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John, 30 y.o.
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Date: November 13, 2022
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I think it probably just freaked him out that things were moving so fast so quick.
Thanks for your advice mate ❤️. It's truly useful. I'll update ya
None of this makes sense. How are 28 together 3.5 years but known each other since your 15 yet you’ve never met his friends or family?
“He just wanted to see me and didn't want me going out.” Uh, yeah, because he's an insecure and controlling douche nozzle. I can't believe you let him win.
If she’s comfortable having sex with two forms of birth control, then not having sex is an overreaction.
worth it to try?
“Worth” it, or not (to you), you should do whatever you feasibly can to repair the damage. You caused the damage, you're responsible for it – try to fix it / make it better/”repaired” as feasible. Doesn't mean you'll get sh*t out of it, but don't expect to. You f*cked it up, you should try to repair the damage – period. Do the right thing.
And if it works out for you … great, … if not, “oh well”. Can't change the past. But do the right thing – at least reasonably try to fix it / repair the damage, etc.
But don't push what won't work. E.g. if being around or trying with those you've hurt/damaged, only makes it worse for them … then let it/them go. Some things can't be fixed – or can't be fixed by you.
And don't be doing more f*ckups. Keep with the recovery, therapy, etc. And bloody hell, don't ever drink again, and don't be an *ss.
Good luck – and keep workin' on it.
There's no way to control how someone will react to your apology. You can't unsay what you said and that “joke” you made obviously wasn't funny.
Best you can do is own up to your fuck up, say that you took the joke too far, and that you in no way think he's abusive. Just don't do it until he's ready to talk tomorrow. After that, it's up to him to decide what he wants to do.
Have you considered/tried couple’s therapy? This is one of those situations where it doesn’t sound like anything has happened that you can’t recover from.
A big part of making relationships work is understanding there are some things people can improve and there’s some they can’t; likewise there are some imperfections in your partner that you can live with, and there are others that you can’t. Only you can decide where that line is, and a therapist would likely be better suited to help you navigate this than a bunch of internet strangers. 8 years is a long time to be with someone, and it sounds like despite some very valid concerns of yours, he’s also managed to be a good partner in many ways.
All that said – sometimes you fall out of love, and you no longer have the heart to put in the effort necessary. If you’ve already reached that point, it’s better to move on than to continue to drag this out. In the end you’ll likely only bring each other.
Based on what you said about the drugs, it sounds like he goes through drug binges doing weed and mushrooms regularly over the course of a few weeks. Completely understand why that would be problematic for you.
I’d add that it’s hard to give much of a recommendation without more details. You say you believe he’s getting lazier, but then immediately backtrack and say that’s not necessarily true – what habits has he started to display that would make you think that?
You say that he’s not great at making people feel better, and you’re tired of crying by yourself and walking on eggshells. Are you continuing to bring him into those situations to be a support for you, or are you closing him off from those conversations entirely and essentially swallowing it?
Either he's cheating and projecting on you or he is permanently mentally scared from ex's I would 100% tell him “it won't be chating” that breaks us apart you doofus it will be your insane behavior and maybe this is why your exs moved on if you treat people like this?