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OrlandoColt, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 24, 2022
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The other day he told me he was the weakest version of himself when drunk.
Followed by, if someone gave me drugs and I was drunk enough I’d do them, or if I was drunk enough I’d probably hit you.
He is telling you who he is. He knows his alcoholism makes him a dangerous person who will do reckless self-destructive things to himself and to people he presumably cares for.
He is warning you to not be surprised when he hits you. When you are laying on the floor, shocked, after he knocks you down, he will claim it's your fault because he told you this would happen. He'll claim since you stayed with him, you agreed to the beating.
You can't fix this.
Giving him an ultimatum will not work. He is not going to choose you over drinking. His addiction and craving is stronger than any care he has for you. He's already told you he knows he is capable of striking you, and even with that self-knowledge, he continues to drink.
Your concern that he'll have sex with another person while blackout drunk is valid, and so is your fear he'll hurt or kill someone while driving drunk, or get in a violent drunken altercation and end up arrested and charged and jailed.
The reason you weren't invited to the party was because he planned to get shitfaced drunk and knew his friends would babysit him. He couldn't do that if you were present, because you cramp his desire to drink as much as he wants.
Accept that it does not matter how much you love him. He's choosing alcohol over you.
As difficult as it may be to do, you should break it off, walk away, and not look back.
Giving ultimatums or bargaining with an addict will not make them stop.
You did this to yourself. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it. After breaking it off with him you need to be honest with your companion. You will never have a chance to truly redeem yourself until you're honest. He deserves to make an informed decision about staying with you. Keeping him in the dark for the rest of y'all's relationship is really fucked up. He might not want to stay with you and you're going to need to accept that. If your affair partner doesn't know you need to tell him as well but you need to be honest. I cannot stress this enough. If you're not and by the grace of God (more like the grace of Satan) he decides to stay with you, you're going to do this again. I'm not trying to be rude here but if I come across that way I'm sorry but you need a dose of reality here but you will never change and grow if you don't face the consequences of your actions. Every comment of yours, even in this one, is just an excuse after excuse. You need to do and be better. To speak your own language since you can't seem to care about anyone but yourself here, you're going to end up damaging yourself as well, if you haven't already. Therapy is also something you should consider. You can change but you have to want it and work for it.
To be fair, she updated and said she broke up with him.
This is the most disgusting, victim-blaming, poor self-reflecting post I’ve seen on this sub in a long time.
There’s something especially horrible about a person who cheats and then fails to take responsibility for it afterwards. You’re actually just flat out not a good person.
That is all.
For asking for identification of something you believe might be regularly slipped into your food ? Wouldn’t that just land the boyfriend for possession? OP has no idea what it is, it might be completely legal.
This is your second date, and you're already talking about how you'd like to live with her and get married?
You're going to need to sit down and assess your views of dating and partnership. Consider therapy. It is not healthy to create “roles” in your life to wedge people into like pegs; humans are individuals and cannot and should not be expected to eventually fill a gap in your life like some kind of tool or resource.
That being said, be yourself on dates always. Give the other person the opportunity to know who you truly are so they can judge honestly your compatibility.
Everytime I talk to a poly person, they seem to have a few FWB relationships.
That's the way I see it. A few casual sexual relationships, nothing more.