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Date: October 29, 2022
r/deadbedrooms
Aw man, if you think everyone is really out to get you then start with therapy to help regain some perspective.
I chose my words carefully and don't feel that thing I said was needlessly cruel or negative, but if you're feeling pummeled by all these comments, I apologize for contributing to that. I'm not mad, I do have a big heart for what y'all are going through.
If in-person therapy sounds insurmountable at this juncture, I'd be happy to recommend some material you can both read that may help her challenge some of those unhealthy thought patterns and negative self-talk that contribute to depression.
One spark that really helped during my deepest episodes of depression was an app called Fabulous. It seemed trite at first, but helped me build routines in the morning that set up a better foundation for the day, enabling me to enact small changes that led to good habits I wasn't maintaining before.
I don't believe people like your girlfriend are inherently bad individuals, and I firmly agree that with intense effort, most people can change. But you are both exacerbating the problem by denying the severity of the issue.
The fact remains: Your adult girlfriend cannot take care of herself in nearly every way. No one is guaranteed on this earth, and one day she may not have you. You cannot protect her forever.
I would advise you to terminate and cut any and all ties with him and his ex-wife. Seriously OP, that woman sounds like she'll try to stab you if you get close enough, cut your losses and run away.
What's harder? A really painful and difficult conversation now… Or being gradually more unfulfilled the rest of your life?
I've been there, OP. Trust me. It's so hard, but it beats the alternative. I've gotten away from manipulative people, and life was harder at first, but then it got much, much better than before.
BTW, I notice people are downvoting you a lot, and that sucks. I wanted to offer some insight. First of all, these people don't know you, so it's not personal. But they spend a lot of time on these relationship forums, so they've seen people make the same mistakes before. They're frustrated when they see someone making them, but it only seems obvious to them, not to you.
Also, their frustration is aimed more at your manipulative partner. You may be inexperienced, but it wouldn't matter as much if you weren't with someone who is clearly trying to take advantage of that. You are the victim in this situation- you're just trying to live your best life while being loved. You're not trying to take anything away from anyone. He is.
Being a stronger person takes a lot of time and work. I'm still working on it myself. For example, a friend I trusted recently did something awful to me. It blindsided me, and I'm scared and confused about how to address it. But I can still tell I'm handling it better, with more strength and maturity, than I would have a few years ago.
Keep your faith in yourself. Listen to your instincts, and if someone tries to convince you to do something that feels wrong, try to be strong and fight for yourself. Good luck.
break up with him while laughing
I'm trying to have everything moved to my parents on Friday. He's been sleeping away from me, eating away from me, and said I wasn't supporting him like his boss when his boss recommended him for the vacancy and gave him the award
Three days of silence isn’t ghosting. Accept her apology and move on. If it happens again, tell her it hurts your trust. 3rd time? Exit.