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Plug Butt [Multi Goal]
Date: November 5, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
Plug Butt [Multi Goal]
First of all congratulations on your beautiful new healthy baby! The second my son was out in my arms my life was forever changed in ways I never even imagined it comprehended it would before that moment so I completely relate to your experience. With that said there's a lot to unpack here. Please know that what I'm about to say only comes with the best intentions.
I think that you are really overreacting and that is much worse. Why don't you have the same open, direct and honest conversation with your mom that you had with your dad? That seems to me what an emotionally healthy mature adult would do. Before you have this conversation with her I also highly recommend that you work with your dad and put together a list of qualified therapists together that her insurance accepts so she can begin work with to help her begin to address her deeply rooted lifelong issues.
I also suggest that you also start seeing a therapist to help too. They can help you learn how to set realistic and healthy boundaries, have mature, direct and open conversations while recognizing the difference between rationale and irrational expectations and coping mechanisms as well as healthy expectations.
Please know I truly say this with the best intentions of love and kindness not with any kind of criticisms or judgements. I also don't say this in any way to be mean to you. I only recommend this because I think this could quickly spiral into a really regrettable and hurtful situation that is honestly quite unnecessary that will result in some major long-term consequences that don't need to happen. Your mother sounds like a really good mom. In my situation my mom was so toxic (she sat quietly and enabled me to suffer some of the most sadistic physical, sexual and emotional abuse you can imagine from the ages of 3-12) that resulted in my stepdad going to prison for 20 years that I cut off any and all contact between her and my child. He only met her once when he was around 8 and that was a complete disaster that I refused to ever allow to happen again. I decided at that moment that the cycle of sadistic abuse ends with me and chose to raise my son in an emotionally healthy and totally safe environment the second he was put in my arms. Because of that he's grown into a really well adjusted, sometimes even naive, emotionally healthy and well adjusted adult. So I can absolutely and totally understand your same desire.
Yes it is that video but where is the main problem?
You have every right to be jealous, she is spending time alone with another man, someone that you don't know. This is a coworker that you've never met?
I don't have a crystal ball so I can't tell you if she's already cheated on you. However, it is a classic cheater move to claim that they are going to hang out with multiple people and then, right before the hang out, say someone cancelled and now they will be alone with the other person. It makes them look innocent and that they are being transparent about their plans.
However, it is telling that she seems eager to hang out with him and these are solo hang outs. Why aren't you being invited to hang out with them? Why don't you ask her to invite “Jim” over so you could all hang out and get to know each other?
Asking you to tell her “NOW” via text whether it is okay to go to his place and she doesn't want to discuss it at home is another red flag. The weekend is multiple days away and planning for it shouldn't require a decision via text on a Tuesday. When put in a situation like that you should default to “no” and say that you don't feel comfortable with it. If she is vehement in her objection that is another red flag. Why is hanging out with this guy so important to her?
To me, following the stripper leaves that line of “communication” open. Going to a strip club is one thing (not okay if it was an agreed no-no) but keeping her account as a little reminder when he comes home to OP, that would hurt me more. Phones are like this 24/7 access, OP now doesn't just have to worry what he did when he was out but what he is doing when they are at home together. He lied, he disrespected boundaries and that didn't stop when he left the place, he brought it into the relationship when he followed the girl.
I've heard about studies saying that a marriage is pretty sure to be over when people start rolling eyes at each other (sign of disgust, contempt)
Your situation sounds a few levels beyond that