Yes, stop being so possessive. You dont own this person. You told her you didn't want to contact the dude and that should be enough. Don't be jelly unless she gives a reason to be. Turning away a phone from a nosey dude is nbd.
I don't think you're ready for a relationship. Theres plenty of dudes who run laps around me in appearance, shape, and personality something goes for my partner, but ultimately we don't want nobody else. don't let your insecurities ruin what you have going on. its kinda sad cuz I know behind close doors he sits here pleads and begs for you to believe him when he tells you he loves you for you. If breast size really mattered to him he wouldn't be in a relationship with you at all.
Definitely not, that’s purely disrespectful towards you. Simply not even a thought about “how it could be disrespectful” is where the wrong comes in. You are NOT wrong for being upset about YOUR personal slow dancing WITH SOMEONE ELSE to a romantic song.
So to me, if he's saying he does that but then doesn't do it for you, that's him communicating that he sees you as less of a partner than his past relationships.
Well, this is definitely a big red flag. It might be a good place to set a boundary. It could be something like this. Since I have been cheated on in the recent past if you can’t be honest with me, I don’t think we can do a relationship. I would leave it at that. At this point you’ll get more evidence down the line if it’s more damning than that.
The only potential polite society convention that could potentially explain is the expectation of a formal conversation stating you were no longer interested. Yes, one date, no additional contact should make it clear but it feels a little like the 'why didn't they call' thinking. Their threshold for expecting the call might just be really low.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard this but I’m taking your advice, enough of everything I’m done, but I will take my time moving out, I need to make sure all my ways are stable, it’s been 9 years you know , I need about 3 months
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‘Of course?’ You very directly communicated that you think it is, both by blocking her and having your mom paint the nursery when you knew she wanted to do it.
I’m afraid it’s too late now. That night was almost 3 years ago. I did contemplate going to the police after that night and going back to the restaurant to find out who was outside so they could’ve been a witness but I was too scared and felt trapped. I thought my only way out was to marry him.
Also I used to try to convince myself it wasn’t rape bc after he told me what happened I had a flashback of me asking for it. I tried to justify it. If I could go back in time I would’ve stayed home that night. Thank you though! I appreciate your advice. I just wanted to see what others though since one of my friends said it wasn’t rape and undermined what I felt
Your GF did exactly what one should do if they are in a committed relationship.
And yes she is right in cutting him out of her life, and your joint life. And she is also right that you should seriously consider cutting him from your life as well.
Actually lets put it another way, if you don’t cut him from your life, can you ever really trust him? and on top of that your GF will probably end up leaving you over it.
The fight was about him crossing my emotional boundaries as this kept happening more frequently the past month. This is something we had sat down for and agreed on in the past so that this won’t happen in the future, however he wasn’t acknowledging his behavior while also disregarding my boundaries (I was getting upset because there was no room to have a normal conversation)
But you don't understand, he tried saying no but the sexy lady was just too sexy! Turns out it was literally impossible not to have sex with her. In fact, OP should get some kind of civilian award for resisting as long as he did. /s
Putting aside all the “dear penthouse” details about how she rubbed her boobs on you and stuff, the facts are that you cheated on your partner and broke her trust. Repeatedly, what with that detail about also having sex with a guy that you forgot to mention. Tell her, apologise sincerely, and do some serious self reflection on how you treat people you profess to care about.
I would be cautious on fully believing something that you heard in times between being awake and asleep (falling asleep, waking up). These are actually pretty weird times for our brains and can produce hallucinations in many people.
This. I was once convinced my mom came to visit me. I “woke up” to the sound of my front door closing and heard her calling out “Hello” and talking to my dog. I remember being irritated because I hate people dropping by unannounced, especially early in the morning.
It doesn't have to be cheating to be unacceptable to you, it could just be that you don't think the lifestyle he leads is something you want to live with. Always wondering why about a partner can be a grinding thing to your trust.
I guess you're right. it is likely that I will never be sure if he is with others or not but it is up to him. What I do know is that I don't like what is happening and I don't want it
Snooping is not nice but the suspicion of cheating or other things trumps that. Since he is also actively avoiding conversation it's your only resort short of leaving the relationship. Also if you find evidence of something document it before confronting him.
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong here.
Stop the passive aggressive pushing for marriage.
He clearly said that he isn't ready. If that isn't enough for you to understand: Put on the adult pants and have a serious talk about your expectations for the relationship. And if that doesn't fullfill your wishes and needs, maybe you should start thinking about if you are in the right relationship. Both of you.
And given your constant pushing for something he doesn't want at the moment, he is most likely already considering if he wants to continue this relationship with you.
People’s physiology changes in their late 20s. When you’re 20 you can stay up all night but by the time you’re 30 you start to appreciate not feeling like a zombie at work and you go to bed earlier.
If you want the sex, listen to her and plan it earlier. Skip the movie.
Too bad about your hurt feelings. It happens to all of us. Pathetic is a word that should be erased from your vocabulary. You are a mid-twenties woman that is at the beginning of a lifetime adventure. There are things that everyone needs to learn. Be happy.
Well if you are both into each other you can buy him anything you want.
It's not just sex, or at least to me it isn't
The answer is hiding somewhere in there. Your “relationship” is focused on sex. And maybe he feels different about it than you.
Am I too sensitive
Yes, stop being so possessive. You dont own this person. You told her you didn't want to contact the dude and that should be enough. Don't be jelly unless she gives a reason to be. Turning away a phone from a nosey dude is nbd.
I don't think you're ready for a relationship. Theres plenty of dudes who run laps around me in appearance, shape, and personality something goes for my partner, but ultimately we don't want nobody else. don't let your insecurities ruin what you have going on. its kinda sad cuz I know behind close doors he sits here pleads and begs for you to believe him when he tells you he loves you for you. If breast size really mattered to him he wouldn't be in a relationship with you at all.
Definitely not, that’s purely disrespectful towards you. Simply not even a thought about “how it could be disrespectful” is where the wrong comes in. You are NOT wrong for being upset about YOUR personal slow dancing WITH SOMEONE ELSE to a romantic song.
So to me, if he's saying he does that but then doesn't do it for you, that's him communicating that he sees you as less of a partner than his past relationships.
Look that partner straight in the eyes. Tell that person the exact way you feel. Get straight to the chase. Honestly ! My opinion.
Well, this is definitely a big red flag. It might be a good place to set a boundary. It could be something like this. Since I have been cheated on in the recent past if you can’t be honest with me, I don’t think we can do a relationship. I would leave it at that. At this point you’ll get more evidence down the line if it’s more damning than that.
You on-line in NYC?
Google NYC divorce attorney and call a couple of the hits to get a free consult ASAP
He got angry because she wasn't giving him a son. There are zero justifiable reasons to act that way.
The only potential polite society convention that could potentially explain is the expectation of a formal conversation stating you were no longer interested. Yes, one date, no additional contact should make it clear but it feels a little like the 'why didn't they call' thinking. Their threshold for expecting the call might just be really low.
She's a weirdo
What about fostering?
Thats why the comparison is with babies, not children xD
Wow.
“I feel so bad that I just keep doing it.”
If you really felt bad you would break up with this person, and you would STAY SINGLE while you talk to a professional and work on yourself.
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It’s not the first time I’ve heard this but I’m taking your advice, enough of everything I’m done, but I will take my time moving out, I need to make sure all my ways are stable, it’s been 9 years you know , I need about 3 months
Hello /u/natalie2647,
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‘Of course?’ You very directly communicated that you think it is, both by blocking her and having your mom paint the nursery when you knew she wanted to do it.
I’m afraid it’s too late now. That night was almost 3 years ago. I did contemplate going to the police after that night and going back to the restaurant to find out who was outside so they could’ve been a witness but I was too scared and felt trapped. I thought my only way out was to marry him.
Also I used to try to convince myself it wasn’t rape bc after he told me what happened I had a flashback of me asking for it. I tried to justify it. If I could go back in time I would’ve stayed home that night. Thank you though! I appreciate your advice. I just wanted to see what others though since one of my friends said it wasn’t rape and undermined what I felt
It’s literally treating women like a toy you don’t want to share and that has no say in who she has sex with.
I think you do know what to do.
Not too many people would be 100% comfortable that he constantly hangs out with an ex, who he dated for 2 years.
A fair point.
Your GF did exactly what one should do if they are in a committed relationship.
And yes she is right in cutting him out of her life, and your joint life. And she is also right that you should seriously consider cutting him from your life as well.
Actually lets put it another way, if you don’t cut him from your life, can you ever really trust him? and on top of that your GF will probably end up leaving you over it.
The fight was about him crossing my emotional boundaries as this kept happening more frequently the past month. This is something we had sat down for and agreed on in the past so that this won’t happen in the future, however he wasn’t acknowledging his behavior while also disregarding my boundaries (I was getting upset because there was no room to have a normal conversation)
But you don't understand, he tried saying no but the sexy lady was just too sexy! Turns out it was literally impossible not to have sex with her. In fact, OP should get some kind of civilian award for resisting as long as he did. /s
Putting aside all the “dear penthouse” details about how she rubbed her boobs on you and stuff, the facts are that you cheated on your partner and broke her trust. Repeatedly, what with that detail about also having sex with a guy that you forgot to mention. Tell her, apologise sincerely, and do some serious self reflection on how you treat people you profess to care about.
fill up her gas tank
Are we talking metaphorically or figuratively?
Does he know what a dick he’s being?
I would be cautious on fully believing something that you heard in times between being awake and asleep (falling asleep, waking up). These are actually pretty weird times for our brains and can produce hallucinations in many people.
This. I was once convinced my mom came to visit me. I “woke up” to the sound of my front door closing and heard her calling out “Hello” and talking to my dog. I remember being irritated because I hate people dropping by unannounced, especially early in the morning.
Then I actually woke up.
We can disapprove of our friend's actions / behaviour and voice that to them, without completely cutting them out of our lives.
We are supposed to support our friends – that sometimes involved calling them out on their bad behaviour.
It doesn't have to be cheating to be unacceptable to you, it could just be that you don't think the lifestyle he leads is something you want to live with. Always wondering why about a partner can be a grinding thing to your trust.
I guess you're right. it is likely that I will never be sure if he is with others or not but it is up to him. What I do know is that I don't like what is happening and I don't want it
Snooping is not nice but the suspicion of cheating or other things trumps that. Since he is also actively avoiding conversation it's your only resort short of leaving the relationship. Also if you find evidence of something document it before confronting him.
Yes you can. Some people need a fan even in the winter to sleep.
Maybe it’s cultural ??
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong here.
Stop the passive aggressive pushing for marriage.
He clearly said that he isn't ready. If that isn't enough for you to understand: Put on the adult pants and have a serious talk about your expectations for the relationship. And if that doesn't fullfill your wishes and needs, maybe you should start thinking about if you are in the right relationship. Both of you.
And given your constant pushing for something he doesn't want at the moment, he is most likely already considering if he wants to continue this relationship with you.
People’s physiology changes in their late 20s. When you’re 20 you can stay up all night but by the time you’re 30 you start to appreciate not feeling like a zombie at work and you go to bed earlier.
If you want the sex, listen to her and plan it earlier. Skip the movie.
Too bad about your hurt feelings. It happens to all of us. Pathetic is a word that should be erased from your vocabulary. You are a mid-twenties woman that is at the beginning of a lifetime adventure. There are things that everyone needs to learn. Be happy.
Share that you’re going to be getting a new BF. This one’s a real jerk.
He thinks you hold him to the same standards as these ugly men. He’s insecure about himself. That’s why he’s bringing it up