my ex husband had a friend like this and he swore she was a lesbian and nothing was happening well 2 months later i found out he got her pregnant and she was 12 years younger than us.
take that as you will your gut is telling you something so listen to it.
I meant what I said. You deserve better than you are giving yourself at this point. I reiterate my previous comment, in this case, you are the issue. You are not a bad person in this scenario, there is no bad guy in this scenario. But all these intense and bad emotions you are feeling. Are a product of your abuse and trauma trying to keep you from moving forward and enjoying the present. Enjoy the present and enjoy love when it's in your life. Please believe in yourself op and not the hateful comments and actions of the past that you survived.
It happens. Sometimes, I think it's jealousy, because you haven't it don't have as many partners. Another is like a weird purity thing, I.e. we're supposed to be each other's one and only.
At the end of the day, if she loves you and you love her, it's going to be all good. If she brings up exes or begins comparing you to them, then I'd say become more alert, but at the end of the day, we're all allowed to have exes or previous sexual experiences. I think if your brain begins processing that, it'll go away with time.
Question about your husband OP, what does he means by letting this go? Does it means he wants to be the one to handle this? Or does it means everyone avoiding the subject until she leaves and keeping the kids separate from her until then?
Who would care for the children while you are at work if MIL was not there? Would there be a nanny or another form of child care in place?
I don’t agree with this, things happen. I recently lost a gift my mom gave me that I’ve held dear to me for years. Immediately I called the hotel and offered shipping to have it sent back if they found it but they could not find it. Things happen but I still believe this guys an ass and OP should not be friends with him.
OP, I didn’t even have to read past the first paragraph to know there are major problems.
Being able to write “a novel” about your partner’s problems isn’t normal, or at the very least, you deserve better. If the only reason you’re with him is because of finances, then start making a plan to get the hell out. Whether he is a full-fledged narcissist, or is an asshole, but not technically a narcissist? These labels don’t matter. I’m glad you’re starting therapy and I mean, give yourself a sec (or even a couple years) to get this all under you, but… yeah. Don’t waste your life.
He didn’t try and neither did I. I asked early on and he said no he wasn’t into me which crushed me but then kept acting this way so it stunted my moving on.
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Unfortunately, what happened now will be your future unless you change things . No decent guy will stick around basically playing the side piece in your life . Because the way you talk about things , its clear that you both see each other as the main partner , above whatever person you are dating.
This comes with a lengthy story to kinda show the extent. When we first met he told me he would stop watching porn wouldn't go to strip clubs, etc etc. And HE was the one that set those boundaries. So recently I found out about his porn addiction. We've been together for almost 2 years and I have trusted (occasionally questioning him because I am not perfect) that he has not watched porn. However early January I found out that he lied. He told me he had only recently started watching porn. That was the other lie, he has been watching porn periodically throughout the relationship. So even during the time of confrontation he still never gave me the full truth, and when I asked how long he lied about the length. He's also lied about drinking several times. First he lied about how much, then how many days he did it, then the other occasions. Before I ever found out the lies he told me, he has gaslighted me. Explaining he wouldn't do that. Or literally making me feel like shit because I called him out on a story he “forgot” (he didn't, again he lied) to tell me. But I have forgiven the drinking and the porn, I am upset because of the lies. I am afraid they will turn into something larger like cheating
It's her problem, not yours. You didn't do anthing wrong. She seems to have deeper issues than you can address and take care of, that can only do a professional. You didn't open any wounds, they were never fully closed.
I believe it's a combination of both. As long as you live! in her home, you need to follow her rules. So you need to make the most of your dates. And I would be surprised if your dates only consist of cuddling and kissing. Hopefully you're relationship has more substance
Doesn’t matter how naive he is. You know better. Put yourself first in this and every other relationship you have. If you’re not happy with the contraception then no sex. If you’re not happy with how you are being treated, you discuss that and there is no change then end it.
Yep “apparently” it was all her and he just sat there… but he also decided to drink with her alone in the pub, then go back to her place in the early hours of the morning to drink more and watch Netflix… but “didn’t realise what it looked like”.
At first he lied a lot to make it seem like more of a grey area, so I was very confused (as this is also a guy who “never drinks”). But after I actually left him he did sadly admit that things were more consensual than he was trying to make out. He also made me more aware of issues he’d kept from me in regards to substance abuse etc ?
No, I'm sorry. Your husband is trying to control you. This is isolating you from your support system. Do not ruin your relationship with your father over this. Your husband won't change his mind no matter what you do or say. If you insist on staying with him then you need to put your foot down. Tell your husband in a calm voice next time he flies off the handle, “I love you but I also love my father and I will continue to talk to him whether you like it or not. He is my dad and a part of my life. If you can't handle that then you should either talk to a therapist or we will be done. You should never make someone choose between people they love because you may not like the outcome. ” If he throws a fit then you know he's controlling and abusive and you need to end it right then.
I was in a marriage like this and I wasted 11 years of my life on someone who ended up abusing me. It's not worth it.
her cut beocmes more like .5 or .55. We couldn't afford to have a baby now at 3, let alone 2.55. So when she wants to have a baby and which I HIGHLY doubt shell want to work then, and we just become “2”, what do we do then?????
You e outgrown each other. You’re at the. beginning of your adult life. Don’t feel obligated to stay with your first love. She’ll feel hurt but that’s part of life.
She sounds like a scam artist; why did you have to send your money? let me guess does she live! in a foreign country and doesn't have much money and you had to send her money? You have been scammed it sounds like a textbook kind of a scam. why didn't you save the money yourself – was it her idea that you sent you the money? I really think that you need to report it to the police because you have been robbed. Obviously you do not have a relationship with this woman; there isn't going to be any wedding – I hope you don't want there to be any wedding. To repeat definitely report to the cops because she's probably doing it to some other man/ men.
Either he's hiding something from you – he's living with someone or ashamed of his living situation or something like that.
Or you're hiding something from us and left out key details in this thread that would explain why he'd be willing to work with you on issues – either remotely or with a therapist or some other neutral location – but not yet comfortable with you knowing where he lives.
judging from your clearly experiential prejudices and the lengthy assumptions you have made about me regardless of what I actually wrote, I hope you find the help you obviously need.
He's gonna be more upset if you wait to tell him or he finds out through a 3rd party. If you're serious about marrying him put on your big kid pants and talk to him.
Nobody can answer that definitively, even if their circumstances were exactly the same as yours. It may he a difficult decision but it's not a difficult question.
If it's London, just get your own place while you're deciding (after a year or so of steadily dating in person) if he's the one for you. And if you'll be ok living there.
Honestly, what are YOU bringing to the table for a partner? I see your lengthy list of demands and requirements, but not what you are willing to do or compromise to meet a partners needs. My guess is you aren’t willing to. Your list leaves no room for a partner to flourish in a relationship, other than just devote themself to you. I think there is a reason your still single and the list along with some personality traits are the reason.
Im sure they appeared like Clorox wipes but surely they were something else. You certainly can't wipe your vagina with that. Maybe isopropyl or wet wipes
Cool, but maybe she just doesn't want to go because of said condition?
You may want to reconsider marrying him.
Get the Five Love Languages. Do the assessment. Read the book. Discuss and recognize your different love languages.
my ex husband had a friend like this and he swore she was a lesbian and nothing was happening well 2 months later i found out he got her pregnant and she was 12 years younger than us.
take that as you will your gut is telling you something so listen to it.
Tell her that exactly and that you expect anyone cooked meal every evening don't let her get too comfortable
I meant what I said. You deserve better than you are giving yourself at this point. I reiterate my previous comment, in this case, you are the issue. You are not a bad person in this scenario, there is no bad guy in this scenario. But all these intense and bad emotions you are feeling. Are a product of your abuse and trauma trying to keep you from moving forward and enjoying the present. Enjoy the present and enjoy love when it's in your life. Please believe in yourself op and not the hateful comments and actions of the past that you survived.
It happens. Sometimes, I think it's jealousy, because you haven't it don't have as many partners. Another is like a weird purity thing, I.e. we're supposed to be each other's one and only.
At the end of the day, if she loves you and you love her, it's going to be all good. If she brings up exes or begins comparing you to them, then I'd say become more alert, but at the end of the day, we're all allowed to have exes or previous sexual experiences. I think if your brain begins processing that, it'll go away with time.
Question about your husband OP, what does he means by letting this go? Does it means he wants to be the one to handle this? Or does it means everyone avoiding the subject until she leaves and keeping the kids separate from her until then?
Who would care for the children while you are at work if MIL was not there? Would there be a nanny or another form of child care in place?
yes i’ve seen this lol
Yeah, it sucks for her, but she probably would understand. I feel for her having to be stuck with that narcissistic ex.
I’m wondering why they can’t compromise and stay where they are currently.
I don’t agree with this, things happen. I recently lost a gift my mom gave me that I’ve held dear to me for years. Immediately I called the hotel and offered shipping to have it sent back if they found it but they could not find it. Things happen but I still believe this guys an ass and OP should not be friends with him.
OP, I didn’t even have to read past the first paragraph to know there are major problems.
Being able to write “a novel” about your partner’s problems isn’t normal, or at the very least, you deserve better. If the only reason you’re with him is because of finances, then start making a plan to get the hell out. Whether he is a full-fledged narcissist, or is an asshole, but not technically a narcissist? These labels don’t matter. I’m glad you’re starting therapy and I mean, give yourself a sec (or even a couple years) to get this all under you, but… yeah. Don’t waste your life.
He didn’t try and neither did I. I asked early on and he said no he wasn’t into me which crushed me but then kept acting this way so it stunted my moving on.
But does this mean the friendship is toast??
That’s the way!
i understand that but we were having a conversation so i would just like her to inform me that shes going out
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She should dump him, obviously.
Also, if OP is in the US, he’s giving alcohol to a minor.
He also started dating her when he was 21 and she was 16 which is one more red flag to add to the pile.
I'm still trying to figure out if this is a troll post or someone actually wrote it 🙂
No he fucking didn’t lmao.
You need to pull the Band-Aid and cut contact.
Unfortunately, what happened now will be your future unless you change things . No decent guy will stick around basically playing the side piece in your life . Because the way you talk about things , its clear that you both see each other as the main partner , above whatever person you are dating.
Exactly. It wouldn’t be good for the child to be around their father imo I don’t think he’s going to be able to fix himself.
It’s 23 weeks where I am.
NSFW:
This comes with a lengthy story to kinda show the extent. When we first met he told me he would stop watching porn wouldn't go to strip clubs, etc etc. And HE was the one that set those boundaries. So recently I found out about his porn addiction. We've been together for almost 2 years and I have trusted (occasionally questioning him because I am not perfect) that he has not watched porn. However early January I found out that he lied. He told me he had only recently started watching porn. That was the other lie, he has been watching porn periodically throughout the relationship. So even during the time of confrontation he still never gave me the full truth, and when I asked how long he lied about the length. He's also lied about drinking several times. First he lied about how much, then how many days he did it, then the other occasions. Before I ever found out the lies he told me, he has gaslighted me. Explaining he wouldn't do that. Or literally making me feel like shit because I called him out on a story he “forgot” (he didn't, again he lied) to tell me. But I have forgiven the drinking and the porn, I am upset because of the lies. I am afraid they will turn into something larger like cheating
It's her problem, not yours. You didn't do anthing wrong. She seems to have deeper issues than you can address and take care of, that can only do a professional. You didn't open any wounds, they were never fully closed.
I believe it's a combination of both. As long as you live! in her home, you need to follow her rules. So you need to make the most of your dates. And I would be surprised if your dates only consist of cuddling and kissing. Hopefully you're relationship has more substance
Doesn’t matter how naive he is. You know better. Put yourself first in this and every other relationship you have. If you’re not happy with the contraception then no sex. If you’re not happy with how you are being treated, you discuss that and there is no change then end it.
So does that mean you’re breaking up with him? If not GIRL VALUE YOURSELF MORE.
Yep “apparently” it was all her and he just sat there… but he also decided to drink with her alone in the pub, then go back to her place in the early hours of the morning to drink more and watch Netflix… but “didn’t realise what it looked like”.
At first he lied a lot to make it seem like more of a grey area, so I was very confused (as this is also a guy who “never drinks”). But after I actually left him he did sadly admit that things were more consensual than he was trying to make out. He also made me more aware of issues he’d kept from me in regards to substance abuse etc ?
Girl you HAVE to get a tattoo now! ?
No, I'm sorry. Your husband is trying to control you. This is isolating you from your support system. Do not ruin your relationship with your father over this. Your husband won't change his mind no matter what you do or say. If you insist on staying with him then you need to put your foot down. Tell your husband in a calm voice next time he flies off the handle, “I love you but I also love my father and I will continue to talk to him whether you like it or not. He is my dad and a part of my life. If you can't handle that then you should either talk to a therapist or we will be done. You should never make someone choose between people they love because you may not like the outcome. ” If he throws a fit then you know he's controlling and abusive and you need to end it right then.
I was in a marriage like this and I wasted 11 years of my life on someone who ended up abusing me. It's not worth it.
Why do people compare themself to some friend or some other, think with your own brain.
Like you said, the baby aint gonna trap him more.
her cut beocmes more like .5 or .55. We couldn't afford to have a baby now at 3, let alone 2.55. So when she wants to have a baby and which I HIGHLY doubt shell want to work then, and we just become “2”, what do we do then?????
You e outgrown each other. You’re at the. beginning of your adult life. Don’t feel obligated to stay with your first love. She’ll feel hurt but that’s part of life.
Are you not familiar with the option of not being in a relationship with him?
She sounds like a scam artist; why did you have to send your money? let me guess does she live! in a foreign country and doesn't have much money and you had to send her money? You have been scammed it sounds like a textbook kind of a scam. why didn't you save the money yourself – was it her idea that you sent you the money? I really think that you need to report it to the police because you have been robbed. Obviously you do not have a relationship with this woman; there isn't going to be any wedding – I hope you don't want there to be any wedding. To repeat definitely report to the cops because she's probably doing it to some other man/ men.
Are you sure that’s where he went? Idk I kind of think it’s a strange thing to do but everyone has their quirks.
So did you kick her to the curb?
Someone is hiding something.
Either he's hiding something from you – he's living with someone or ashamed of his living situation or something like that.
Or you're hiding something from us and left out key details in this thread that would explain why he'd be willing to work with you on issues – either remotely or with a therapist or some other neutral location – but not yet comfortable with you knowing where he lives.
He’s shacked up with another girl I use women loosely because you all are immature
I did find a FB page and its called
Men warning men (women to avoid), private group but I did not join. You might join to see if your ex is on it, lol.
judging from your clearly experiential prejudices and the lengthy assumptions you have made about me regardless of what I actually wrote, I hope you find the help you obviously need.
He's gonna be more upset if you wait to tell him or he finds out through a 3rd party. If you're serious about marrying him put on your big kid pants and talk to him.
How would you support yourself financially then? Rely on your parents on him? Honestly for me 50/50 is not good enough of a ratio.
What difference does it make if it’s before or after the wedding? It doesn’t change anything.
It's Bouquet!
I've reread this three times and still have no idea what you're babbling about.
Nobody can answer that definitively, even if their circumstances were exactly the same as yours. It may he a difficult decision but it's not a difficult question.
If it's London, just get your own place while you're deciding (after a year or so of steadily dating in person) if he's the one for you. And if you'll be ok living there.
Honestly, what are YOU bringing to the table for a partner? I see your lengthy list of demands and requirements, but not what you are willing to do or compromise to meet a partners needs. My guess is you aren’t willing to. Your list leaves no room for a partner to flourish in a relationship, other than just devote themself to you. I think there is a reason your still single and the list along with some personality traits are the reason.
Im sure they appeared like Clorox wipes but surely they were something else. You certainly can't wipe your vagina with that. Maybe isopropyl or wet wipes