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Janie, 54 y.o.
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Date: November 13, 2022
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It sounds like you don't have time for a relationship at all right now.
This is so, so gross. I’m just glad OP hasn’t driven them into a lake yet, or locked them in her in laws attic to make paper flowers.
Is it possible to be in a committed relationship while still being friendly terms with your ex.
Sure, but only with someone who is ok with that.
Personally, I wouldn't date someone still involved in any way with their ex. It's a dealbreaker for me.
First, you should find out where things will default legally. In Ontario (for example) the default is hyphenated names in alphabetical order unless the parents agree otherwise. I assume you live elsewhere, so you should find out what that means.
Second, how important is this to you? Is it a deal breaker? Are you staying together or coparenting separated? Do you have plans to marry her?
Third, why are you paying for her shit? Especially since you aren’t married. If you don’t like the answer to number one, and especially if this is a big deal to you, let her know that you can simply pack your shit and let her pay her own bills if she doesn’t hear you on this.