Its baffling that you have already experienced porn addiction and can still stand for porn.
What we are talking about here is porn use that ignores your partners boundary, not consensual porn. No one couldnt care less if people are okay with porn in their relationships, but if someone isnt okay with it and it causes them hurt like ops partner has, it is not okay
Don't get engaged, move in together or marry him. No big trip to Mexico either. Since he is not working those things need to go on pause. Your questions need to be all about him making unilateral decisions. Does he even have an education in investing?
He's still, and likely always been a fuckboy. He's a serial cheater and liar. Just because you've sunk so much time into him, doesn't mean you should stay. He's not going to change.
Yes, you can delete matches so that they don’t show, and yes you can delete messages.
The only question you need to ask yourself here is “Do I still trust him?”. If the answer is no, then you need to break up. You can’t have a healthy relationship without trust (and you already say it’s “toxic”, whatever that means).
Walking outside of the path is supposed to be protective in terms of “if a car loses control and veers onto the sidewalk, let it hit me and not my girlfriend”. Not because people are looking at your ass.
Everyone is being a little harsh and jumping the gun on your gf's intentions, but they make the assumption for a reason.
When you're in a relationship, there are things you do out of respect and preservation to your partner. For example, going to get drinks with your ex. It doesn't always mean you will cheat, but you are putting yourself in a situation that increases the risk of it. Sleeping over a coworkers house without a reason of safety, or without that being the normal (long time friend), or something that's casual between you two is a naive choice. Why would she put herself in a questionable position?
It's not an answer that you will get from her, or one she will probably fully know or admit. It's something you should think about for yourself. There are many people out that who also see this as a boundary, and wouldn't leave it up to you to “be the bad guy” “be controlling” and tell her no.
If you aren't ready to break up, I'd go the general route of saying no to sleepover with opposite sex friends. Or if you live together, invite him to come over and watch TV and crash on your couch if she is desperate for a sleepover. Offer that you aren't comfortable yet, but maybe getting to know him would make things better.
If this potential porn addiction and him jacking off at work aren’t the top issues to cover in therapy, it sounds like this relationship is in a really bad place. I hate to hear what your other problems are.
In this case, it's her choice to force herself. You're drawing and standing by your boundaries. Good job! A lot of people can't do that!
With that being said, there's clearly something driving her behavior, and if you want this relationship to work, you're gonna have to work together to figure out what's going on
You really need to get over yourself and into therapy. You chose to work and go to law school. Many of us do the same thing. Like do you want a cookie? Your bf is ALSO working and going to grad school. Not an easy path. But you seem to think he has a walk in the park. Which makes you an AH
Well most men wants their gf to be only theirs, if girl was promiscuous in the past and they find out about it then its not. Having threesome ofcourse makes him think you are promiscuous.
Can he get over it? Who knows.
If I found out my gf had threesome or many guys it would change my perspective on her. Its not about insecurity, people's past matters. Especially if someone is planning long term future with someone. Everyhing we say or do have some consequences.
Diffrent people have diffrent perspectives and values so, for some it's tottaly fine, for some it's dealbreaker.
When you talked to the neighbor, did she say it ever sounded like violence was occurring or was it just shouting? Don't get me wrong shouting loudly enough and often enough that the neighbors hear it and complain is bad too, but I want to make sure we don't have a domestic violence situation on top of that. Did the neighbor say if it sounded like they were both doing their fair share of yelling, or was one the aggressor more often than the other?
I know I want to do something, but I'm not sure what I should exactly do. I don't want this to be an I told you so situation, but I told him that he was moving too fast.
Definitely stay away from anything that could be interpreted as an “I told you so,” because people tend to double down on bad decisions when they feel defensive. Along those same lines I wouldn't have this talk with him right after you've heard them fight either, because his guard will be up and he'll be resistant to discussing it. Try to see if you can arrange some time for just the two of you to do something together, then while you're out gently broach the subject and see what he has to say.
Nah.
Its baffling that you have already experienced porn addiction and can still stand for porn.
What we are talking about here is porn use that ignores your partners boundary, not consensual porn. No one couldnt care less if people are okay with porn in their relationships, but if someone isnt okay with it and it causes them hurt like ops partner has, it is not okay
Don't get engaged, move in together or marry him. No big trip to Mexico either. Since he is not working those things need to go on pause. Your questions need to be all about him making unilateral decisions. Does he even have an education in investing?
Would have been nice is she discussed before just announcing this. Maybe get a church calendar she can fill out in advance of no sex times.
It is her body but changing a sex dynamic like that should be brought up before you start being intimate so that expectations could be set.
He's still, and likely always been a fuckboy. He's a serial cheater and liar. Just because you've sunk so much time into him, doesn't mean you should stay. He's not going to change.
Yes, you can delete matches so that they don’t show, and yes you can delete messages.
The only question you need to ask yourself here is “Do I still trust him?”. If the answer is no, then you need to break up. You can’t have a healthy relationship without trust (and you already say it’s “toxic”, whatever that means).
Walking outside of the path is supposed to be protective in terms of “if a car loses control and veers onto the sidewalk, let it hit me and not my girlfriend”. Not because people are looking at your ass.
Everyone is being a little harsh and jumping the gun on your gf's intentions, but they make the assumption for a reason.
When you're in a relationship, there are things you do out of respect and preservation to your partner. For example, going to get drinks with your ex. It doesn't always mean you will cheat, but you are putting yourself in a situation that increases the risk of it. Sleeping over a coworkers house without a reason of safety, or without that being the normal (long time friend), or something that's casual between you two is a naive choice. Why would she put herself in a questionable position?
It's not an answer that you will get from her, or one she will probably fully know or admit. It's something you should think about for yourself. There are many people out that who also see this as a boundary, and wouldn't leave it up to you to “be the bad guy” “be controlling” and tell her no.
If you aren't ready to break up, I'd go the general route of saying no to sleepover with opposite sex friends. Or if you live together, invite him to come over and watch TV and crash on your couch if she is desperate for a sleepover. Offer that you aren't comfortable yet, but maybe getting to know him would make things better.
Best of luck
Girls don't want guys like that anyway. Most of us have figured out it is a bunch of sexist tripe trumpeted by low-sexually performing men.
If this potential porn addiction and him jacking off at work aren’t the top issues to cover in therapy, it sounds like this relationship is in a really bad place. I hate to hear what your other problems are.
In this case, it's her choice to force herself. You're drawing and standing by your boundaries. Good job! A lot of people can't do that!
With that being said, there's clearly something driving her behavior, and if you want this relationship to work, you're gonna have to work together to figure out what's going on
Drinks excessively and regularly,
Stays at random guys house,
Lies about it,
Better to keep your distance…
You really need to get over yourself and into therapy. You chose to work and go to law school. Many of us do the same thing. Like do you want a cookie? Your bf is ALSO working and going to grad school. Not an easy path. But you seem to think he has a walk in the park. Which makes you an AH
no one is reading all of that holyyyyyyyy
Well most men wants their gf to be only theirs, if girl was promiscuous in the past and they find out about it then its not. Having threesome ofcourse makes him think you are promiscuous.
Can he get over it? Who knows.
If I found out my gf had threesome or many guys it would change my perspective on her. Its not about insecurity, people's past matters. Especially if someone is planning long term future with someone. Everyhing we say or do have some consequences.
Diffrent people have diffrent perspectives and values so, for some it's tottaly fine, for some it's dealbreaker.
oh thats maybe the reason. we did missionary
You are kidding, right!?
You're so far up your ass… I mean…
Of course it's always the employees on minimum wage that pay the price in an uncheck capitalist society!!
Does it mean we gotta protect corporation interests? Do you really think we'll help workers by helping their oppressors?? Fuck no.
Btw, what you are saying doesn't make any sense and has nothing to do with op's father.
When you talked to the neighbor, did she say it ever sounded like violence was occurring or was it just shouting? Don't get me wrong shouting loudly enough and often enough that the neighbors hear it and complain is bad too, but I want to make sure we don't have a domestic violence situation on top of that. Did the neighbor say if it sounded like they were both doing their fair share of yelling, or was one the aggressor more often than the other?
I know I want to do something, but I'm not sure what I should exactly do. I don't want this to be an I told you so situation, but I told him that he was moving too fast.
Definitely stay away from anything that could be interpreted as an “I told you so,” because people tend to double down on bad decisions when they feel defensive. Along those same lines I wouldn't have this talk with him right after you've heard them fight either, because his guard will be up and he'll be resistant to discussing it. Try to see if you can arrange some time for just the two of you to do something together, then while you're out gently broach the subject and see what he has to say.