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Birth Date: 2004-07-12
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Date: October 28, 2022
Read the signs.
He likes everyone but you
I'm in the tell her boat.
If you have any evidence, convo history, proof you were there, same place, screen shots of proof he has you blocked (if he didn't know you, why would he have you blocked, yk?). Dump it all at once. Don't be short, extend your hand if she wants to talk more but ultimately she may not believe you. Keep him blocked yourself, he may come after you.
By telling her, you've done everything you could to make it right. You've wiped your hands clean and can move on. Lesson learned, don't assume anything about anyone ?♀️
She literally asked you to shield her from the consequences of her actions. Don't let her get away with it. Two golden rules in life: if a company tells you you don't need a union, you absolutely do, and if a person tells you you shouldn't tell anyone about something they did, you absolutely should.
she's not stupid and naive. Put your foot down.
I meant to say 12 year old. So there is Jake who is now an adult but as a child was diagnosed with serious cancer and it wasn't looking like he would online. Jake was the miracle boy they had hoped for after the parents had 2 girls before him. The parents said when he was born they didn't want more kids now that they had their son. Fast forward to Jake getting cancer and when Jake is practically on his death bed, the mother starts fertility treatment and they get pregnant with Ryan. OP initially thought Ryan had been conceived as Jakes replacement for once Jake would die; it seems Jake also thinks this because he really hates Ryan and is cruel to him while the parents kind of allow it to happen. Now OP is questioning whether Ryan was actually conceived to be a donor baby to save Jake where they would use his stem cells from his umbilical cord for a stem cell transplant that might have saved Jake. OP wants to find a way to confirm this and find out the truth because the parents are saying nothing.
So he is with you I still love my ex wife and haven't been with her for 28 years doesn't mean I don't love her she was my best friend your with him now he loves you to so what's the deal ate you just acting childish for a reason how many serious relationships have you been in just this one I still think about the love for a girl I dated in high school but she's married with children and I'm happy that she is don't mean I'm going to run to California and ruin her marriage
You're not doing her any favors by being with her if this is how you feel.
Just end it man, you said in a comment she is openly flirting with other men, you already think she is gonna cheat, she neglects you when she is finished work, and she doesnt offer any solutions on how to make a proper work-life balance. You want a partner who is capable of working and having a relationship and someone who isnt gonna flirt with coworkers, she has shown you that she isnt that person, so leave and find someone better for you.
First make sure to get a copy of everything you saw so she can't delete and deny when you confront her if you decide to do it.
Chances are the issues you are talking about started just after that guy entered the picture. He gave her attention, she got hooked, became delusional and selfish, and lost sight of how she was destroying your marriage and family. She's been focusing her emotional and sexual energy on this guy and to justify it, she had to transfer all her guilt into resentment and put all the blame on you.
It's at the very least an emotional affair with a strong sexual component, you don't mention her being physical with the guy. If she didn't go into physical affair territory yet, it's only a matter of time and opportunity. She's just losing her mind over this, like an addict.
You need to show her that you respect yourself, and prepare your exit plan with divorce papers.
If she's delusional, she needs to feel the shock of reality crashing on her after what she did. There is a chance it might wake her up, especially if all she did with the guy was send text / pictures / videos. The more you give her a glimpse of the consequences she will be facing, the stronger the shock and the better the chances of her waking up from her fantasy.
In any case, if she isn't remorseful and ready to work hard to recover what she destroyed and save the family from the consequences of her betrayal, then you need to protect yourself and the kids.
It's possible to make it but it's your choice, you decide what you need and don't compromise. Otherwise, it's better to divorce, focus on your healing and coparent the kids.
I'm sorry if my words made you feel like you have to defend your comprehension and grammar but I assure you none of my words are difficult to understand.
The question how long have you been together is to make you are aware of the length of time for people with symptoms of SAD to have their diagnosis. As behaviours may have similarities but situations vary.
Also Because to accommodate you saying you don't want to hear the age difference and probably a direct way of saying he might just be tired of your abandonment issues or immaturity.
Your title has is only seeking, sorry let me make it more simple Your title is asking how to help your bf with SAD when clearly you both needs help.
Oh I like the cute part of your comment. So thank you, I mean people I understand that a dictionary feels intimidating to you
I’m being facetious about the end of the world, but I do disagree with the term “boundary” being applied this way. In my opinion, “boundaries” are limits to what a person will accept being done to them directly. What we are discussing here I would call a “rule” – something that binds both parties in the relationship. This gives a more precise description of what is happening. In my opinion setting a unilateral rule that weed is not allowed in the relationship is unreasonable and controlling. I understand that people disagree with this, but all advice is inherently subjective right?
What would one of my unilateral rules in a relationship be? How about “no torturing animals”
Her saying she is interested.
It’s a lovely statement, a decleration of loyality and other competencies♥️. My partner does the same, I am aware of past relationship and how this one is much better for him, and that is the way he expresses it – seems like yours does that too♥️ You (and most women) would most likely feel rather dissapointed, if his answer was “she’s beautiful”. You’d be flattered, but think “that’s how you see me, that’s all?”
Please keep us updated
“caught up” with you?
In my experience thats usually a euphemism a client uses to rationalize
non-compliance with Meds and protocols.
i mean idk her but i would only behave that way if i had feelings for him. maybe she wants him as backup
I can guarantee you that my children have never wanted to give me underware as a gift. Personally. I would hand them over to her parents and ask them to have a conversation with her over appropriate boundaries. It very easy not to allow these things into your home. There's no reason you can't tell your children that you like to buy your own underware
Yours is a very self centred viewpoint. Having your husband as the be all and end all of your life might be fine for you, but it's an incredible pressure on him. Think on that and maybe join a class, get a part time job, do some volunteering – you sound like a good person with a lot to offer.
I know it was toxic between the both of us and I really tried my best to work on myself but it was hard with someone that made it naked to feel secure. I'm trying to do better for my future but it's naked when I just sulk in bed scrolling until I have to go to work since I'm waiting for my last semester of school.i just don't know what else to do for myself to get/feel better in a healthy way. Thank you for your response I honestly appreciate it
My advice to you is to abort mission. Take that as you will but really ask yourself if you want to be tied to this guy for the foreseeable future, much less a whole lifetime.
Don't want to be here the day your teen realizes that the uncles over the years were actually your wife's boyfriends.
My first take would be to not mix child and lifestyle but I understand it gets more complicated if we are not talking swinging but more like polyamory.
But then it has to be addressed between you, your wife and her boyfriends as to what are the boundaries.
The first time they hung out, they were hanging out in the studio, and my girlfriend was just playing the piano after she smoked, and he asked if they were going to do anything else, and she said no, and left.
I think she thought she would be okay since it was a public place this time, but still…Why she left with them. Beyond me
Have you ever watch the Curb episode where Larry rolls down his window, and now has to talk to the valet at the golf course. Then he gets stuck in a civil war reenactment. That's what I feel like.
I lost a relationship to my mental health, although I have to say I'm happier out than in. I don't think I'm cut out for long term serious relationships.
Listen, even without the problems you have, a 25 year old in a seven year relationship is likely to end things. You're not way far off anyone's track. You need lots of help. But hey, who doesn't? Take your time figuring out how to deal with your brain. Love comes at you all the time in different ways. You'll figure it out.
I always find these posts so sad. Mainly from the one betrayed, but in general as well. The grass is never greener. If you truly love someone NOTHING can take today away, certainly not a shiny new toy.
He’s doing this to control you and make you feel self conscious. Suggest he put a dab of vapor rub under his nostrils and get over it or online alone.
When you guys started dating you JUST turned 18 and he was 23
You had the perfect response and I'd leave it at that. Clearly she isn't best friend material for that kind of hypocrisy.
OP is so stupid. I’m sorry but what now…
Most girls do it out of a sense of obligation, but don’t really enjoy it per se.
A prenup should be a non negotiable. It's not about getting married expecting it to fail, it's a safety net for both parties!
A month is nothing, my grandmother was with her husband for 5 years then the monster came out. If he can be violent then it will come out, its just a waiting game.
Yes
It’s not quite as black and white as maybe you think it is. To address the bold question first, in general, I’d say no. To be honest, it’s never selfish to prioritize your own happiness. The problem here is that he’s going about it in the wrong way.
I think we can all logically understand his frustration. If there’s any solace (which he’ll certainly refuse to believe), he’s 22 years old. There’s plenty of life left to online, so I wouldn’t exactly suggest he’s a “failure” at this point in his life. But again, I get from his POV being around all of your friends in relationships making you feel that way. Separately, why do you think he hasn’t had success? That’s important.
Regardless, even if you all have girlfriends, do you never just hang out just the guys anymore? If that happens, certainly he should be able to enjoy hanging out like before. As for B, if he was legitimately a dick, then A is right to be angry so hopefully that gets mended.
Finally, to address the end, circling back to what I asked earlier, why do you think he’s having a lack of success to this point? Validating his emotions out of context is well and good, but if there are tangible actions he could take to try to improve his situation but isn’t taking them, then validating his emotions is hurting him more than anything else. You’ll have to let us know.
your boyfriend sounds borderline misogynist
You don’t have the responsibility to sort this persons issues out, you are not friends they owe you money and you have a reason to be moving on Yes it’s hard luck for her but that’s how it goes sometimes she should be happy she’s had a year of no rent
You’re miserable because of your attitude. Consider seeking professional help because you sound mentally unwell.
He might be recording you to get custody of the kids. Be very careful. Also he's abusive and you shouldn't want your children to grow up in an abusive home.
He started school two week ago now, just moved early to get settled in. He visited for the holidays and everything.
Yeah I am extremely curious what birth control method they were using. It sounds like they weren't using any?
Sometimes I wish we did things together in person, but there is a fine line between coming across as friendly or date vibes, which I don't think she'd appreciate.
Kind of sounds like part of you would, though. Is that part of this, the hope on some level that if you deepen the dynamic maybe something will come of it? Like… do you 'like' like her?
Because it feels like you are forcing this. You don't have to talk to friends every day. You don't have to see them all the time. It doesn't have to be deep. I have friends that I have nothing in common with politically, religiously, even fashion wise but we catch up for coffee once a month and just chat about stupid shit and movies and etc. I have other friends I chat to every day online but I haven't seen them in person, despite the opportunity, in years. Let dynamics be what they will be.
It seems unlikely that it's a medical issue but it's never a bad idea to consult a medical professional. In my untrained opinion, you're right that it's probably a mental thing. Condoms are generally viewed as “unsexy” so that may be playing a role.
It could also be the pressure of sex with a partner and you may be getting in your head about it. It may not matter as much since your partner will have an alternate form of birth control soon but you could do some personal training like wear a condom when you want to masturbate so you get accustomed to the feeling, wear a condom and also use a male sleeve for extra realism. A female condom might also help with your sense of the sensation.
Oh no 🙁 I know women who’s boyfriends/husbands got into the red pill and they are now no longer together. It’s going down a rabbit hole..
Basically, these woman are stuck in the easy trap of wanting what they can’t have. This doesn’t mean they would act on it. It just means suddenly they find themselves attracted to you (which is a sign they are likely to be rather unstable in a relationship with a push/pull dynamic… but that’s an aside)……..
Did your say your wife was more mad at the handbag comments??
That feels like an odd response to me, but maybe she’s just happy to know she’s top of the food chain since you’ve shown loyalty in telling her and she knows she has nothing to worry about.
OMG did I ever tell you the story of how we got engaged? It's a riot! So he took me to the perfect spot, it was so beautiful. He had everything planned out, except for photography. But since it was a public place where people are always taking pictures, he figured it would be easy enough to find a volunteer, as one does. So anyway he suggests we get a picture, and I have a feeling he's got something up his sleeve, so I ask the nearest girl to take our picture. She agrees but turned out to be a total bitch! She acted like snapping a couple simple pics of our big moment was the world's biggest inconvenience. I mean who wouldn't be excited to witness a surprise proposal? She just glared at us the whole time and then handed my phone back without so much as a “congratulations.” Weird, right? We still laugh about it to this day! Who was that bitter woman?
Three times a week, an eight minute drive. With the price of gas, I’d be pissed at you just for that alone. Why doesn’t your coworker have her own transportation, though?
If you're in a relationship with him and its not effecting your relationship, it's fair to say it's not effecting his relationships and he doesn't have an addiction. All we know given what you've told us is that he is ashamed, and there is no reason to be ashamed about porn.
Uh, you keep this to yourself, take it to your grave…possibly tell it to your grandson as you lay dying and he asks if you have any final advice.
'Cause you goofed.
Now, here's the thing. That guy? He's not in the picture. You are. That dude is very unlikely to be the great love of her life, and by the time she flies home for Christmas he could have decided he wants to be in a throuple with a guy named Dominic and a horse named Kelly. You don't know, but as of this second you are her boyfriend and you do have a chance of being the love of her life.
If you haven't just cocked it up….
You should be cold towards your college. If she sees you are disinterested and curt with her she will interact with you less as well. Yes, you will hurt her feelings, but that's less important than feelings of your gf and your relationship in general.
Like I said, I don’t think you’re a good match. But we draw people into our lives spiritually to help us grow and we meet people where we are. And if you’re not where he is, don’t stay there. It doesn’t mean your points aren’t valid and maybe you were just venting. But it’s reason enough not to be with him if you diss like him and disapprove of so much good luck to you.
Honestly, she sounds needy and controlling.
I get that not everyone grows up close with their family or siblings in that way. Like me personally I'm the black sheep of my family so have generally been estranged with my blood relatives most of my life with them judging me, but I'm perfectly fine with no longer trying to put the effort into maintaining a guise of a relationship with them.
My partner, however, is an only child and his mum is his one living blood relative that he's close with, and he usually sees her in person every other weekend. Generally, he'll call her otw home after work on the bus and chat with her til he gets home and then they'll part ways, but there have been times where my partner has been home with me for a long period of time (like a week) without visiting her he'll say he wants to call his mum and check in on her because they only have each other (in the sense that she keeps to herself and doesn't have much of a social group- by choice- so he doesn't want her to feel lonely) and he'll have a loud ass convo over the phone for the next hour or so.
Me and my partner have loads of entertainment related interests in common like shows and music, and things like that. But even then we diverge on some things like genres, and there are things he's interested in that I just don't see in the same way, but they're not deal breakers for us. In that case, he talks about those things with his mum or other people and I'm fine with that, because im just happy that he has someone that he can talk about these things to that will actually be interested and engaged with what he has to say rather than dwelling on the fact that it's a little disappointing on my part that I can't make this stuff interesting to me and be able to have long discussions about it with him.
You guys should definitely explore couples therapy of some kind. My partner is completely fine with letting me “play with” his phone, and if I ask him who he's texting or who's texted (not out of jealousy, I'm just fucking nosey sometimes) he's very honest and up front about it but never would it cross my mind to just start snooping through his phone to see who he's been in contact with, because honestly I don't fucking care that much because I trust him in regards to faithfulness in our relationship.
I get feeling a bit irked if you were on the phone a lot of the time during the evening when you're both home from work and she hopes to relax with you, but your free time is your business and she doesn't have any rights to dictate what you do in that time, and although I personally do not relate to a close family structure, I don't think it's fair to judge families who are comfortable talking with each other as “weird” or “too close”.
People butthurt over the idea that you might be talking about your relationships or issues with your family need to grow up. Fact is, most adults have someone they confide in or “let slip” stuff here and there to in order to vent without necessarily having to bring it back home. Sometimes you're a little frustrated, but it's not a big enough issue to bring back home and cause an argument over, and that's what a best friend is for for a lot of people.
The idea that what happens in your relationship should be hidden from friends and families is one factor of why domestic abuse (not saying you're that) ends up not being obvious to friends and family until it gets so bad someone ends up in hospital, having to move far away, or dead. Or a breakdown in the marriage happens and people are all shocked Pikachu going “NO WAY. I HAD NO IDEA.”
Also, sometimes you need a second opinion on something, and that's fine too.
Absolutely, your partner/spouse should be someone you can confide in and discuss and work out your issues with without fear of being shut down or manipulated, but don't take to heart the vibe that since you're married she should be the only person you talk about your feelings to.
She’s 21. You’re making it about monogamy but more likely she’s just not blindly assuming the guy she’s dating now is definitely her husband lol.
Or maybe she is and just like it on her body. If somebody is whipping out that part of their body I don’t think it’s unclear what the intent is
How would you get home from work if you didn’t have a boyfriend?
Telling someone you are suicidal is a hell of a burden to place on someone. Most people are not equipped to deal with it.
Why is his Instagram posting disrespectful?
No it makes me uncomfortable but I already told him that it’s weird and he says well you can come along it’s not weird . So I don’t think they are cheating because he says I can come but it’s still weird for me . Why am I be asked to come along .
I understand where he’s coming from but he seems a bit demanding, especially after you’ve made so much effort to fix the situation. What does he want an apology from your friends? The only person he needed an apology from was you. He doesn’t have to like your friends nor does he have to interact with them. He needs to come to terms with that and also recognize the growth and change you have made to respect his boundaries. Don’t cut your friend off.
yeah literally I’m so excited hahahaha
yeah literally I’m so excited hahahaha
yeah literally I’m so excited hahahaha
Thank you very much ?truly!!
Babe please leave that man child. I promise there are better men around our age who don't act like petulant toddlers
Lots of people blow my mind. So what? My wife is the one I've committed to a relationship with.
Do you want children?
That’s the hurdle you have to get over here and unless you online in a very specific area, adoption is off the table
Do you want children? If yes then this is a problem
I think about this all the time. I met him and married pretty young, not really understanding who I am yet. I daresay he feels the same after the huge challenges we've faced over the last few years.
Thank you for your comment.
sounds like pressure erupting. may want talk with a therapist together to relieve the pressure.
Additional to that, they sound like the least matched couple possible. This chick might have another unbearable unempethetic pretentious asshole out there to be their soulmate, but it isn't op.
Don't do anything without extensive research on ethical non-monagamy, open relationships, and polyamory. She needs to be a part of this learning process, and you will both need to be extremely honest and vulnerable with each other every step of the way. If you do both decide to move forward, you need to be extremely certain that you're still meeting her needs for intimacy (not necessarily sex), and that you're okay with her also seeing other people, if she decides to do that.
I'm happily non-monogamous, however, I didn't, and would not, open an existing monogamous relationship. I don't have a “primary” partner.
I understand, you’re right. That’s what scares me, i think he actually doesn’t trust himself. He is afraid he might not be enough. Still not my problem tho, i know. But is it worth to wait and see if he can change? Will he ever?
we do have separate accounts and to be fair, when we discussed buying both items we did discuss the financials. and we also decided to wait on baby #2 for the exact reasons you stated. i do plan on discussing it with my therapist as well
you've been dating for a few months and already met her child? HUGE RED FLAG
I honestly don't think you'll be with this girl for long enough to need to make a decision about moving.
you both want different things, enjoy it while it lasts – but don't fret about moving.
you've been dating for a few months and already met her child? HUGE RED FLAG
I honestly don't think you'll be with this girl for long enough to need to make a decision about moving.
you both want different things, enjoy it while it lasts – but don't fret about moving.
Also had an ex like this. Only three months, but it gave me the gradual ick, to the point that my body physically was making it difficult to have sex and I had to buy lube lol. It ended shortly thereafter
You get divorced, you try and set her up on an apartment for 6 months and after that she's on her own. She had it together enough to get into a relationship with you. I'm sure once you've left, she pull it together enough to find someone else to take care of her.
Some girl you like kissed someone else. You aren't dating, she hasn't wronged you. She was having fun. I get that you like her mate, and it probably sucked to see that. Tell her how you feel, don't take it personally.
K.
Your initial perceptions comes from a highly judgemental expectation. You've come to expect that so you see it where it's not. Not wanting to be with women who sexualize themselves shouldn't be demonized yet you're on that band wagon. Why?
I don't understand what you want, do you want them to give you rights on the house and workplace that your wife bought with her father's money?
If you were an outsider, would the boss leave the company to you?
Is it wrong to protect the house your wife's family bought?
You do not have to work with them, you can try to start a new home or business by taking advantage of their financial advantages.
If you haven't improved yourself and your personality after 20 years, you deserve to be on the street.
I’m scared he’ll get really angry if I just block him out of the blue but I think that’s the only way I can escape his manipulation at this point. If I text him he’ll call me and try to convince me out of it. Last time he said that I was being selfish and that I didn’t care about his feelings. I was stupid enough to listen to him and stay. I’m also really scared to tell my parents but I think they need to know, especially because they already know something is wrong because I don’t leave my room these days. Thank you for the kindness.
Dude, this sounds like she's trying to manipulate and guilt trip you into moving in with her. Run.
OP, your parents should have no reason to feel unsafe coming to visit you unless your father assaults you again. If he doesn’t, then all will be well. You should remind them of that.
OP, your parents should have no reason to feel unsafe coming to visit you unless your father assaults you again. If he doesn’t, then all will be well. You should remind them of that.
This made me laugh because it depicted how we all feel as a collective reading this creepy shit.
She did it on purpose. She had zero intentions of removing it. She is still jealous of you and hating on you because you dare date a guy she likes. Even though you asked her multiple times if she was truly okay with you dating him or if it bothers her, she chose not to be honest with you. She could’ve taken you up on your offer to not get involved with him if she had feelings for him but she said no. OP she was never your friend and I’m sure she will not remove the clip from the online movie. Take swift legal action against her and be prepared lose friends.
The backwards logic of this is unreal how on earth is she waiting for the one she likes. But handing it out like Halloween candy to randoms she did not like! How can having sex on the first date have nothing to do with attraction but making a guy wait have everything to do with it. This whole waiting thing is the new body count! Cue women from all corners of Reddit calling men insecure because the have to wait! A woman can choose when she sleeps with someone but why tell them that you treated them differently to everyone else? It is a comparison which can only be unfavourable to the other person! The best way I have see it flipped is for the woman to get an engagement ring and then be told it cost £1k but the ones I got for my exs all cost over £10k. The ring is great u til it is tainted with perception that she is worth less than the others. If people kept the quiet part to themselves they would and could avoid self sabotaging their relationships!
They are also just awful parents to the kids as well.
> Some friends are labeling him as abusive but I also want to be sensitive to his differences and challenges.
Through is OP what you're describing does sound very abusive – the man threatens to break up with you if you don't do whatever he wants basically, and what he wants to do is make his demands and have you run yourself crazy trying to meet them. I'm concerned about what depths this relationship goes to when the consequences of his own behaviour meet him (e.g. he demands to move out by end of year but he's spend all the money)
Claiming that you're controlling, wrong, incorrect, yelling at you.
Honestly why is he entitled you have a person be sensitive to all his needs when that isn't even remotely returned?
She doesn’t want kids. She should know by 35. Biological clock is literally ticking by now. 40’s are higher risk and increased odds of developmental problems.
You want kids. That’s clear. You don’t want to have regrets at end of life.
This is exactly what I was gonna say
Post a few more times? Just forget him.
You can Google, if you like being ass-fucked, you know.
Not my job to educate you. Ask your momma.
yes. You’re over reacting. She’s allowed to let you know how she feels. Even if it hurts your feelings.
She didn’t insult you, she didn’t say anything derogatory. She just told you how she feels.
I think if you aren’t 100% sure it’s a yes then it’s a no. In the most beautiful way you are a baby adult. Let yourself learn and grow into adulthood, and do that by putting yourself first. You don’t sound like this is someone you want to keep spending your one life with and I know 13 months is a lifetime at 20 but it’s really just a tiny blip of your life if you are lucky enough to get older.
ETA: It’s bothering me—he “accidentally” didn’t stop doing something where it was an emergency to you that he stop? Did he rape you?
It's not like you have to get cancer once you have HPV. We aren't even sure if she has it, and even then, some types aren't as dangerous as others
OP, you're both so young. I would guess you haven't been exposed to the idea of working on your relationship together – you both have a lot to learn. You're just starting adult life, together!
So, look up John Gottman's books, and go to the library and browse the section on relationships and such. Get your boyfriend to go over some of this stuff with you. Gottman is good. I also like Stosny & Love, 'How to improve your marriage without talking about it.' One of my favorites.
See if he'll engage this way. Or work with a chaplain or such. Hey – it's worth a try. If he doesn't get interested, you'll learn more about where he is in terms of being ready to be a good partner.
OP, you're both so young. I would guess you haven't been exposed to the idea of working on your relationship together – you both have a lot to learn. You're just starting adult life, together!
So, look up John Gottman's books, and go to the library and browse the section on relationships and such. Get your boyfriend to go over some of this stuff with you. Gottman is good. I also like Stosny & Love, 'How to improve your marriage without talking about it.' One of my favorites.
See if he'll engage this way. Or work with a chaplain or such. Hey – it's worth a try. If he doesn't get interested, you'll learn more about where he is in terms of being ready to be a good partner.
I would suggest atleast going to the police, alot of places are adopting the idea of this being assault by failure to disclose
The real question is how do I continue doing both when if the truth got out I will be destroyed
As i said, this sub won't support you in that, so take your cheating self off elsewhere. Theres plenty of subs that encourage cheating and this one isn't it. You don't want relationship advice, you want cheating advice.
You deserve have your double life smashed to smithereens, you are treating your wife and children appallingly even if you say otherwise.
I adopted my daughter at birth. I love this little girl like she’s my own DNA.
She knows she has a “tummy mommy” and a “tummy daddy”. I send them photos frequently. They’ve FaceTimed before and have an open invitation to do it again.
Back in the day being adopted was treated like a shameful secret. We’re just open about it so she never feels blindsided or shame about it.
Dump her
Sure sure toxic turtle loving zombie.
He might be honest. He might recognize that he is quite immature and feels it's better to let you find someone better. Or he just wants to hook up with someone else.
Take him at his word and start working on healing. Take time to mourn the relationship and when you're done, just focus on yourself and making yourself happy. Also, reflect on what all these guys had in common and maybe see a pattern in the men you choose and what can be done to break this pattern.
I'm sorry this happened and I do wish you the best.
After overlooking our relationship and asking the questions…my relationship with my girlfriend is great. There's been nothing wrong left unresolved, no red flags that I know of or even feel. I'm not tired of our relationship, there are things that she does that I love, she's very interesting to me and I find her extremely attractive. I love my girlfriend.
Buddy I fought the same battle you are, but for nearly 10 years. I thought it could change, that she was the best I could get, that she'll grow to be more respectful.
It resulted in me losing my confidence slowly and becoming much more reserved. That made her emasculate me even more. Eventually she wanted a “real man”, someone who takes charge. I find this out after discovering she had been seeing someone else for months. We ended it and she stayed with him. He ended up being an abuser and she regretted it, but of course there was no way I was coming back. Then of course it turned out she had cheated several times in the past decade of our relationship. She never respected me, and I let her be that way because she wouldn't have it any other way. So I compromised myself.
What you are talking about with your situation is one of the(very few, to me at the time) red flags I ignored about this woman, because I was in love and she was the one.
If she is looking down on you when you are vulnerable, she is not the one.
I don’t think you grasp what love is. I think you’re confusing security, tradition and simply what you’re used to, for love. She humiliated you, broke your trust and ruined your life together. You still thought it was a great idea to keep her around. Then she did it again, as if the point wasn’t illustrated enough. Well ofc she did, there were zero implications the first time she cheated, why would she stop? Ofc they have continued their affair, why else would she be texting him, especially under a different name. And deleting the texts. Jesus man, you are seriously blind. Get a grip, kick her out, and never look back.
Okay then we are talking. Regardless, at the airport he was fully hiding from me and totally apart from his friends….
I don’t want her to hurt herself
So you'd rather she hurt you?
She is not your responsibility
Leave this abusive relationship OP
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A couple days ago after I got home from work I checked my partners location because she didn’t work today and I was wondering where she was. I noticed she was at an unfamiliar house so I called her and asked her where she was. She lied and said that she’s just leaving the shops now. (There’s no shops near her location, she was in a court/coldasack). Also coincidentally she was getting to her car while I was calling her and wouldn’t answer a FaceTime for around 5-10 minutes. She’s lied about where she was before and the past times I asked her about it she turned the conversation around on me and started listing a bunch of mistakes or things I’ve done that she doesn’t like. Because of this I’m not sure if I want to confront her because I don’t want to loose her. Then again I get the feeling she’s cheating because why lie about where you are unless you’re hiding something. So the question I’m asking is should I confront her if so what would be the best way?
I’m at the point of conversations don’t seem to be worth the angst. I’ve brought up counseling but that will only happen if i initiate it.
No, don't lie to her. Bullshit is always the worst thing to hear in a situation like this. Be straighforward and just say you don't want to be with her romantically and that's that. Include or not include the in-depth reason if you want, but don't make up shit.
Thanks. I tried to include all of the details so that I could be held accountable too. What would have been a more appropriate response?
In that moment all I could think of was all the times he has done this to me before and it made me feel nothing but rage
Girl what a mooch! you are not his mama
Kick him out and make him pay what he owes ya
My advice to you is to break up today and get it over with. Breakups are always hard but you will certainly not regret it
My advice to you is to break up today and get it over with. Breakups are always hard but you will certainly not regret it
Yes …..tell him suck your tits or you can’t be friends anymore
58M here – these are NOT trivial behaviours.
If you feel like a parent, he is not being a good partner. If you have to tell him what to do, you are being a manager, and he is not being a good partner. If you have to tell him to shower, you are being a parent, and he is not being a good partner.
And if his parents are expecting you to “take care of them” when they're “old”, you know where he is getting his expectations from.
Realize that, if you get married, they're not likely to change. You can't educate or shame them into changing – they'll only change if they actually want to change. If you stay in this relationship, you had better be comfortable being the one that keeps track of chores, ensures that things get done, and more. Expect to be handed the majority of the responsibility for any and all children you have.
If that's not the life that you want, then you have a decision to make. You can a) have an adult conversation with him (again) and say that this is not the life you want to build together and lay out how you feel, and ask him how it is that he feels comfortable being a child in the relationship, or b) just bail now, since you've already had conversations with him and he hasn't taken you seriously.
If you go with a) – DO NOT TEACH HIM HOW TO BE A PARTNER. That way lies resentment – for both of you. We online in an age where the sum of human knowledge is available at whim. There are millions of web pages, and probably billions of videos on how to be a good partner. If he doesn't want to learn that, then you will know. If you teach him, he will resent you for “being picky” or “nagging all the time”. Or, you will resent him for still making you do the emotional work to teach him how to be an adult partner.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That's why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.” Maya Angelou
Marriage requires mutual respect, love, compassion and support. If he's waiting to be told to do things, he's not respecting you and not supporting you. I'm no paragon, but having failed at two marriages so far, I've learned this much – if your partner is not working to be a better person, then they're just expecting you to accept that this is as good as it will get.
Good luck, OP. I hope you have a life filled with love, respect, support and compassion. With or without him.
What I want to add here, is that you are so, so young. The human brain does not fully complete its development until the age of about 26. All the commenters seem to think once a person mentions divorce, it's on the table as an option forever more. I don't necessarily agree. I think his comment may have partially been driven by immaturity and youth. Your husband has not lived long enough to learn life/coping skills, and he thinks separating is the only solution. I would not give up on the relationship just yet. Marriage is a commitment and it's often hard work. I think your idea of counseling is right on; for you together and maybe for him individually if he agrees to it. You may still have a future together, if you can learn some communication skills. And as a side note: not trying to be sexist here, but the chore thing is not at all uncommon with men, especially if they're young men who were not taught they need to be equal partners. There's probably just a learning curve here.
keep the cat out of your bedroom
She's never been allowed in my room – she is too annoying when you're trying to sleep. Rubbing against you, getting into things, running around . . .
cleaning routine by vacuuming
I try to keep on top of vacuuming, especially when I know he's coming over. That's why I hate having carpet cause it's so much more difficult to get all the fur. I even have covers over my couches that I can pull off when he's there to limit his contact with cat dander and hair.
cleaning the litter box
She's actually toilet trained, so that's an easy one
Whatever you do, though, I think you should expect this to be your last cat, if this is the right guy for you. It's up to him to cope gracefully with the “inherited” cat, but I think it would be highly selfish of you to insist on getting another one in the future, knowing that it will make him sick.
As sad as it is, I do agree with this. Or at least a big serious discussion on getting another cat – one that wouldn't cause so many allergies. But my current cat prefers being an only child, so no more cats for a long while.