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Date: October 24, 2022
AmateurPub
Actually it kind of is. You don’t live near each other, you are only 19, it’s a long distance relationship that is mostly carried out over the phone, you don’t have children or a home together, and he is a married man. You are doing yourself a disservice by staying involved with him because he is already married and even if he were to leave his wife for you, which is unlikely, it would be messy and chaotic and he’s shown the type of person he is. Save yourself while you still can.
Very true. I was so relieved in my last relationship when I could just say “I like sage a bit more, how do you feel about using sage instead of thyme there?” instead of beating around the bush and trying to mind read minds and determine who wanted their option the most. To me, at least, being able to ask straight out and get and tolerate a straight answer back, is healthier than dancing around it.
Your kids shouldn't be around all this. She is destructive to your marriage and her children's lives. She wouldn't gain custody if you fight it.
For me this is a non-negotiable. I would break up with someone like this. Life is too short to be with someone this unyielding.
Tinder isn’t an app to make friends it’s meant to be used to find sexual partners. Your girlfriends excuse is absurd.
You would be insane to marry this person. It's absolutely a dealbreaker to have lied about all this. Full stop. Regardless of the excuses or promises. This is a fundamentally dishonesty person who is trying to manipulate you.
You're young. You have so much time to meet someone without all this baggage.
Run.
Haha even so at least their heart is in the right place.
I could have lived knowing she kissed someone else
Maybe, maybe not. I think it would be harder than you would think because it's about the dishonesty and not so much about what was done. The fact that she is insinuating that oral isn't cheating is ridiculous, it's call oral sex.
Anyway, I wish you all the recovery friend.
Have you ever been in this situation before ?
This post is bs, it’s more like 80-90 hrs a week lol
Double life or he's cheating. There's no reason to act like that otherwise.
No, she is too disgusted to actually engage.
What does that mean?
She is also fighting with the child or she is too disgusted in you?
Thank you for your support. I recorded it and I plan on playing at a random time to see his reaction.
You break up with him, that's what you do.
You shouldn't have to talk to a grown ass man about his hygiene. You're 21, do you really want to be stuck in a relationship without sex, without fun, without love, with a smelly dude?
Get out, and find someone with at least some basic hygiene and sex drive. You don't have to settle for anything less than you want and deserve. This dude is not your soulmate, your soulmate is somewhere out there having regular showers.
she doesn’t seem to be willing to give you that bit of time.
Sometimes, a woman will come right up to you and tell you why you should never stick your dick in crazy.
This is one of those times. Your existence sounds miserable, my dude. RUN.
OK HOT DISAGREE with all the people making excuses for your mom, based on what you've shared. I do not think it's likely she was sexually assaulted.
Frankly, your mom sounds performative and attention seeking (wearing his “favorite dress”, embarrassing you and your siblings with performative pda, having nonconsensual sex with your dad while he was drunk…)
I am a sexual assault survivor, and its nice so many people are realizing how common it can be. It's very true, in essence, what people are saying: victims can sublimate trauma in countless individual ways and their reactions are varied.
That said, it's pure conjecture. When people lie, they often refuse to acknowledge their lies. Scientists still don't understand compulsive lying. I don't know if your mom lies about more than just your parentage, but that's one very big lie. I've also met many women (and some men but this is less in line with conservative gender roles) who lie about mundane incidental shit and it's part of a “cute” persona they use to manipulate others. Especially a codependent dupe who will enable their self serving fantasy.
What is absolutely certain about this story is that your mother DID sexually assault (if not rape) your father. She literally laid a trap, got him drunk, and had sex with him while he was under the influence and unable to consent. He immediately regretted it and was very upset. It was disruptive to his self protection, his future plans, and his emotional state. As marital rape is increasingly recognized as immoral and illegal, let's not all make excuses for what she did on the basis of their history together, or the fact that he used to love her self- performance.
Tl;dr: whatever happened in your mother's past that she's stonewalling, she definitely raped your dad ave didn't care about you enough to tell the truth or get treatment.
Jesus, try marijuana, muscle relaxers, ECT before beating over the head like a looney toons character
Bear in mind that whatever he tells you, might not be the truth.
Personally, I would be tempted to skip it.
Per the story every 20 min the friend needed a refill and they were taking to long at times, so OP and the friends boyfriend went up to check on them. They came back to the table after that. On the drive home she fessed up. She didnt say at the time what was going on only once he and the other boyfriend were suspicious. She could have said when they wnet up to check on them what was going on or hell hey honey theres a guy up ther hitting on me and had 1 of the 2 guys go up to get the refills since it was only the friend of ops girlfriend that was drinking.
Yes, they do have a close friendship it sounds like. It isn’t a bad thing, but not everyone is ok being in a relationship where the coparent is THIS close to their significant other. That’s ok too. I won’t say I agree with all of GF’s actions, so I get where you’re coming from. But it’s also easy to pass judgment when we aren’t involved in a situation. I can see how having your home on display to someone via face time could feel invasive. I can also empathize with not necessarily wanting to see a “family photo” of the three of them on your own fridge. That didn’t make taking it down right or ok either. The key is to have conversations about these things in an open and honest way. It’s a challenge to navigate, that’s for sure.
FWIW, OPs girlfriend isn’t wrong or bad for not being comfortable with the other parents involvement in her day to day life. This doesn’t sound like the right relationship for her. But I think OP would be incredibly naïve to think this isn’t going to be a recurring issue. I have zero interest in being buddies with my coparent. Same goes for my husband. If he wanted to be close buddies with his coparent that wouldn’t have been the relationship for me. People don’t have to be best friends to be great parents/coparents. Anyone pushing that narrative needs to understand how incredibly nuanced and challenging blending families can be.
The only thing she needs to know is that you're changing the locks because she can't respect your privacy.
How would i bring this up to her without hurting her feelings? Would telling her she’s not ready to be in a relationship seem like an insult?
This. All this.
I just mean ill do if theres not an issue or problem shes dealing with when i come over like an emergency