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Hey!! I’m new here and I want to know you @GOAL GET HOT + OIL [183 tokens remaining]
Date: November 7, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
Hey!! I’m new here and I want to know you @GOAL GET HOT + OIL [183 tokens remaining]
Therapy is your best bet. If that’s not an option, consider this. One, your level of emotional self awareness of your feelings is amazing. Lots of people have a similar issue as you, but aren’t even aware of how they feel so they have a much harder time. So you’ve got half of the issue already taken care of, knowing you’re feelings. Second, you felt more for her probably BECAUSE of her clinginess. It made you feel more secure and that the relationship would last. But that level of clinginess is unhealthy, saying she’d kill herself with out you. But I’ll set that aside for now, as that’s not what you’re asking help with, but do be careful about that.
Three, the problem it sounds like you have is that the moment you feel even one moment of fear that things might not work, rather than see that as a sign to work on the relationship to improve and stabilize it, you see that as a sign to start to end it. So in short your coping mechanism for ANY relationship stress is to end it. So the solution is to develop healthier coping mechanism for relationship stress. Develop better conflict resolution skills so you can see how relationships can get stronger after conflict. Seek reassurance when you feel worried so you feel more certain of the relationship. Improve integrity between you two so you can trust each other’s words that when you say you care for each other you trust that both of you mean it. Work to recognize and replace the negative self talk in your head with reassuring and action focused messaging rather than pessimistic ones. If you want more info on any of those things, let me know and I’ll share more. But like I said, just the fact that you know how you feel, you’re already half way towards the solution and for many it’s the knowing your feelings and knowing how to fix it that’s the hot part. Once you’ve got those two things down, it’s just a matter of time and practice before you start to see improvements. So you got this.
So, she’s not perfect. Perfect would have been telling you up front, and none of that “I have something to tell you but first promise not to break up with me” bullshit. I can understand her anxiety but stalling 4 months isn’t cool and trying to lay on a guilt trip isn’t cool. Up to you whether that particular imperfection is a dealbreaker.
Your gf deserves a supportive, loving partner. She doesn’t deserve for that partner to be you, bc she hasn’t treated you very well. If you can get past this and stay with her, she’ll have lucked out.
You may not be ready to date a trans person. Most trans (or any other kind of queer) people aren’t cool with being trans at first, and they need time to come to terms with it. That means challenging all the BS you’ve internalized, preparing for what the world may say, what it means for your future, etc. The partner of a trans person may also have internalized BS to deal with or concerns about the future. You might need time to come to terms with all of that before you’re able to be the good, supportive partner a trans gf deserves. So don’t think you’re necessarily a hater just bc you’re not instantly good with it.
If you’re just feeling queasy at the lying, that’s also understandable. But if some of it is that you’re not (yet?) enlightened enough to date a trans person, I’d try not to feel terrible about that. You can aim to grow and become a better person. But you’re not obligated to be perfect, and if this is one of your imperfections, there was an easy way for her to find that out a long time ago.
This sounds like a confusing experience. I hope you can take a little time to sort out your feelings and that it will bring you some clarity. I hope she’ll be understanding about this.
On the outside it appears the ballerina didn’t think he was good enough for her. But under the surface she just couldn’t keep up with a relationship because of her demanding rehearsal schedule. It was easier to make it look like she just didn’t like him instead of admit to herself all those grueling hours at the barre might not be worth it. In the end the sk8er boi got the sk8er girl and the ballerina went on to have a successful career because she valued the hot work over partying and dating in her most formative years.
People get weird about adult family members and beds. In some cultures it’s completely normal. For some people (including in the US), it’s not something you do after a certain age. Think kissing siblings or parents on the lips.
You’ll have to decide if what he’s ok with is what you’re ok with (and vice versa).