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Melissa, 27 y.o.
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Online Live Sex Chat rooms Melissa
Date: October 3, 2022
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Hello /u/blueforestss,
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It sounds like she was just trying to make a clever retort based on the context of what you’d already been saying to each other. Uncalled for, sure… and it seems you should have a conversation about keeping things respectful even during an argument. But I don’t think what she said was meant to be taken literally.
This is a question you can only really ask yourself, then answer yourself.
I'll summarise first then go into this more.
Your kids are old enough to be quite independent which surely means that as a couple, you and your partner have the time and availability to make your lives significantly easier in terms of finding her a job, as well as finding things to do either independently or together.
You need to sit down and speak with your partner. Have a very real, very candid conversation. Tell her how you feel, what you would like, listen to her side of this and work out between you: is there a future in this where we can both work towards it?
If your partner refuses to accept a compromise regarding the animals, refuses to get a job and continues as she is it's only fair you make it clear that her life goals and lifestyle are no longer compatible.
It goes without saying here that if you don't wish to be with her any longer, you need to address this as fairly and rightly as you can, speak with your kids and plan out how you'll proceed in your different directions.
Most of all – consider your kids. I will keep saying this. Kids are frequently the first casualties of marital splits and completely unfairly so. Ensure they have the help, support and love of their parents as well as additional facilities away from you both that they can trust and confide in – such as a school/private counsellor/therapist.
last night I told my SO of 20 years that it's time for me to move on. Given you've already told her this, why come here to ask us?
How did she respond? Did you talk? This feels like a statement you'd only say after considerable thought, reflection and likely a heck of a lot of reviewing the consequences.
There's little you've said over the circumstances of the ~18yrs you've had kids and how this has played out – you stated you told her you'd appreciate her getting a part-time job, so why didn't she? Did you not discuss the whole situation with kids and establish a road-map or plan for what'll work best for you as a couple, or just “I'd kinda like you to get a job too” and never raised it again?
Does she have a medical condition or other factor that stops her doing so? There's a heap of missing context and info for us to really make an informed response with advice to.
I told her I did not want it to become a point of resentment between us.
It sounds a lot like it did, as you raise this as what seems to be a significant point for why you've not felt “heard” in the relationship.
I came to understand that I was spending more time giving up myself and my dreams to keep her happy and supported.
Such as? Did you want to change career? Develop hobbies? Do things yourself? What did you do with your partner? What have been her hopes/dreams beyond children?
One big area of contention is that she is an animal lover. I have also learned that I have several allergies to many of the animals that inhabit our house. My SO has often made me feel less important to her than the animals.
I can't quite put a finger on it but this, alongside the “not feeling heard” makes me wonder if either A) You're just saying things once then never again, or B) She genuinely isn't caring/listening to what you say (or it's not being said in the right frame to make an impact?)
How have you lived with your SO for ~20yrs and not made a bigger point about this? Much less her having a job as well to bring in extra income?
I have found someone that feeds my soul the way I longed for my SO to have.
Are we talking a colleague? Someone from a dating service? Random person you got to know and stay in touch with?
Either you're undertaking an emotional affair here, which is fair on nobody or it's someone you could see a relationship happening with but aren't pursuing it.
Friend, you need to sit down and decide what you want out of life and your relationship.