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Nita, 18 y.o.
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Date: November 8, 2022
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If you feel like you’re settling now, it’ll come out later and be very painful for her. Starting something serious because you think they’re way way more into you as a safety net may also not work because people do change over time.
If you love her, sounds like you don’t, then start the relationship and take it extremely slowly. Keep parents and proposals out of it.
If you don’t love her, she probably won’t stay on your back burner for long and someone will scoop her up. Won’t be your concern anymore.
Reddit isn't evidence, OP, and who gives a flying fuck what other people think.
Why do you have this hang-up around marriage? Was this a belief you held before and you went to Reddit to cherry pick evidence supporting your stance? Or did you have no clue what to do, Googled it, and figured “if this is what Reddit says, it is right”?
This is wildly immature behavior, OP. Go talk to the person you want to live with. Work with her. Get off the internet.
And FWIW, my husband and I split rent proportionally long before we were married. Many people I know did that as well. And while we weren't posting all over Reddit about it, it worked.
I will just say, hormones are wild and they genuinely can turn nice people abusive or worse (eg post partum psychosis). I know someone who thought she'd had a stroke in pregnancy, arrived at the ED where they also thought she'd had a stroke, but after tests etc the reason she was talking and writing etc in gibberish was hormones. Does NOT excuse abusive behaviour, I just think it's important to note that the other difficulties of pregnancy are not necessarily her excuse for her behaviour, especially since she quickly reverted after giving birth I think it's likely that hormones played a huge role. But she needs to recognise that and either start working on mitigating it now (eg start therapy, talk to her doctor about ways to minimise it) or accept that her being pregnant again is just not feasible if she wants to continue her current relationship. And maybe the hormones won't be as bad this time, but they could also be worse, there's no way of knowing. One of the many reasons that pregnancy is fucked up.
Idk. It was probably just a piss poor joke. If he didn't like it he wouldn't joke about it, or want it. Give him some slack. If it continues and he starts degrading you or not accepting your boundaries about it, then you have issues. You're both young and dumb. Its a tasteless, ill mannered and insensitive joke