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Date: November 8, 2022
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With treatment you can get better. You deserve a partner who supports you. Not a mommy boy. Leave his ass.
Why were you apologizing? It not your fault that his dad is racist.
I’m going to tell you something that you probably won’t listen to.
If they want to they will.
Otherwise you’re wasting your time man. I’m sorry. This goes for anything in life though. If she wanted to be your girlfriend she would be.
Okay 1. what the fuck. 2. They should have known what they were doing was going to fuck things up. You never were enthusiastic about it and it seemed like you just admitted defeat in an attempt to get things back to normal. Like who in a healthy relationship says “hey honey. I am physically attracted to your best friend. Can we sleep with eachother?” And you responded in a way that was obviously not okay. You DID give them the OK though, which is what they’re pulling at but it’s their actions who did this. It doesn’t give them the right to manipulate you though. You’re right, they wanted to avoid a guilty conscience. 3. Also as a child of divorce, DO NOT stay in a relationship “for the children” when it’s clear neither of you want to be there. It damaged me more than the divorce to see my parents fighting constantly and their obvious disdain for eachother. Children are smarter than you think when it comes to this stuff. Just because you aren’t separated from your spouse doesn’t automatically equal stability for your children.
Where do you go now? Well, things arent getting better as they are. You’re absolutely right, your husband needs therapy – but you do too. You both should be in individual AND couples therapy to see where to go on this and actually communicate. I know, surprising, you have to communicate with eachother to get anywhere. Either that or divorce. If you stay like it is, nothings going to get better. Your relationship will just become even more strained. It’s likely at some point that your husband will continue seeing other people because he’s not getting anything out of the relationship from you anymore and you will continue to sulk and the cycle will continue.
You need to the realization you have 3 options to go here with somewhat different results for your kids. 1. Don’t do anything and have a terrible relationship with your partner while your children experience it second-hand – you’re damaging them this way because they’re emotionally intelligent enough to tell something’s going on. 2. Get a divorce with your husband. Any kid is likely going to be upset and affected by this but it’s better than seeing two people in a toxic relationship and calling it “love” (is that the example you want to set for them?). Or 3. Go to marriage counseling, figure out if this is worth salvaging and if it can be at all. From there you will have the best chance of choosing the healthiest way forward. (This could lead in having a good relationship with your husband which would be beneficial for everyone in the family or getting a divorce and figuring out how to co-parent healthily to have the most stable environment).
I want to leave this on a note if it’s not usually the act of divorce that messes up kids, it’s how their parents treat eachother and communicate afterwards. It’s very possible to have a healthy divorce and have an equally stable quality of life to not being divorced. You have to put in the effort and so does he.
Nah he should not be guilt tripping you for not playing with his sexual fantasies. That's super not cool and that's not how you get comfortable enough to try new sexual things. Clearly since because of his actions you now have no want for it. You need to tell him that making you feel bad about it will make it so it never happens. And if you don't want to try anymore than that is IT. He's a complete jerk for what he's doing. All that being said when he gets his act right try butt plugs.
He’s a child. Fucking leave him
Is this someone you want to be friends with anyway? She sounds like a shitty person!
Ah, extorting an old man for a chance at reconnecting with his kid before he dies — classic!
Yeah, it's a dirtbag move. Don't try to reframe it as it's really just helping your mom (lol). That was her choice to financially support you, it wasn't a debt your father has been absently collecting seeing as you know, you could just not be financially dependent on your mom.
You're 34, a middle aged man. Why are you panhandling for handouts? Why are you leveraging relationships for cash infusions? Are you doing drugs?
We have a disconnected heroine addict brother that uses his gf to 'offer a chance to reconnect' if we 'help them out.' He's a piece of shit, and it's a scam.
Yes it's unethical. Extorting your mean ol' dad doesn't make it magically ethical. This is you wanting free money and a cool scheme involving manipulating emotions to do it. Don't get it twisted.
Good luck with your life choices