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Date: October 30, 2022
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I think that's a valid reason to break up
Why do you want to get back with a cheater do you really think that low of yourself
Yes, i am working on that, because in the past i acted based on my feas and even if nothing happened, i managed to push my SO away becaude of thay. Now i can managr those feelings but i want to get rid of them
I think you're right. I don't think a man who is truly in love with his wife could be so callous with her feelings, so many times, for so long…
I need to attene a whole week theoretical course to take driving test i am from turkey and it gonna be expensive in 2023 so thats why my parents rushing things. And yes she said she'll break up with me
How am I struggling? Alright well I can see where you’re coming from wanting a strong female, but they way to fix is communicate if you’ve been in a relationship for three years and give a rats ass. If you don’t, just leave don’t make it worse and stoop to their level. I get wanting to be with a strong independent female but what if it’s sexual abuse or assault or rape that’s happened and something triggered their PTSD the way you touched them or they have a high stress situation and it’s not anything to do with you, but I’ll admit I have Asperger’s and ADHD and I am bad at communicating especially with when strong emotions take over so what if something like that triggered and they had a wrong but trauma response in a fight to you saying that and you didn’t at least ask what the hell is going on after to find out context? Sure if it’s for petty reasons leave, but you’re telling me you have no empathy to someone if you’ve been with them for 3 years and wouldn’t take the chance to at least ask what the hell? I get leaving if you want, but you really wouldn’t try to communicate asking for the context of why they said it and just be immature and petty and either not be empathetic to someone’s situation you’ve been with that long or not match the petty level and get the hell out?
OP I'm late to the party but I know so many stories of couples where one person came out as gay and they remain close friends. Look up Glennon Doyle and her husband. The love you shared and the bond you shared was real– it is completely possible for it to evolve into a different form. But do take the time you need to process the end of the romantic relationship. Wish you the best.
Nobody here is triggered. We just have a baseline level of maturity to understand that platonic friendships exist and are fine as long as you trust your partner.
Ew.
You're 23. He's 17. Just ew.
Well this is the problem with cloak and dagger shit in a relationship. Neither of you are communicating honestly. Problem being is that you reached the question by ulterior means rather than building up to it in conversation, so its not surprising that it resulted in a panicked response of “no, of course not, who would do something like that not me.”
Another problem with snooping is that the specific details are fresh on your mind because you just studied for the exam, but the other person is talking from the end result of previous thinking, changed with time. You can't admit you know it doesn't match up, because that would require admitting to the snooping, so in these situations we test them for responses that line up with what we already know, but can never be satisfied by the result.
Doesn’t necessarily have to be her personal normal TikTok, it’s just that Gen Z and the Tik Tok generation really know how to drag a mf. Also the more evidence out there the more it protects her when this world is utterly fucked and not known for taking sides of abuse victims when they defend themselves. Like that’s why I can’t recommend her keeping a knife or anything.
This much you DO KNOW. Sex is going to be a problem in the future. Can YOU handle such a relationship??
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No I don’t believe so! I think that, unfortunately, a lot of people’s parents act this way. :/
Oh gosh Op, I'm fucking sorry it's like this for y'all. I want to tell you: you're such a brave, amazing and loving daughter. With what you wrote, you are able to love your mother amongst the disease and that took me personally a lot longer to separate. My mother is an alcoholic. For about 12 years, I was there too. She binge drank every day off and caused so much chaos in my life, her own and my siblings. It was a fucking nightmare. My mom is now sober for the past 9 years and dude, she chose sobriety because of NOTHING we said/did. We all began pulling away from her and our enabling ways became less and less. No bail, no new cars, no help with bills. Your family is so intertwined with her ATM, and it's understandable. It's a family disease and you believe somehow your words will be the magic spell that wakes her up. They won't. All you can do here is stick to your boundaries, encourage your siblings that living for themselves is okay, support them and suggest she get help or go to a meeting. She is an alcoholic. Tell her. Tell everyone. She knows she is and the shame she's carrying will send her to the grave in a wine glass. I get hurt for you reading how your dad “didn't protect her”. He didn't protect his own children! He has stayed with an abusive alcoholic wife! Why?!? If you need to talk, I'm here. Please know you're not alone. You can't control it, you didn't cause it and you can't cure it. You are welcome anytime on /r/Al-Anon prayers for you and your family. I do believe miracles happen, my life and my family remind me but it was definitely a living Hell for a very long time.
I have a formerly alcoholic mother who finally quit cold-turkey 12 years ago after she drunkenly fell in a parking lot and required a shoulder replacement as a result. Before that, my siblings and I would leave as soon as she showed the slightest sign of intoxication. That meant holiday gatherings would often end prematurely. But that approach (plus additional ultimatums) didn’t get mom to change. She had to want it, and apparently needed a devastating and very painful fall to be convinced. I think you have no choice but to go LC until your mom stops for good.
So similar story to you except just the dumping part. When my partner gets upset she dumps on me completely without asking. We've had some issues with communication and I realized something just today I've known her for five years but I don't really know her as a person. Every conversation we have is really surface level except when her trauma (which is very substantial) rears it head again.
I sorta realized like you have that my partner needs something I can't provide in my case my partner needs somebody that's okay with just existing as a listener. Your partner she probably needs and wants someone that thinks the way she does and is okay with a saviour attitude. For lack of a better term.
It's a matter of what your willing to give in both cases (least from my perspective). So I guess the question is where's your limit?
Cause mine was realizing I've let a person that won't open up to me outside of trauma use me as a dumping ground. While not actually being a true partner to me.
You lied to him. You didn't want his feelings hurt but you lied. Then you told him you want to use a toy because he doesn't make you finish.
I can totally understand why he's pissed off and I think a lot of men can agree. If my girlfriend had fake Orgasms and then told me one day “You've never made me cum so I need to use a toy” I would feel horrible.
If you told him that it's very nude to finish during sex and using a toy would help then it would be a different story, but you lied to him and probably faked orgasms as well which is very hurtful.
You should really try apologizing in hopes that your relationship can come back from this.
Aww, you sound thoughtful, sweet, and… very anxious. It's nude to know how much of this is your anxiety versus a deep incompatibility or one begetting the other. Only you can answer that. Try observing your feelings and approaching them with curiosity. Be like a scientist and see how certain situations make you feel and try to name how you feel. There's probably something a little deeper that this is about. Maybe you've never settled into this relationship and you've always felt like you're chasing her?
No good deed goes unpunished… so much for watching the kids and letting her get some free time. Now you're stuck with a tough decision. Everyone has echoed the same thing, the choice is truly yours at this point…
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You should do whatever you want, and he’s not an asshole for not liking a lot of piercings. People are allowed to have personal preference and he told you from the start about his – and sorry hun, but if he’s not into a bunch of piercings, what do you want him to do, not look at you?
I have piercings and if a guy wasn’t into it, I just wouldn’t bother with him because I get it. I find bald or shaved heads super unattractive, and when my ex knew that and shaved his head anyways I was pretty disappointed and it killed my desire to fuck him.
So. Yeah. Go get whatever you want pierced, but don’t judge your STBX for not liking it.
Are you trolling??? If someone doesn't have a license OR car registration, how are they on a car insurance policy? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are an unaware enabler. The responsible thing to do is to notify the insurance company of these issues and either have her removed from your policy or get a new one as soon as possible. Beyond that, stop enabling her by giving her support. Finally, ask yourself, would you be turning her into the cops (alerting them whatever) if you were still together? But now that she has moved on your suddenly concerned about public safety?
What are you hoping to accomplish? What you just described sounds like stalking
Look, this isn't just your fault. You gf knew you weren't into it and not participating but continued one on one with this guy. Sometimes you don't realize you're not into something until you start trying it out. Don't feel guilty about changing your mind partway. Most partners would've completely stopped since it was no longer a threesome since you couldn't join in.
I'm not sure why your families are upset or voicing their opinions because it's a private matter and they clearly don't have the whole story.
Give yourself time to process what happened. Sure it hurts if this is how your relationship ends but at least learn from this experience for the next one. Personally, I wouldn't be able to get over my partner choosing to have sex with someone else front in right of me when it was supposed to be a shared experience.
He’s asking to have kids in the next year. Sorry I didn’t explain myself very well ?
Yeah at some point he has to grow up. Don't consider yourself a real adult at 18 and 19. You barely have experienced anything.
You're putting a guy with teen experience and want him to be a fully grown married man. He's barely the age where people are still studying at university.
The real issue is you guys acting like adults with adult responsibilities at such a young age.
I'm also on the executive team and the difference between our roles is very small so I didn't think it too out of left field for a casual drink after work. I've gone out with managers/colleagues before I just have some feelings this time hence why I'm a bit uncomfortable/unsure.
You should leave your husband for sure. He didn't choose this for you or himself, and you're still holding it against him enough to leave him? Yeah. Go ahead and leave him so he can find someone who ACTUALLY appreciates him. He deserves a woman that will be happy he's having such exponential professional growth instead of someone willing to throw in the towel over something he had/ has no control over.
i don’t know that i feel like i don’t deserve better because i know this is mean and hurtful. again maybe it’s intentional im honestly not sure. rn i just feel like what did i do to make him start saying this/start being so mean and hurtful to me? he’s only recently started saying this and i just get my feelings invalidated every single time i try and bring them up which makes me not want to bring them up but then i think screw that you hurt my feelings and i’m going to let you know that
You'd be better off focusing on your exams right now. This bf bullshit can wait
No lol I’m very normal 99% of the time but I’m so done with his nonchalant attitude when we argue as if it’s meaningless
Get a name and find her facebook
Leave that man alone. You’re terribly immature and childish. That man deserves someone better. As for you OP my biggest piece of advice is GROW THE HELL UP.
I hope you blocked her and band her for life.
Tell your friends she tried to cause issues and they need to block her too for there safety.
Why would you not only marry a guy but let him knock you up when he looks up to a person like that and he allows his father to treat you that way?
Your post is too filled with incredibly bad life decisions to be true. One after the other after the other. A cavalcade of bad decisions. It must be a troll post because no one is this dumb.
Sending anyone screenshots of your conversation would've been the end of it for me. In all honesty, spending three years with someone and them using their first vacation time to hang with ANYone else would've been a big ol' come to jesus moment, but the screenshots on top of that? Nails in the coffin.
Match the same energy
He already slapped her, with enough restraint to make it hurt but not leave a bruise. And the insidious thing is, this is just after three months. They usually wait a bit longer to bring on the physical attacks, this guy is fucking scary. She should throw all his shit the bought her into a box and send it back. The longer she stays the worse it is going to get to leave.
Plenty of people freeze when they’re sexually assaulted.
Good luck mate. I do think her phone would be the safer option, fwiw, but only if you get the chance. Otherwise, just get away from her, and report it somewhere safe.
Well damn!
That’s exactly what I told him!
OP is definitely fully of the belief that her entire life stopped and is now about the baby. That's something she is absolutely going to have to get rid of to survive motherhood.
You said you expected him to do the same but did you actually discuss being exclusive?
Also, if someone is talking marriage after 3 dates, there’s something wrong with them. Either they’re love bombing or have really poor judgement.
I am finding this. Just coming up to three years with my partner and I genuinely thought there was nothing else to know at the two year point – now I am being proven wrong (e.g. either in a positive way, or being presented with new circumstances that we haven't faced before).
It still seems like its on a good track for us, but it has really shown that if you've only dated for one/two years you just realistically won't necessarily be confronted with the big issues that can test relationships such as family issues, relocation/career crossroads, living together longterm, future plans, health problems, personal growth, periods of boredom/stagnation etc.
I only wonder how long you've been married to someone this immature?
He's more immature than he is insecure and he's very insecure.
I'm man enough to admit I'd be insanely impressed if my SO fixed up the deck, painted and patched the house. I'd be telling everyone about it and how proud of her I am. Being good at shit doesn't you a lesbian or want someone more feminine. His illogical conclusions tell me he's either uneducated, immature or insecure.
What do I do?
You go about your life, if he wants to help you get the house ready, great. If not, do it yourself or get help and sell the house. You decide what to do with the relationship after that.
I would love to have kids with her, but it's not a must for me. It took me by surprise because we were discussing names, planning what type of house to buy room wise. I am happy with her regardless
No. These two are pure drama. Stay out of it.
The fact that she spits out a massive deal-breaker this late into the relationship, shows that she's the one not considering him a real person and expecting him to be a drone whose role should never be considered.
Please get some premarital counseling
I’m 23 and probably have a better career, home-life and stability than a lot of 35 year olds. I could easily date at 35 year old. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean there’s a power imbalance grow up.
I don't believe compatibility comes strictly down to pets or no pets.
*You
Real men love all boobs. He needs to get his act together. They're perfect how they are, congrats on having great tots.
Came here to say this. You have to go into the settings for keep it from doing this. Very annoying. Ik a lot of work ppl use WhatsApp so it is technically possible he’s legit telling the truth. Best of luck.
Who does this?
You think its mind boggling that people want different things?
That’s seriously some strange & awful behavior from the organizer.
I’m surprised that no one has called her out on this, maybe they all thought that it was supposed to be a surprise party for both of you like one of your mutual friends thought until your girlfriend explained it to her.