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Call me Di, 23 y.o.
Location: South America
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Date: November 14, 2022
If you’re using that word I’m sure you don’t know your place
I agree with you. Work on your issues together and continue to assess whether or not you are truly compatible before taking any next steps. I think that it is time that the two of you have a very serious talk about the future. You need to be honest with her that you are not ready for marriage and children and you also need to be honest that you are not feeling great about the relationship. As far as the hobbies go, on one hand it is healthy to have things that you do on your own or with friends that don't include your partner. However, it is also healthy to have activities and hobbies that the two of you enjoy together. I think you need to make it known to her what a huge issue you find these things to be and enlist her help in coming up with some solutions. What sounds fun and exciting to her? What hasn't she tried that she would be open to? What does she feel she needs more of from you? If she keeps trying to ignore the problems, the gap between the two of you will just continue to grow and you will both end up miserable.
Your last paragraph seems to be the one.
I've developed performance anxiety after being with someone for a few years. Then it went away after my anxiety went away. Definitely in my head. For context, my performance anxiety came in the form of being a bit premature.
Maybe get into shape, look into therapy for it, eat some psychedelic mushrooms and try again.
Are there other ways you can satisfy her? I would be a little concerned about the suggestion of finding fulfillment elsewhere but you know better than anyone.
is there something wrong with me?
Yes.
and it got serious. Which i believe it should
You appear to be the only one escalating the premise. She would rather not be harassed/abused by you for something outside of her control.
because i can deal with all this as long as i have some closure on this. As of now she's unable to give it.
If it's impossible to see how you're in the wrong here, do this kind lady a favor and break it off so she can be with someone who actually values her as an individual.
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If it helps, it is so amazing you can admit that (even anonymously). And I'll keep that secret for you, haha.
I know this means so little coming from an internet stranger, but I'm proud of you for still moving forward. Depression is horrible, words do not work to illustrate how horrible it is. But look at your badass self, getting up every time depression tries to knock you down. And not to speak for your sister, but I'm sure she' proud of you too, even if she doesn't say it.
Reminds me, I should probably go tell my brother I'm proud he's still trying. So thank you for that reminder.
Don't say something a deal breaker and then don't break the deal you are asking for a lifetime of misery he still gambling he will spend your money he will spend your rent money he will spend your light gas car money he will lie he will do anything to get money so that he can gamble is this the life that you want. If you don't break the deal anything that he puts you through is on you because you could have just walked away
Uou have no need to disclose anything, and haven't been unfaithful. You almost got taken advantage of while drunk. The guy KNEW you were drunk, and waited until you were alone. This is a story about you escaping a sleezy predator, not being a bad wife. Glad you are OK, OP. Don't trust this coworker alone with you in the future.
What are you doing with a girl who is barely out of her teens? How long have you know her?
My BF is the same, it's pretty frustrating to hear him take a monotone voice and “recite” the protocol. It makes me feel like a chore. I think that your wife should be more understanding that you come from far but also I very much understand her frustration.
First: if you can afford it, go to therapy, you can only gain from it.
2nd: try asking her before conflicts arises “what would help you feel better when these situations happen” sometimes just asking someone “do you want a solution or to vent?” “Would a hug help?” Makes a huuuge difference. It's not because you don't acknowledge the situation/issue that it will go away.
3rd: she needs to learn to self-sooth and not rely exclusively on you to bring herself back in her window of tolerance.
4th: establish a word that mean “I'm overwhelmed too, I can't help you right now” because you are allowed to feel like you can't help.
5th: find healthy relationships that you can model after. Or try and notice how your gf give comfort to people when they need it, that can provide insight on how she'd like to receive comfort.
Annnnnd, that's all I can think of right now.
Good luck
Really out here gatekeeping therapy
I would tell her that much as you like spending time with her, this conflicts with your schedule and how you like to spend your down time.
Jmm1272
she's fine with my ex comes over and hangs out with my family. When we started our relationship, I still talked to my ex and I said something to her that upset my girlfriend like sending a message 'send me a picture of your boobs' to my ex. It was just joking but still It was not appropriate. that's why my girlfriend is not comfortable if I still talk to her.