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zackzackzack888, 24 y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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I would say the part where you try to stop her, give tough love, or criticism. She made a decision and you are trying to stop her when it is not your life or responsibility. You can justify that you are interfering out of moral justice, but that is what I would say is ego and savior complex. You are dealing with another human being. They have free will and they will make decisions according to their will. Bending that will to conform to your own ideals is what would be ego. This isn't like a machine with no will that you fix. People choose to grow and learn themselves. That's why some people will never change no matter how much you try to interfere and fix them. What you have control over is your own decisions and life. It would be egotistical to try to take control of other people's decisions as if they are your own.
I mean women do this all the time tho lol this seems like you’re mostly pissed you didn’t get to eat free like most women expect on a date. I have to say this whole thing is just ridiculous and sounds like a child
Stop BUYING dogs. Adopt like an ethical person with morals.
You're right, I do only have one life. I'm also just terrified of setting out on my own when we've been together for so long. I know that's normal too, but the fear is very hot to shake.
I also don't want to just jump straight into breakup mode if there might still be a chance for things to improve, but I suspect that's my naivete and stubbornness at play.
I didn’t edit anything. The mods can give you the full commenting and prove that I didn’t edit anything. I have no idea what you’re talking about. You sound unhinged. Please leave me alone.
Oh great, you're dating a pedophile!
This is strange.
Maybe just reach out to him and ask if there is something you said or did that has cause him to pull away from you and your friendship?
As a wife, I would find it very odd if one of my husband’s friends (from before me) started texting me instead of my husband.
Scrolled too long to see someone point out this is a case by case situation.
Scrolled too long to see someone point out this is a case by case situation.
No, you’re not overreacting. You just married him and promised your life to him and he kind of betrayed you. You’re going to have to decide whether you can get over it or how deep it runs for you. I would make it clear to him that if it happens again, there’s gonna be some thing you’re gonna have to set that some thing whatever that is. And he needs to know you’re really serious, so stop consoling him what you did as you took away all your power that night. It was you that were wrong, not him, and you set up the thing that he can take advantage of you.
Yeahh, I have nothing against what songs she plays, but it just sounds really unpleasant to my ears. And I live in an apartment so I just feel kinda bad for the people around me even if it's not pass quiet hours. Idk how else to explain the unpleasantness. I don't lower it substantially, just enoughh to where it doesn't mess with my ears as much
I don’t see a “wound” in this relationship, it’s just a fundamental incompatibility.
If marriage is meaningful and important to you then you should be with someone who also finds it meaningful and important. Isn’t it an empty gesture if someone agreed to marry you without it meaning anything to them? With them actually not enjoying thinking of you as their wife? With them not thinking your marriage is “important”?
It sounds like he was clear in the beginning. The best thing you can do is leave so you both can find compatible partners. He hasn’t changed his mind.
Side note because you mention he’s worried about divorce: that’s not the best sign imo if he wants to be life partners. If you’re going to own property together, possibly have children together, and live your lives together it’s a bit of a red flag that someone’s first thought is how much they could lose in divorce. A marriage with pre-nup is meant to protect both parties, and is important to consider if you’ll be losing earning years and career growth to carry and raise children. If you compromise on your goal of marriage how would you plan to protect yourself financially? What has he offered to provide you a sense of security?
LEAVE NOW
DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN
my ex used to downplay hitting me in the arm all the time and eventually one day when he'd been drinking he lost it and tried to kill me
This is why people should have the “long term” conversation in the first month or 2 of dating. Both of you obviously have ideas about what you want your own future to be but haven't talked to the other person about it…
Tell her. She's supposed to be supportive. Don't be a part of the problem by lying to her about it. It's you and her vs the problem.
The sooner she knows, the sooner you two can navigate together through this rough part in time. Get unemployment, and start getting those applications going.
You realize he contradicted himself a few times, right?
Is making dinner such a hardship that he can't even make his own sandwiches (sorry but what the actual F) or even cook on the weekends… or is it 'not a big deal' and 'so easy' it only takes '30 seconds to take chicken out of the freezer'? Which is it exactly.
He said that how dinner is managed in our house now is very convenient.
HAHA, well yeah, because his 1950's housewife is doing all the work, despite also working a full time job. It's super convenient for someone to have all their chores done for them!
Ask him how many of his own meals he'll have to make when he's single.
Once he does that math real quick, maybe he'll realize the very reasonable 80/20 (which is still BS BTW, it should be 50/50) you're asking for sounds pretty good.
Who is the he you are talking about?
Personally for me (because everyone defines those two things differently) “talking” is the phase where you figure out wether you see a future together, but still talk to other people. “Being” exclusive is the point where you both decide to commit to each other.
But, as I said, everyone defines this differently, so it's best to talk it through with your potential partner.
All amphetamines are going to be addictive, missing a dose of vyvanse always made me feel sluggish, much more than if I tapered down.
Go to an individual therapist and talk it out with them. I hope they will help you see that divorce is best for you and your children. Kids know when their home is unhappy and don't you think they deserve a happy one?
Propose
He is not loving. He is abusing you and this is an abusive relationship. The flowers and the dates are part of the mind games to keep you in check. Don't you see you even had to come up with a lie to be on birth control? So you were afraid of saying the truth: That you do not want any more kids, that he is raping you and forcing you to be pregnant!
And change all passwords. Just in case.
She was a small child dealing with her father dying of an incredibly difficult disease, without support. This is insanely inappropriate. A mentally strong 6 year old is still a very young child who you deprived of their childhood. You made them handle the care of a dying man on their own. I understand you felt you had no other options, but this wasn’t an acceptable one. She is traumatized. It sounds like you don’t understand what you did to her.
That may be a component but it absolutely, 100% has a physical aspect due to anatomical differences between the vagina and the anus.
This doesn’t sound good. So he’ll have to approuve your friends before you are allowed to go out with them. Next step will be to disagree of your friends because ( it could be anything) because they are single because the way they dress, too much make up, flirty, you name it. He’s showing you his controlling tendencies. Shut it up right now.
Don’t worry about him losing his friend, he will not. Think about yourself first.
He knows how much this would mean to you and is choosing to ignore it.
That's the biggest red flag there is. You don't want to be a side piece to his life.
Heed your friends' advice and dump his ass.
she showed me a test that said 3+ weeks
When a pot has handles that get hot, use pot holders or a dish towel so you don’t burn your hands.
Every single person in this thread is telling you men should cry. Where are you getting the idea that finding someone who thinks emotions are normal will “take many years”. That's blatantly false because you don't want to face the fact that you could absolutely find someone better.