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ZeezeeClappas, y.o.
Location: Florida, United States
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Date: October 27, 2022
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He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a Mommy. You want an adult to plan your future with, it's not this man. What has he shown you that indicates he's #willing to change? Nothing. Love blinds us to our partners faults but eventually the patina wears off and you're left with reality, and this guy is a child. Let him grow up on his own, he'll never do that with you catering to his needs. Go home and make a life for yourself.
No, we are not trying to destigmatize exploiting young women and call it a job, because patriarchy is so fun.
Your fiance is a weirdo. Sounds more dark triad than lovable extrovert.
This is the same if a girl said, >! “oh my best bro friend is fucking me, but we’re still friends right? He jokes like that, so it’s so funny when he fucks me and puts me in different positions. He usually sticks his dick in my face, but that’s a sign of respect right? We have a brother and sister like relationship. So i know he doesn’t like me or wants to fuck me.” !
Yeah he’s not the one. He’s showing you he does not trust you. Why be with someone who does not love you or trust you?
Got a few comments but I can't see them for some reason sorry guys, newer to Reddit and trying to figure it out…
She was cheating and you caught her. Why haven’t you already broken up with her?
Think about it like this, would you be okay if she had threesomes with her roommate and her roommates man and lived with them then decided not to tell you and you later found out? No. It’d show that she didn’t respect you or the relationship enough to be honest. So give her the respect and be honest. Also, stop with that. You’ll never get a real relationship doing that with them and I guarantee they don’t care about how nude it is for you to be In a relationship in that situation. You need to move out and actually start a life without roomie and his gf. Start a life for you. This stunt will never give you a fair chance.
I’ve dated guys that do this. I used to stay at my ex’s when the kids were small. Nothing ever happened and I slept in my kid’s room.
Can they even get a visa for that long?
Who’s the one here who can’t find someone to settle down with? Lol
Initially, I thought this was something fixable. As more people commented, I realized that there isn't much to do than leave. Honestly don't know why I wanted to play the therapist in this. Thank you for making me change my mind. I won't waste any other second with this guy!
You've been together for a little over a year, are in couples therapy, she lies, and you're in your mid-20s? I think you need to take a huge step back and ask why you're even in this relationship. As someone not in your relationship it sounds like you're fundamentally incompatible and trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.
I had trust . I’m someone who thinks “i will trust you until you give me a reason not to” he never had trust with me so now I’m conflicted sometimes bc it was recent
have you tried just asking him to cover your portion?
Best solution: Find yourself a man who's not shit like this one is.
YES the whole thing reads like a weird YA novel. The man can’t read minds. Real life is NOT a fairytale. I feel like you’re lashing out at him and sulking with an underlying hope that he realizes your feelings and then confesses to you. That would unfair to him and his current gf.
You sound like a passive passenger to your own life. You can’t put all the emotional burden on this man. You want him to notice your feelings, be your emotional support therapist AND make the first move. And if he couldn’t do that then you want him to stagnate his life and live in this limbo friendship with you. That’s too much to put on someone.
Life is all about learning from your mistake. When you heal from this, and you will despite how much despair you feel right now, make sure you advocate for yourself and your feelings. I hope you feel better soon.
just take a step back and wait for her to reach out. I know it's not the ideal situation but this is all you can do really.
He clearly likes 22 years olds as he is dating her.
Doesn’t mean that he doesn’t prefer older women and fetishize them. Just because it’s not your thing and YOU prefer 19 year olds, doesn’t mean all men do
I honestly think OP is more in the fault for this. It seems like there’s more to this story that they aren’t telling.
OP met a guy on tinder, and said this guy is the reason she was trying to break up with her boyfriend. It’s kinda obvious the boyfriend would have doubts and go snooping on her phone. Honestly, I’m glad he did because now he found out the truth
Breaks are dumb and pointless. Just an excuse to cheat without the guilt. Work through your problem or end the relationship. I don’t see any benefit of spending time apart, coming back together, and having the same exact problems again.
That's the thing. I don't enjoy anyone's company. So even though I have friends to hang out with, bcs I don't enjoy their company, I don't go out with them.
I have thought about therapy. But it's just soooo expensive. But I'll look into it again. I'd rather feel happy and change my current circumstances than continue like this.
You are having an affair, and unsurprisingly this whole post is all about you. Poor, poor you. Divorce your husband so he can find a decent human being to spend his life with. He deserves better than you.
For me, when there’s no question about it. There’s no thinking “hmmm, they could be the one, except for this, and this, and this…”. There’s no wondering “but how do I REALLY know if it’s meant to be?”. It’s just really obvious that they’re a good person for me.
No, just be polite and friendly. If they're actively trying to flirt with you it is best to just not engage with that though.
I will never tell her I cheated, it wouldn't do anything but cause pain. The only other option is break up. Therapist says keep quiet tho
I have a big ego and just generally am very proud so like if i have the smallest doubt about someone actually liking me i won’t ever show interest.
This reminds me of a comment I read somewhere about “useless femmes”: two women who are attracted to one another, neither of whom will make the first move.
He’s wanking off to them. I have a few questions:
Are these people he knows or has mutual friends with?
What is your definition of cheating? Do you think that not knowing someone but pleasuring yourself to them is cheating?
Would you be willing to check through his phone?
When you answer those, speak your mind and then determine the outcome. I (22f) have been through this with my boyfriend (24m). He was wanking off to people we knew. It took a while for me to forgive him and he does not do that stuff anymore. You can see someone’s activity on instagram (how long they are on the app) and even see photos they have liked. Before your relationship he could have been following those people to pleasure himself, but he should respect your boundaries and wishes if you don’t want this to continue. Men who are like this are still childish in the mind and need to grow up.
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I was circumcised young and have no memory of it but if I wasn’t, I 100% would not give my weiner’s hoodie up for a girl
I was circumcised young and have no memory of it but if I wasn’t, I 100% would not give my weiner’s hoodie up for a girl
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What are you trying to make work? She’s awful and you’re in an unhealthy relationship. You’re the only one who wants to make it work. You need to acknowledge that reality. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. It sucks. But you need to learn from it. Good luck.
Yup. Not compatible. You got that right.
You know you have to stop following him on social media. And remember the reasons it didn't work out. It will be the same reason it won't work out for this new girl. He isn't going to change because you perceive her to be prettier than you. If he treated you poorly just because he thought you weren't pretty enough for him. He'll do that to her regardless of how pretty she is. If you need to write down all the reasons you didn't want to be with him and wanted distance. Don't focus on anything nice because you tried to work for a year and couldn't. so even if everything but just one thing was perfect you have to focus on the one thing that makes him wrong for you.
Why are you doing nothing to fix this clear abuse going on? You are 100% equally complicit.
To answer your question: In my experience, it was both. It was jealousy because he didn't have my attention (anguish), and it is a loss of control. That made him so mad. I had to harden my heart, because he kept trying to lure me back just to torment me all over again. It was a vicious cycle.
He doesn't care if you love him, he just doesn't want you to be loved.
Respond to him only when it was necessary, and stick to business.
He doesn't want you to realize that he is emotionally abusive, gaslighting, and manipulating you.
On a more serious note this reeks of something either like mutal cheating cover stories or something a lot worse l, like a pedophile ring etc. Unfortunately those types of things do in fact exist.
His college is 3 hours away and he's only been back to town once when he still talked to us. Only talked to him one time for a couple seconds since.
I don’t like to have that sort of negative mentality
She's having an abortion. Her question is if she should tell him that.
We don’t and the only time he’s been alone with her is when he visits his family with her since I’m not on good terms with them
He’s a master manipulator. Leave before it’s too late
You did nothing wrong here. You protected your home. If she has this emotional baggage, that sucks but there's nothing you can do. She absolutely needs to seek therapy though to work through it. Being scared of someone cause they defended their home and themselves is not healthy.
Soooo.. just for funsies, lets lay this out mathematically….
In your relationship with this girl, it's just baked into the cake that once a WEEK (52 times a year, roughly), your girlfriend has set plans to spend several hours with her ex… his best friend, and her friend that doesn't like you… and is also the partner of ex's best friend…. And she has no problem sitting back while you're excluded, explaining her own friend to be a bitch… that she actively wants to spend time with.
I'd be getting away from this so fast, people would think that I had learned to fucking teleport.
So was her behavior but that didn’t seem to be a problem for her or you.
You need to have a frank discussion with him about this. Reddit can't answer these questions, only he can. If you two are thinking about buy a home together then it's natural to have the marriage discussion as part of this. If you want marriage, then I strongly suggest you tell him you'd like to be married before buying a home together and having kids (if you want them).
If he can't give you and enthusiastic “YES!” about getting married, then it's a no. If it's no, then you need to decide if you are willing to stay with him, without ever getting married, or, if you want marriage, then you need to end the relationship.
This is a really interesting possibility, and definitely likely. Even if she isn't cheating, she's definitely stepping outside the boundaries of the marriage with this man, and OP really needs to stop lying to himself.
Thank you!
I absolutely agree with this! If what the OP is saying is true, (and I'm basing my opinions on that, since we don't have anything else to go on) I'm getting the sense that OP's wife is at least minimizing OP's feelings, if not outright blowing them off.
Most posters here want to paint OP as the bad guy – paranoid, over sensitive, over thinking – while seemingly being ok with his wife being almost invisible through all of this; blissful with her job, community and child, while leaving her husband floundering and dealing with some pretty nasty impressions of him that are patently untrue.
When people are making accusations about the OP, and he's showing them his wife's drivers license as proof of age, is she doing anything? Or just standing there zoning out?
I agree that OP and wife should be a team, but why is it only the OP that needs to pull together the team? Where is the WIFE in all of this, besides being a little “annoyed” with people calling her young?
Maybe the real subtext here is NOT just how the community is treating the OP, but how his WIFE is. It makes me wonder if she treats him this way in other areas as well.
Even when a breakup is from a real, longterm relationship it's never a great idea to maintain contact with an ex. It just holds you back from moving on. But when someone basically victimizes you for only six months there's really no “closure” to be had. He wanted to meet with you for purposes of “damage control” (because you were involving his mother). But that's likely all it was. This was never a real relationship to him and he probably just views it as some kind of “fatal attraction” situation. He never expected you to react as you did and now he just wants it to all go away.
Not really sure “was my partner polite about it” should be that big a factor when talking about relationship deal-breakers.
At the end of the day the meaning is the same I lose my partner if I hang out with Jim.
^ this for me plus if she already has a boyfriend why does she need another. Also I find men to be extremely disgusting, a lot of men are shit and I just don't want to share with a dude.
Tip: these kind of comments always come across as disingenuous and passive aggressive.
I absolutely see where you are coming from, and to use my own situation as an example again, my girlfriend and I have discussions occasionally along the lines of “if you had one chance with a 'get out of jail free' card to sleep with anyone, who would it be?” (that can be a VERY dangerous question, by the way), we both openly discuss which celebs we go for, so I have a pretty good idea of my girlfriend's “type” as well.
However, we both trust that when she is out and about, or I am out at work, nothing happens, because we know that “the grass is not always greener on the other side” and other similar phrases. Also, we are both old enough, experienced enough, and have been dumb enough to have made mistakes in the past and learned that we have a good thing.
I think it would probbaly help you if your girlfriend could tell you about a few “type” guys she has dated in the past, where the relationship was a complete disaster.
I think it would also help if she were to tell you, and show you, that she is invested in your relationship. I also think that in order to get to that point, you need to take a step back and think about what that “show and tell” would look like in your mind to be of value to you. She also needs to look at that, and decide what she needs from you to help build the foundation of your relationship. Because the effort she puts into trying to convince you has to be matched by the willingness to accept and reciprocate on your part.
Ultimately, the “I have a type” consideration is about fantasies and wish fulfillment. Some people try to fulfill those and remain blind to the negatives, flaws, and areas in which they as a person feel unfulfilled as the trade-off that they accept for trying to fulfill a fantasy. Some people recognize that trying to turn fantasies into reality often leads to pain and suffering (but i would also tell people to never give up on their dreams… I am not claiming to be 100% consistent here!)
Right? It's like, just walk away? She obviously doesn't live with him(I'm assuming) so just be done?
Don’t meet him! You already know what he wants from you (sex) and you’re in a vulnerable place. Keep your distance and look for friends your own age who are not going to push your “daddy” button.