” is from people who have done and continue to do shitty things.
He feels you talk down to him. The logical question becomes, “What do I do that makes you feel that way?” To which the predictable answer becomes something along the lines of, “That time that such and such happened. ” You know… giving examples to establish understanding. There is no way to “work on things” or move forward without discussing past grievances.
And those grievances cannot be passified with an “I'm sorry.” It's gonna take self reflection, monitoring your volume, and taking full responsibility for your treatment of him with no “buts”. It means not trying to justify your actions, not trying to defend yourself instead of taking ownership.
From your attitude it seems you feel like because it happened in the past it's become irrelevant. If that was the case PTSD wouldn't exist. “I said sorry, what else is needed?” Change, change is needed. He needs you to stop and recognize that you are talking down to him and fix your behavior. It's not in the past if it's still happening in the present. He keep talking about it all because you haven't been listening to communicate only to pacify.
Based on the limited information provided here, I can really only say that yes, you are the problem.
Giving a fake number can get you hurt. Especially if there’s a chance you’ll run into that guy again
Aside from minimizing your contact with your sister like you have already done, the best way to deal with her is probably to only briefly acknowledge and validate her feelings and then simply redirect the conversation to another topic.
There's no point in attempting to offer any kind of advice when you already know she won't want to hear it, especially when she probably doesn't even ask for it, and if you ask too many questoins to try to get to the bottom of things, you're essentially just fuelling her complaining.
If deflecting doesn't help or make your sister catch on to how she affects her surroundings, then there's also nothing wrong with calling her out directly and drawing a line for yourself. Consider sending her a kind message, e.g. “I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I care about you and sincerely hope you will feel better soon, but I find it hard to be around all this negativity and will need to take a step back. If you ever want advice or need support to change the things that are making you unhappy, you're welcome to reach out.”
Any chance your wife is suffering from a brain tumor or something? It could always be that, if this is really sudden and out of character.
We already know you're a dumbass. You don't need to make a new account every day to remind everyone.
I cannot believe you’re willing to let him near you again. How numb are you to what he just did to you? This is the part where the sinister music plays in movies, please don’t ignore your distress.
>After four months of being together, I said to him that he had to give me an honest answer or I'd end the relationship, he then said “I prefer blonde women with big boobs”.
So the only traits of value, with you, is your hair color (which will go gray eventually), and having a big booty. If I was on a first date with a woman, and she asked me that question, I would give whatever answer she wanted to hear, and try and figure out why she's even asking that question.
>I throw my phone at him and told him to leave.
That is assault! You need help. You didn't like the answer he gave, and you got angry and expressed your anger by throwing your phone (and maybe damaging it), and it could have hurt him.
Break up with him, work on yourself first, and then find a new boyfriend.
All of it. All of it is insane.
OP, relationships take time and effort. They just do. You don’t have the time or the desire to be the kind of partner she wants, and you resent her for the times you give in to her. She’s a whole ass person with wants and needs and stresses too, but her wants and needs dont seem to match yours.
I think your ages are also playing a role here. You are in your mid 20’s, play in multiple bands, which I assume means you’ve played a variety of gigs in various venues, and are taking steps to continue your education and/or professional career.
She’s not even 21 yet. She has not had nearly enough time to have the kind fun young and mild wild night life she clearly wants. This is the best time for her to have a variety of experience, with little responsibilities outside of those to herself and you. You’ve had those experiences, so probably the only new thing about them for you is that it’s with her.
If you want this to work, you have to both come to a compromise. Maybe it’s a weekly date night, and maybe only half of those date nights involve being out. A lot of it is probably her wanting your time and attention, but if she wants to party and your don’t, if no compromise can be made, the relationship may have run its course.
i have a lot of things left over from my relationship that i am just discovering and it is really deeply upsetting and i feel like such a horrible person. i have been in therapy before, i am unfortunately in a new country that has universal healthcare but virtually no appointments anywhere so it’s not the most accessible. i’ll try the support group through reddit, though. i’m not blocked as far as i know, maybe tomorrow ill send a message apologizing again and say that if she wants i can just leave it after that apology and not text her. does that seem like the right thing to do?
Dude my dog is like this lol fucking weirdos!!! Lol. I’ve resorted to making a pillow fort to block direct eye contact haha
Why are you dating this child? Not even talking about the age gap just the behaviour.
she literally said she would?? he expects her to pay half WITHOUT being put on the mortgage which is a problem
What’s a 35year old doin with a 24year old as a friend
He owns his business so he can do whatever he wants
You dodged a bullet man, sounds like she's just not relationship material at this point in her life, it happens.