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valery-carvajall chat
Date: November 5, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
valery-carvajall chat
tbf Bumble has a BFF mode too in which you can only seen for friends (women looking women friends typically), I personally use it so I know its not just BS. but of course its likelier that she is using it in order to cheat. if u can get the phone again snd see who she matched with it would confirm.
You should divorce if you can't get over this. She deserves to find someone who's mentally strong and emotionally mature. She doesn't deserve to have her worth measured by your insecurities. You need intense therapy, and she needs to be free of you.
I think you need to be up front with your boundary (not co-sleeping) and have a long conversation with your partner about what this means for your relationship. This is a boundary a lot of step parents have, so nothing unusual there. Vacation is bringing it to the forefront, but this is a big issue long term. It may mean you never progress in your relationship. If it does, it is better to know this now.
Please look up 'gaslighting' because that is not this.
What 'proving' would work for you?
Listen, I don't know what's what with you, how long you've been involved (two months? two years? two decades?), maybe she panic-lied about knowing someone with that name out of not wanting to hurt you. Are you guys really young?
That said. When it comes to these things, most of the time it's nothing. It's a brain blip out of habit. My mom has called me my brother's name (and he's a He and has been dead for four years). My grandma used to call me my mom's name. I've called new boyfriends old boyfriend's names. I called my current boyfriend the cat's name.
It happens. It's a Non-Thing.
Take that for what you will.
He should have called the guy as soon as he 100% for certain knew she cheated……that's guy code ……..it shows he don't really fuck with dude at all and he only telling him.now cause he don't want to be the only one butt hurt so now he is straight telling on everyone no matter the reason………it's crazy how women all cheat and even when u find proof they will deny it till they die and being able to do that and stay wit ur man and never tell him……I couldn't look them in the face anymore cause guilt would eat me alive…..I….. im in the situation where I'm almost fucking certain my girl cheated and has been with same person for almost a year……..but I think the guy is married (if there really is a guy )Or she is right and I'm just absolutely crazy…….like the situations and shadyness and deflecting make it so obvious and she won't admit but I can't prove it
I do. Some of my female friends are not attractive to me. Nevertheless, their attractiveness is not a factor for a functioning friendship.
Have you heard the word fuckzoned? It’s the flip side of friendzoned. Usually when someone complains about being friendzoned the subject of their desire feels like you: asking themselves if they were really friends. Usually not, you were fuckzoned, all hangouts and friendly acts were designed to get you into bed. Which is a really heartbreaking thing to realize.
In my opinion it is possible to have platonic friendships with men. Hell you manage, why shouldn’t they. But 20yos are dumb. It gets better when you get older (but please don’t try to befriend 30+ guys, trust me, they will also fuckzone you while you are that young).
What you can do while waiting for everyone to grow up: evaluate the friendships. Take a hard look at them. Do they still talk to you once they start dating someone else? Good. Do you think they just try out their newly developed flirting skills? Could be fine. Do they act all weird once you flirt with another guy? Bad.
This is true.
Apparently ?
I had a similar relationship once with someone with childhood trauma. It turned into a caretaker relationship and was utterly exhausting. I think you need to face the truth that she is not in the right headspace to be in a relationship right now.
Can you give me the code so I can judge if it is appropriate or not.
C'mon now you're definitely overreacting. It's a dance who gives a damn. She came home and told you about it the whole nine. It would be different if she was hiding it etc… But she came out and was like hey got this dance. Imo it screams insecurity to get upset over it.
I’m going to leave my original comment for the posterity of who ever else comes across this thread and sees your follow up response to it
And I thank you for sharing more information in regards to what you said originally. I don’t know you but I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m really glad you left your abuser.
I hope you’re a lot happier now
Pregnancy is wild and a rush of so many different emotions and feelings, and it sucks but you have to be strong for her and with her. When I was pregnant I literally sobbed because I was craving something and my husband couldn’t get it. He said something like “I just don’t have the money, sorry babe…” and I started yelling and going on about how his friend asked for a raise and got it and he should too and he walked out of the room. I calmed down after a few moments of ugly crying and then I approached him and asked for a hug and told him I’m sorry and then he said “hey look, this bill actually isn’t due until next week. What did you want again?” And then I told him and got all excited and squeezed him and told him he’s the best husband ever. I ate the food and then complained I looked like an orangutan and then he chuckled and I cried and laughed simultaneously and he asked me if he could rub my belly that night and talk to our son and I said “depends, do I really look like an orangutan to you?” And he took a deep breath and had to gather himself to say “no baby” and then I let him talk to our son.
He deserves an award for situations like that, I swear! ?
One of my favorites was when I was so big I couldn’t get my socks on and he refused to help because he was laughing at my attempts and he said “c’mon preggers! You got this! Oooo so close!” I threw my shoe at him and he was hysterical.
I said I’m like that, not you. I said for some people, not all. If you want people touching you all day long, fine. I hope you find someone that is willing to do that.
Go. Go now. Go to your other family.
The court process will take a while. Even then, you have quite a case about how your husband is emotionally and financially abusive.
Be the example for your children that you want them to see.
You need therapy. What she did wasn’t okay but what you did wasn’t either. 10 years is a long time. You have a partner now so act like it instead of treating her like a secret mistress. She feels like she has to complete with your late wife. You should have treated her better. She put up with it for 2 years so it’s understandable why she snapped. She shouldn’t have done it towards your kid. But I do believe what she told you is something you needed to hear.
Have you ever met this man in person? How long have you actually known him?
I would strongly advise against going to his house (2 hours away) unless you have met him in public several times previously.
Also if he wants to see you so badly he can come to you.
His brother may very have ulterior motives. Most likely hes being nice. It does take two to tango so I can see his side.
Very tough to say
Seriously what is up with people here. They expect the BF to go around shutting down any guy who show interest in his GF, No it's the GF responsibilty to do that.
Yes.
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Then he's just a dick.
Like no one gets to say, well sometimes I build homeless shelters and sometimes I fuck goats, but that doesn't mean I'm a goat fucker. You are tho. If he is a dick sometimes, he is a dick all the time who just happens to act nice occasionally.
It’s hard to say objectively, but the fact he went straight to thinking the award could only have been because the kid is trans — when you’ve said in a comment he improved this season too — makes it very possibly transphobic.
It's definitely jewelry that fell off the back of a truck and he's re-selling it.
Idk, none of us can know. The only way you will find out is if you ask him, yes, but be prepared for him to be offended that you spent so much time snooping through his things.
To be fair, his comment was directed at extratestresstrial.
Depends on who broke it off .. if he did then it’s possible he may be trying with someone else and would like to appear single to that person.
Either the way, it’s nots healthy to be hooking up with someone you still want to be with and they don’t reciprocate.. I know it goes against your nature to stop because you’ve been together for a while… but trust me, you will save yourself heart ache later.
There are so many red flags here that I'm wondering if you're leading a communist chapter. You are not responsible for teaching a 30 year old abuser how to behave decently.
Does this man live and die by thesaurus.com? I mean…“variegatedness” is not a word. Did he mean variegation? What’s wrong with “diversity?”
First of all, as many have mentioned, it’s not really accurate in this case since not portraying a black person.
But secondly, any commentary on race or ethnic/cultural proclivities that align to a race — is not racist.
Tell your friend to stop policing other people’s actions. This will not be the last time they make something into a problem. I would move on and let them know you love them and sorry if you’re offended. Hopefully someday you can see each other’s perspectives.
YTA
But someone please explain to me why there are so many boys like this. How in the actual fuck?
I would feel horribly guilty and I would be upset. Maybe not quite like him, but I would be upset.
I'm not asking if such a thing exists. Every fantasy you could imagine has at least a few people into it. I'm specifically asking if you bf, in a discussion about fantasies, told you that he had a rape kink, would you be ok with it? That is the situation the op finds himself in. Its perfectly fine to not be ok with your partner's fantasies whether or not they're acted upon.
He finally admits to cheating but says you can't get mad? What next, is he going to shoot you and get mad when you bleed? You're life is only going to get better without that kind of BS in it.
For what it's worth, I'm a guy and my best friend of several years is a woman who is in a serious relationship.
Even if you gave your best friend the absolutely highest benefit of the doubt that he is just acting jealous out of a fear of losing his connection/time with you (as happens frequently when someone enters a new relationship), you need to set him straight.
Tell him that if these “comparisons” or attempts to share time with you in the way your boyfriend would do not immediately stop, then you will have to unfortunately end the friendship and cut ties with him.
He needs to hear that and adjust his behavior accordingly. If you want to soften the message a bit, then offer him up some examples of the ways in which he will still be your best friend that runs parallel to your romantic relationship.
Out of curiosity what does your boyfriend think of 30M?
In therapy. Self esteem is fine. It's Body Dysphoria, But thank you web MD
No it’s not, that’s so dramatic. And saying you look older is different than the age old “wow you’re so mature for your age.” If anything, most women (even those of us in our 20s) prefer to look younger than our age than older, so it’s not exactly a compliment either
You won’t understand as you have missing information, the real reasons why he wants to end it. Leaving you confused.
I’m not saying he has met someone else, but that’s often the kind of thing they keep quiet about and come up with bullshit reasons instead.
Try not to over analyse everything as you’ll never make sense on what little you’ve been told. You haven’t done anything wrong, or could have made a difference doing all those little things differently. This is definitely a him issue and not a you issue. So please don’t let it go round and round your head and drive you mad.
Try to focus on what a great, decent person you are, and put a smile on your face. And leave him to his flimsy, made up nonsense.
thanks, and definitley, hindsight is always more clear. I thought we had patched it over and were in a good place after talking before the spa. I kept repeatedly checking in with her to see if she still wanted to go, offering to go home. I thought she came around and was excited to go in – she definitely seemed that way when we entered, and in the spa for most of the time seemed content and happy. I'm not sure, I'm fucking confused.
Buy the watch from her when you reach your goal. Ask to have a face to face conversation about your expectations etc. Are you someone that is difficult to buy gifts for in general? Maybe its how you communicated that you wanted it but didn't frame it and she just heard you talking about it. She over stepped, but you just need to talk it out.
Yes zandarino! Will surely keep her up. She is my everything. Ig it’s just about compromises you are willing to make until it’s a dealbreaker
At this point why are you bothering us with this? He’s cheated over and over and you stay. So why waste your time on here when you’re not going to leave
Honestly, I had an abortion without telling my partner at the time, and he was shocked and relieved that I had the courage to make the decision/endure the procedure alone. I sent him an invoice which he was happy to pay. Eight years later, neither of us have kids, nor do we want them. It was a life saving decision.
OP, all you can really do is get out of this living arrangement ASAP. Your sister and her partner had their troubles even before you got there and there's nothing you can do to fix their relationship. If this means you and your boyfriend have to live apart for a while that's okay, it's part of the drama of a big move and might ultimately make you both appreciate it more when you get your own place. Support your sister by telling her that you'll always have her back but at the same time it's not your place to get involved in her relationship.
Aren't in that figure?!
I would nope out of this relationship. Not just for the debt (unless it was medical debt. Medical debt is bullshit) but for keeping it hidden until now. That does not bode well.
“anonymity” is especially tough if one starts a fwb/secondary relationship with a close friend you see regularly, someone living in the same town…. While OP might keep it a secret, what about friends, family, neighbors, the secondary partner etc.?
What if OP's wife wants to hang out with his friends or invites them over for dinner? This can quickly become extremely uncomfortable, hence, why many couples (who have this “anonymity” rule) say that friends/family etc. is completely off limits, and they usually also have rules about how often you can hang out, what happens if you develop feelings etc.
And folks this is the type of gf u don't want
Nope, I use them to masturbate plenty of times (lube + easy cleanup + better than just hand) and they always end up in the trash. Plus when I run out I have to buy more and keep them in the same place so they would have to be replenished every so often
There’s a good chance he already has it but doesn’t realize it..
Looking at OP’s comments, it seems like the mother is viewed as “negative”. She’s bitter, she has resentment, needs to fix herself by going to therapy but doesn’t go etc. On the other hand, the dad and his ap are “positive”. They are “photogenic” (means they look good together I assume), they are not the ones who are making a fuss, they are a seemingly happy family!
Look, I don’t think it’s reasonable to give an ultimatum to pick one parent over another. But what she did seems to be a result of bearing with this situation for 10 years, otherwise she could have done the same thing 10 years ago. The dad suffered little to no consequences (again, the consequences didn’t have to be being cut off). I can see how it hurts to be thrown away for a younger woman after many years. I can see how it can hurt to see them happy and seeing the kid is on their side!
I think you could have helped with this situation before it came to an ultimatum. Your actions spoke better than your words. Didn’t you ever get upset with your dad when the affair happened?
A loving mother wouldn’t have a sex life? ? Some of you on here need to go touch some grass. No way you actually think this.
Like he couldn’t tell by her profile pictures ?
I don’t blame her. You should show her more respect.
Even if it was somehow a joke, why do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you, your family, or your background?! Break up with him and tell him it's because he's a racist with no respect. Make sure you're safe. You never know how deep someone's hatred may run.
You're hurting your girl every time you have sex? If it wasn't a problem before, start using lube. Birth control literally turns us into the Sahara desert down there.
Birth control is a difficult adjustment. Suddenly, your body just doesn't work. It's frustrating. Even if she genuinely wants sex, the birth control won't let her body respond. At least with erectile dysfunction, a man can still get aroused. Hormonal birth control even takes that away from us. I could be trying everything in the book to arouse myself and the birth control will not allow it to happen.
Invest in lube and toys. And remember: as frustrated as you are, she's even more frustrated. I guarantee you she misses the way she felt before both control.
Leave this relationship dude. You deserve better. That is unhealthy and Off.
I think he doesn't want the divorce not because he's concerned about you but because he's concerned about losing money. He has already made it clear that he doesn't care about you. Do you want your daughter to have a marriage like yours? She'll grow up thinking this is normal or resenting both of you for only staying together because of her. Talk to a lawyer.
I think he doesn't want the divorce not because he's concerned about you but because he's concerned about losing money. He has already made it clear that he doesn't care about you. Do you want your daughter to have a marriage like yours? She'll grow up thinking this is normal or resenting both of you for only staying together because of her. Talk to a lawyer.
I agree with you and this advice, but OP is framing this like the deficiency is his wife’s. I think OP needs to change this mindset. It’s not that his wife “doesn’t make sense” it’s that he doesn’t understand.
OP, work first to understand and then to be understood. If I was your wife, I’d be annoyed with your implications that I was the problem in this scenario. It’s okay to just admit that you don’t understand a reference. It’s also okay to not pick apart everything she’s saying and just let it go like another commenter said by just saying, “hmmm interesting.”
I enjoy it …. As an art piece. Wouldn’t want it anywhere NEAR however
Yeah probably not a good conversation to have
I like big butts and I cannot lie!
On a T-shirt at my favorite BBQ Place
You should be in therapy for this. And you should start mentally preparing yourself for divorce, which is inevitable at this point. Staying with him is unhealthy for you.
I will say my friend, these are some alarming trends in the context of survivability of this relationship in the long run. She is effectively consuming almost $300 a month on fast food alone, and this is just talking about breakfast. That's nearly 3k annually on fast food breakfast. None of this is sustainable, these issues are going to compound themselves, assuming you're both in it for the long haul. A serious conversation is going to need to be had.
“Hey. I want to have a serious talk. I appreciate that you were open with me about how you've been feeling about the relationship and my shortcomings. I am prepared to make sacrifices and changes in order to be a better partner. That said. I feel as though the teamwork aspect of our partnership has been absent as of late. I want us to really work together at planning what our future is going to look like. This means addressing seriously destructive habits we BOTH need to break. I will take as many steps as I need to for us, but there are things I need from you in order to help us achieve these goals.”
The above is an idea of how to open up that sort of dialog, in an empathetic and mature way. She's 24 right? She should have the emotional maturity required to recognize and discuss her own vices and shortfalls. If this is trends as always about you, as in “You're too fat, you don't make enough money, why don't you man up and do this, why don't you listen to me, that idea is stupid, blah blah”… You are no longer in a relationship, you're being taken advantage and emotionally manipulated. None of this is sustainable and will lead nowhere good. This isn't how a modern 21st century partnership should feel or work.
My family is completely accepting of her, 100% no questions asked. Even after she cheated on me last year. They never throw shade on her like her family does to me. She is way more comfortable with my family than I am with hers, mostly because my family isn't breathing down our throats every day asking why we haven't made an hour trip to go see them
I also think there's a level of understanding and deep knowledge of one another that is shared between queer people that can't be found in heterosexual partnerships.
OP identifies as queer
Your boyfriend is an adult and is perfectly capable of deciding for himself what is and isn't good for him. Don't ruin something good for no reason other than low self esteem.
I tried to post on my OG throwaway, but my post got deleted because I need a special throwaway that contains “ThrowRA” to post here. I'm new to posting on Reddit, so I don't really know about this kind of stuff.
If you want to read the post I made prior to filing the report, or a more detailed explanation about how A and Z's relationship deteriorated so quickly, you can DM me and I'll send you the user.
didn't OP mention in a comment that he asked her about that?
Good news is you cna use this as a moment to ask her what would make her cum more and how you can improve on this together (contrary to popular belief this isnt a mans fault and not a mans failing. Its also failure to communicate on our oart as women if we arent telling guys this stuff)
So use this moment to do something together to make you less insecure.
“Ok thank you for telling me. With this in mind can we maybe communicate better in the bedroom and look at ways to make sure you always get off with me?”
Be open to toys, feedback and not always getting it right though otherwise theres no point
The amount of fucks given by the human beings in OPs fictional tale is ridiculous.
Nobody cares that much about anything.
Yes, I'm still in therapy (with psychologists and once every month with psychiatrist). It's something I'm gonna talk with them too, but wanted to hear (read) from other experiences.
Don't give her a great recommendation moving forward. Let the past be the past.
my ex fiancee and i are much younger than you guys (we’re both 19). he’s in the military and i’m a college student. the ring we picked out was moissanite & the band was real gold. it was about $1200. we both knew that later on in our marriage, we would be able to upgrade it when we both could afford it. i don’t ever want a real mined diamond because of the ethics behind it, but would love to have a lab grown diamond. those that were like my ring would have been around $5-6k. he doesn’t mind one day spending that much money on my ring, because we will be able to afford it. + we also believe in the traditional aspects of a relationship and marriage. while we were gonna just elope right now, my family and i were gonna pay for the big ceremony when we were ready to have one.
that was what i think is the big part here. we both were on the same page about it all, and i wasnt offended that he was spending less money than others on a ring.
Then that's a relationship man.