Adding that username and it gives me the vibe that she is waaayyyy too dense to know better and too confident in her judgement to open her damn eyes to good advices.
She was already making some questionable distinctions about what sex is which should have been a ? to you about her attitudes to sex. This is so on a different scale of not ok though.
It doesn’t just reveal a huge cognitive dissonance about her ideas of her ability and right to feel sexual pleasure, it shows a lack of respect for you and your safety during sex. When it comes right down to it, she was incredibly selfish. She wanted the pleasure while absolving herself of her self-imposed guilt, and she took that out on you in the worst way possible.
I’d be reassessing this relationship if I was you. A wedding and a ring and a piece of paper are not going to magically resolve her unfortunate and even dangerous attitudes to sex.
It’s certainly feasible for a person “not knowing what they want to do” to feel like a driven/high achieving partner’s encouragement to “follow her dreams and do what she wants” is perhaps more a judgment, or an expectation. Like maybe you’re expecting her to have the same priorities/framework that you do, but she doesn’t, and so any ‘support’ you offer her comes across as pressure, or a shortcoming?
Idk if that makes sense, but as a wife of a man who absolutely embodies grit and work ethic, it often felt as though his very ability to take risks and jump at opportunities was rooted in a confidence and security that I, having grown up financially insecure and without stable emotional support from family, simply didn’t have (parents both died young, only child. But the resulting risk aversion could be expected in any number of other situations in which a young person grows up aware of a lack of financial safety net, in turn relying far more on social capital and interpersonal connection/experiences?)
And I have worked incredibly hot myself, too… and KNOW that my work ethic is top notch, but… it frequently felt like things that were a genuine achievement or a big win, in relation to the scarcity I grew up with and balanced with the (my) reality of having had to overcome such disproportionate fears/hyper awareness of how tenuous it all is, were small fries not-worth-even-an-acknowledgment to him. Bc they simply didn’t rate for him. Bc our foundations were so incredibly different.
Perhaps she needs to shore up her sense of basic security, so that she feels safe taking risks.
Perhaps she needs to know that wherever your focus lies, whatever heights you achieve as an individual, she is still a priority to you, and not a trophy or an appendage or an afterthought. How do you show her that you truly, deeply value her? (And not with gifts and such, but with words & actions & no-expectations listening/support!)
Perhaps she simply needs to be acknowledged for having stuck by you for so long when what she wanted was something different.
Perhaps she needs a genuine apology/recognition of the ways your choices sidelined/disregarded her? She needs a voice, and it doesn’t sound like all the money in the world can buy that for her.
I’m glad for you, OP, that your endeavors bore such healthy fruit (that’s saying a lot in this day and age) and even more so glad that you are here asking questions and clearly open to outside input with evident intent of unearthing what your wife might need! I hope you two can communicate and redevelop the love that initially brought you together within the context of this new, polarized (but also very fortunate) reality.
Maybe you can start by trying to date again? Put that same level of interest/curiosity in to your partnership as you both did initially, or as much as you put in to your business ventures?
You seem to have wanted this family info for yourself, snd somehow decided it would be a gift to your mom. I think tha was a big misstep. If you wanted to know about distant family members, you should have kept that to yourself. Now you've given her this “gift” that's brought trauma in its wake. Apologize for involve ng her in something she didn't want. If you want to pursue these relationships, do so without involving her.
Oh, it was an accident alright. It wasn’t meant for your sister. It was meant for some random woman.. I’m assuming who’s name starts with the same letter as your sister.
Are you the father? Might want to check.
Why do you keep claiming you do most of the chores? That’s impossible considering you’re working most the day.
Adding that username and it gives me the vibe that she is waaayyyy too dense to know better and too confident in her judgement to open her damn eyes to good advices.
She was already making some questionable distinctions about what sex is which should have been a ? to you about her attitudes to sex. This is so on a different scale of not ok though.
It doesn’t just reveal a huge cognitive dissonance about her ideas of her ability and right to feel sexual pleasure, it shows a lack of respect for you and your safety during sex. When it comes right down to it, she was incredibly selfish. She wanted the pleasure while absolving herself of her self-imposed guilt, and she took that out on you in the worst way possible.
I’d be reassessing this relationship if I was you. A wedding and a ring and a piece of paper are not going to magically resolve her unfortunate and even dangerous attitudes to sex.
Is she enough right now? Exactly as she is?
It’s certainly feasible for a person “not knowing what they want to do” to feel like a driven/high achieving partner’s encouragement to “follow her dreams and do what she wants” is perhaps more a judgment, or an expectation. Like maybe you’re expecting her to have the same priorities/framework that you do, but she doesn’t, and so any ‘support’ you offer her comes across as pressure, or a shortcoming?
Idk if that makes sense, but as a wife of a man who absolutely embodies grit and work ethic, it often felt as though his very ability to take risks and jump at opportunities was rooted in a confidence and security that I, having grown up financially insecure and without stable emotional support from family, simply didn’t have (parents both died young, only child. But the resulting risk aversion could be expected in any number of other situations in which a young person grows up aware of a lack of financial safety net, in turn relying far more on social capital and interpersonal connection/experiences?)
And I have worked incredibly hot myself, too… and KNOW that my work ethic is top notch, but… it frequently felt like things that were a genuine achievement or a big win, in relation to the scarcity I grew up with and balanced with the (my) reality of having had to overcome such disproportionate fears/hyper awareness of how tenuous it all is, were small fries not-worth-even-an-acknowledgment to him. Bc they simply didn’t rate for him. Bc our foundations were so incredibly different.
Perhaps she needs to shore up her sense of basic security, so that she feels safe taking risks.
Perhaps she needs to know that wherever your focus lies, whatever heights you achieve as an individual, she is still a priority to you, and not a trophy or an appendage or an afterthought. How do you show her that you truly, deeply value her? (And not with gifts and such, but with words & actions & no-expectations listening/support!)
Perhaps she simply needs to be acknowledged for having stuck by you for so long when what she wanted was something different.
Perhaps she needs a genuine apology/recognition of the ways your choices sidelined/disregarded her? She needs a voice, and it doesn’t sound like all the money in the world can buy that for her.
I’m glad for you, OP, that your endeavors bore such healthy fruit (that’s saying a lot in this day and age) and even more so glad that you are here asking questions and clearly open to outside input with evident intent of unearthing what your wife might need! I hope you two can communicate and redevelop the love that initially brought you together within the context of this new, polarized (but also very fortunate) reality.
Maybe you can start by trying to date again? Put that same level of interest/curiosity in to your partnership as you both did initially, or as much as you put in to your business ventures?
You seem to have wanted this family info for yourself, snd somehow decided it would be a gift to your mom. I think tha was a big misstep. If you wanted to know about distant family members, you should have kept that to yourself. Now you've given her this “gift” that's brought trauma in its wake. Apologize for involve ng her in something she didn't want. If you want to pursue these relationships, do so without involving her.
He’s not doing anything wrong other than keeping those nudes
Oh, it was an accident alright. It wasn’t meant for your sister. It was meant for some random woman.. I’m assuming who’s name starts with the same letter as your sister.
What could you possibly b talking about