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Kinga, 28 y.o.
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Date: November 13, 2022
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What you did was massively invasive and you clearly have no respect for your sister. Yes, your sister messed up on most of her relationships, but this is something SHE needs to work on. Not you. It is not your job to babysit her relationships; she needs to develop on her own (and she probably wouldn't have cheated on her current bf? You don't even know now because in your heart, you strongly believe she would've cheated).
First and foremost, you ARE NOT going to reply to the boyfriend. You already set the tone in the relationship by stepping in and telling him about your sister's past. This should've allowed her to come clean to her boyfriend and he needs to discuss this with your sister, not you. You passed on your feelings of hatred onto the boyfriend. Now he's left with this constant paranoia of whether or not she is or will cheat on him. He's also having trust issues, seeing as how he went to you, and not your sister with these questions (plus, you told him. OF COURSE he's going to have more questions). You singlehandedly ruined this relationship by telling him your sister's dating history and you thought your sister would ruin it, but it was YOU.
Secondly, I find this very very hot to believe that you did this with no malicious intentions. Your actions were EXTREMELY calculated (popping up at someone else's home to be alone with their partner because you know that person ain't going to be home but just their partner is a little sus imo. You could've called, knowing she wasn't there; yet, you decided the best course of action was to go there in person and tell him? That's weird). With the way you speak about your younger sister, it makes me think that you are jealous of her relationships and feel that this man is too good for her. Who are you to judge whether or not someone is a decent fit or not for them to be in a relationship? You aren't the one in the relationship; I'm sure you do not know this man as well as your sister (But you spent the WHOLE YEAR getting to know him /s).
Lastly… you need to distance yourself from your sister. You know waaaaay too much about her dating history. You mentioned that she has told you about her affairs and how it has impacted your view of her. Well, obviously, you don't feel as close to her as she does to you. You clearly have a bad image of your sister, so why are you continuing to be close to her knowing all of this? You betrayed your sister super hard and it's no wonder she doesn't want to speak about you, especially if she is trying to change.
What you did was a gamble and it is an extremely risky one that could hinder your sister's progress to change or make her relapse. But, it sounds like your opinion was already formed and you couldn't careless to actually see if your sister would change.
I would just leave him
I will try to get the whole story. Do you think asking her relatives will be a good thing?
Did you see her update? The sheer toxicity of that update makes me hope to hell that she grows up enough to say “I'm breaking up with you” so she doesn't become that awful person.