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AussieTgirl, y.o.
Location: Australia
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Date: November 10, 2022
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Sit him down and tell him everything you said in here, he might be upset at first for you snooping around in his DMs and you should apologise for that. But that is not the issue; he seems to be actively setting a stage to have a side chick. And that is emotional betrayal, even if it is not yet technical cheating. He definitely betrays you emotionally with his behaviour. And guess what, if you were the one doing the things he did, he would also feel anxious and insecure. If he is not able to grasp this and act accordingly, by apologising and changing his behaviour drastically….regaining your trust. You should not waste your time with this person.
The concept of soulmate is something our society uses to label something that is a whole package of things. From chemical chemistry to compatibility…loyalty etc etc. You can have that with more than one person …and guess what, never ever is there a person that is just ticking all the boxes to an extent that there wouldn’t be any confrontation (that would be boring in its own way anyway). The real question is; are you committed. Are you ready to work on your relationship…are you able to listen and provide a platform for your partner to express their feelings. Even if they don’t make sense to you. If your partner can’t do that ….which will now be a test for you two… then all the chemistry and all the wild sex can’t make up for it when it comes to sharing your life with this person.
It’s a ducked up system. But anger regarding your friend is just hurting you, as you’ve realized.
I’d recommend reframing the issue every time you start feeling jealous. Remind yourself of these things: 1) it’s blood money paid for by the death of her mother 2) there are so many people in the world who have it worse than you, they would be jealous of YOU, wealth/privilege is a global spectrum and you are not at the bottom of it 3) you love your friend and if somebody in the world got to be rich, you’re glad it’s her
I’d work on repeating those every time the jealous thoughts/feelings come up. With time, I think this will help them fade until they’re not bothering you anymore.
Is there any explanation that would make this okay?
That's a question you have to answer for yourself.
I suppose the reason I'm being kind of noncommittal here is because there have been times when someone comes on here with a complaint like this and then it comes out later in the comments that they have a history of big time jealousy issues.
If you've never given her a reason to think you'd overreact if she was honest with you (and I don't mean just an “I'm not comfortable with this” conversation) and she chose to hide it anyway, then that's absolutely a huge red flag.
If I were in your shoes, the conversation would start with why did you feel the need to hide it? Why weren't you honest with me from the start?
What is your BF saying?
Is he supportive of having the child?
You need to be settled in the decision and soon.
Your absent father could be a present grandfather. He might be disappointed by the timing but happy for the new grandchild.