Because those of us who have this behavior (and I 100% recognize this in myself) have been conditioned, by parents or past partners, that our opinion or desire isn't important enough UNLESS the other person doesn't really care. It's a trauma response, and a people pleaser response. We have to gauge whether the other person has a stronger preference than ours, because we don't believe we're important enough for our preference to take priority over the other person's.
Interesting that his first tactic was to say “no one else has ever said that” about a thing that happened, that he did, that he obviously witnessed as the perpetrator. Why does it matter what people said? He knows what he did because he did it.
Of course it’s not surprising that his next move was simply to gaslight you.
Bar crowds aren’t animals. Some guys may have jumped him, but others would have stepped in to stop the fight, that us what I saw when I went clubbing. I doubt with 40 people around that he would have gotten seriously hurt, unless he had hit his head on pavement after one punch.
But the rest, you are dead right. She put him in a very bad spot because she wanted to go off and have sex with a total stranger. Also, some people have pointed out, what has she been doing when OP was not out with her, OP said that she could not handle alcohol, so she likely has gotten drunk while clubbing before, did she conveniently spend the night at a “friend”? Also, she is 30 years old, getting stupid drunk is what 21 year olds do, if alcoholics, so she is either a 30 year old who makes bad decisions, or she is an alcoholic, in either case OP is better off bailing.
Because those of us who have this behavior (and I 100% recognize this in myself) have been conditioned, by parents or past partners, that our opinion or desire isn't important enough UNLESS the other person doesn't really care. It's a trauma response, and a people pleaser response. We have to gauge whether the other person has a stronger preference than ours, because we don't believe we're important enough for our preference to take priority over the other person's.
Interesting that his first tactic was to say “no one else has ever said that” about a thing that happened, that he did, that he obviously witnessed as the perpetrator. Why does it matter what people said? He knows what he did because he did it.
Of course it’s not surprising that his next move was simply to gaslight you.
Bar crowds aren’t animals. Some guys may have jumped him, but others would have stepped in to stop the fight, that us what I saw when I went clubbing. I doubt with 40 people around that he would have gotten seriously hurt, unless he had hit his head on pavement after one punch.
But the rest, you are dead right. She put him in a very bad spot because she wanted to go off and have sex with a total stranger. Also, some people have pointed out, what has she been doing when OP was not out with her, OP said that she could not handle alcohol, so she likely has gotten drunk while clubbing before, did she conveniently spend the night at a “friend”? Also, she is 30 years old, getting stupid drunk is what 21 year olds do, if alcoholics, so she is either a 30 year old who makes bad decisions, or she is an alcoholic, in either case OP is better off bailing.
You want to have kids with someone who doesn’t respect you?