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Date: October 25, 2022
One last note, good on you for knowing it's a problem. My in-laws act the same way you did, but 20X worse + physical violence. They're in their late 40's. Your post gave me a bit of perspective on how it probably feels for them.
Doesn't excuse the behavior, but at least you're going to improve it. Better yet, you're working on it before you have kids or it escalates.
Obviously it's not the first time he's made me feel this way, it will be the hundredth. I realize that this situation is ridiculous in itself, but I perceive it as the thousandth demonstration of a huge difference between me and her. into that teddy bear I project a kick-ass action, not an understanding. and this makes me feel cheated. thanks for the reply, anyway
We would never go out again.
No, I’m asking for advice. Who the fuck cares what I call it? Seriously
You went from not being equipped to handle this to being a medical professional capable of diagnosing a Cluster B personality disorder very quickly there. Get honest. You're using this trainwreck to distract from the dumpster fires in your own life.
Besides “advice” from older men isn't what a 30 something female with BPD needs. You are PART of her toxic pattern. Google whoever has been providing DBT in your area for the longest time if you think she's showing borderline criteria— and address whatever it is you're actually avoiding in your own life that needs to be addressed.
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Of course! All my life I have been trained to pay attention to it. I agree there were things I was still learning for sure. But I assure you, I’m one of the least aggressive men out there. From her past history what’s she’s told me, I’m a breath of fresh air apparently.
Jordan Peterson: Clean your room.
My father always said a living space is a reflection of somone's mind, so it's definetly a red flag when it comes to dating, you never a crackhead with a clean room.
No I was just making a post and said even though I already know my decision I’m just curious what others would do in this situation and some commentary on it.
Being a male in a nutshell.
avoids being masculine in a toxic way, but to the disadvantage of a situation that requires others to take on masculine roles
Society: “No, not like that!”
OMG. You are the worst.
You made a situation about yourself when it should be about your boyfriend.
He wasn’t comfortable doing something and you forced him to do it. It is NOT YOUR PLACE TO DEFINE HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENT.
Take god damn rose color glasses off next time and realize not everyone is blessed with a healthy relationship with their family.
You are so selfish. Even after witnessing everything, you somehow still try to make it about yourself. Give him space, and pray to god he doesn’t choose to leave you for crossing a boundary he wasn’t comfortable doing – because I know if I was in his place, I would have been done with this relationship.
I'm paranoid, and a nerd, so I totally support his privacy concerns lol. Also you totally seem like you'd snoop considering your reaction to this.
These things aren't accidental. If they were pictures of very specific activity, with a pattern that had previously been established (lets say you already knew that she didn't wear it swimming, or running, etc)…then of course, nothing to worry about, but it's clear from your description that this is not the case. I've been married 30 years and my wife's engagement and wedding ring have been a part of her daily routine (with few exceptions) for that entire time. Just for the sake of discussion…how much privacy do you guys maintain between each other? Email, banking, telephone…that sort of thing? Although not specifically by design, my wife and I have full access to each others email, phones, and as a married couple…all funds are OUR funds anyway, so the banking is a no brainer…just curious if you have access to each others info in that way? As a married couple I just see it as practical. We have nothing to hide from her and more than once I've been in a situation where I needed my wife to jump on my computer or phone and look at something for me, and vice versa….just some food for thought….
You are a team and sometimes not everything is going to be clearly 50/50. What I do personally is calculate the difference in salary between my partner and I. I make 70% more so I’m paying 70% of the expenses.
What if your BF gets fired would you still force him to split everything or would you cover for him? Splitting everything doesn’t really make sense sometimes.
I definitely struggle with transaction love, so it’s very easy to count and say the Xyz I gave you is not equivalent to the x you gave me.
I think I’ll use the specific language you provided. Thank you for this comment 🙂
Yes, we’re coming for dinner.
I will look into this and try this, thank you! I have considered couples therapy but money is an issue right now, I will be starting a new job soon so it should be more possible.
I’d say that much as he might hate it, it would be a good idea to make a general rule: no sleeping in doggie households. That’s a lot of allergen exposure he can avoid.
He definitely needs to se a specialist; don’t let it get to a critical point. Don’t hope it will go away– it might get worse instead. My allergies stack: if I am generally unstressed and not exposed I can deal with any one allergen; but add them together and I will suffer. Maybe there’s something else he can remove from his life that will make things easier, and a specialist might have advice on how the dog owners can help.
The cage isn't going to solve the dogs anxiety if he's not already trained that way. How does your gf feel about the situation?
Well unless she's Shauna Rae.
Him being a cop makes this dangerous for you. I’m normally team Tell Her, but I think you should keep this one close. You never know how far he could take the harassment if you tell.