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koko_chanel1, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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Ima be nice and call you naive. Hopefully this is just a coping thing and you eventually realize how unlikely her story is. I wouldnt believe it.
Welp, if your post is anything like your relationship, it's all “I, I, I, I, me, me, me”. He's literally told you that you don't listen to him and don't respect his feelings.
Now, if you're as self-centered as I think you are, the first thing you're going to say, reading my observation, is “That's not how it is at all! Of course I listen to him!”. Again, read what he told you. He likes you but he does not think you treat him as an equal. You care about your feelings first, foremost and fully. Anything that he feels is, well, clearly an afterthought, despite whatever your intentions are.
Worse, you know he's on the spectrum, so you know that if you give him an instruction once, he'll follow it forever. You used words incredibly carelessly and not once followed up on what you said. Like it or not, that kind of diligent follow up is needed in your relationship. If you're unwilling to do that, you should leave now.
Try putting him first, once in a while, and see how it goes.
As a guy, I personally am not overly materialistic, especially when it comes to receiving gifts. I personally would rather get something that comes from the heart and an explanation as to why you got me that gift, than something purchased at a store. For example, if someone were to gift me a drawing they did, or write a poem, or even just a letter expressing their feelings for my and why I am special to them, or how this gift reminded them of me, that is more special than anything else.
However, if you are determined to purchase something, I'm sure he fully understands your financial situation. But if you do want to buy something, what would be your budget? I know there are some cool car or lego sets that you could get relatively cheap, and then the thought behind those gifts could take it a step further. Guys are simple and generally don't expect much in the gift department. I'm sure just spending time with him for the holidays and telling him how he makes you feel and expressing that love for him, how he makes you feel safe and secure, would be more than enough to make his Christmas special.
It can take a few sessions 🙂 Lots of foreplay too, and like another commenter said an orgasm if possible
You confront her with a police officer present after getting your bike inspected and having a professional confirm the brakes were cut? Or just leave a not that says “I know you tried to kill me.” After you leave.
If your bike is kept locked up somewhere inside, like a garage, that no one else had access too then she's the only one that could have done it.
Also, people don't just cut brake lines on random people's bikes. If someone gains access to your bike they are going to try and steal it. Not tamper with the brakes.
this is one of the fakest stories i’ve read in a while
That punch is what did it for me. Like, really? lmao
He’s just showing his true colors now. He only acted sweet to get the girl and now that he did he’s getting comfortable and taking off the mask.
If you can't remember what goes on when you're drunk, stop drinking, it's doing you no good and it's a depressant
Better to check in on her but also disclose you’re ready to give her space if she needs it. You know her way better than any of us so who knows, she might be worried about losing a lifelong friend or trying to figure out how she feels.
What did I do wrong?
Nothing. You dodged a bullet. Be glad he showed his true colors this early so you didn't waste more time.
Why not? Your mental health affects everything else about you. You should always prioritize your health, mental or physical. Something to consider.
I completely believe that it's possible for someone to cheat, and then come out of the fog, look in the mirror and realize that's not who they want to be, do some deep soul-searching, and become a better person.
… it's just that, playing the odds, most people don't do that.
Beyond that, the longer the affair, the more likely this is who she is. A one-night drunken indiscretion could be a regrettable aberration dealt with by a little therapy and introspection; a year+ affair? That's the kind of shit that would need some major life changes for me to believe that she wasn't still exactly that same person, just with more experience at how to not get caught.
Past actions may not be a guarantee of future results, but it's kind of the only thing you have to go on.
Get the housekeeper to do more. I only had one housekeeper but she cleaned up everything, even swept the patios. You need your housekeeper more or a better housekeeper. Is your husband becoming a hoarder maybe?
i found his mug shot with the news article
Honestly it’s a tough one, because on one hand I would say protect yourself and don’t worry about it.
However it makes me sad that people have to do this. If you’re choosing to marry someone I think you should go all in. I think you should really just discuss it with her and see how she feels.
?????
It's a massive oversimplification to say that the daughter has no grief! My mother died and I have no memories of her and at 39 years old I still grieve that loss. Also, it's important for that child that her mother not be erased. She needs to see pictures of that half of her DNA. Lots of oversimplifications here.
I agree with other commenters, wait. It sounds like you are interested in the *idea* of a relationship, and what that could look like, with either of these girls – this is totally normal to want especially if you don't have a lot, or any, experience with this yet. It's natural to be curious about what it could be like. But. You're doing yourself and both of these people a disservice to be interested only in their attention, and considering pursuing the relationship for that reason. A healthy relationship takes two individuals respecting and seeing each other on equal footing, nothing less. You WANT to build and explore it with the other person (not the idea of a relationship, this is about THE PERSON), and the other person wants the same with you.
This is shit to hear but my advice would be to trust that you'll learn all you need to know through life. Don't rush into anything that compromises your integrity or someone else's personhood. Honesty with yourself and others is a good rule to fall back on.
I can see from other comments you're concerned how either of the girls could react to you if you're honest with them. Again – honesty will never steer you wrong. For example you could tell them both kindly “hey, right now I like the idea of a relationship but don't feel for you what you feel for me. Out of respect for both of us I'm not interested in you as a girlfriend. If that changes I'll tell you, but for now please don't flirt with me.” That's you telling your side, stating your intentions, and setting a boundary/expectation for how you'll interact. The good thing about being honest is that it leaves no room for misinterpretation. You won't have to wonder if you should look at them or not, anything like that, because you will know that both of you know you're not leading them on. You can leave that example in the dust if it doesn't fit/doesn't help you, my overall advice is to just be straight with them. Even if it upsets them at first, honesty is the move that respects everyone.
She's a Greek spy
Personally, I would be willing to do it if my partner was willing to put a lien on the mortgage with a 10+ year clause. IE if you stay together 10 years or longer, the lien ends as you’d have gotten full life use of the kitchen.
(I’m also a former finish carpenter/ cabinet guy. Whatever you do, do not buy the particle board cabinets. The plywood boxes will cost more, but they will last 15+ years where as the cheapest may only last 5.
Poor guy, I feel bad for your husband after reading these Reddit comments. I don’t think he meant any harm.
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I agree with this. A lot of people don’t become friends after breaking up, but some do and it can be normal and healthy.
Do you know why they broke up? To me this is important. If they just grew apart / fell out of love, I wouldn’t worry. If it wasn’t mutual from either side, they probably need some more time apart before transitioning to friends.
And he is upset at you? If anything he should be talking to his brother.
That’s the epitome of gaslighting.
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Is it worth it trying to make a last stand and seeking honesty and truth about what caused them to change, or should I just run for the hills to cover my ass and not look back? It seems like I'm unable to stand up for myself. Like I'm so out of touch with everything other then the relationship but I'm not even in tune with that. Merry Christmas by the way!
Well I think being honest is kind of paramount if you want the relationship to have a chance. I'd sit her down and say
“hey I love how this is going but I dont move as fast as you – we seem to be reading the same book, I'm just a few chapters behind. Can we just take the pressure off for us to be at the same speed for awhile?”
Any girl worth her salt should be able to accept that folks move at different speeds.if you experience a bad reaction from her, after trying to explain your truth then that would be a concern.sometimes folks get embarrassed if their partner doesn't experience the same feels at the same time, so she might feel little offended at first, but given a day or two to mull it over she should really be ok with you guys just getting on with being together and enjoying the time,without putting pressure on to hear special words or make big promises.
One of my daughters dated 3 guys, one after the other, each of whom began to talk futures and make big promises really early on, none of them was actually capable of an adult relationship. Couldn't handle the nitty gritty.
Slowing things down will really help you guys build a stronger foundation.
If you are serious about considering this person long term,then you cant be honest enough, early enough. The right person will be able to move at your speed with you. It's not like you've been dating 10 years and are drip feeding her the idea of an engagement. You guys have only been together 5 months, you arent asking her to put herself on hold for years,you are literally just asking for time to catch your breath.
Things will not get better in your relationship as he does not want to talk on issues rather, he gets angry as a tactic to get you stopped talking on any matter. Saving nudes and talking to them fall into the category of cheating so consider this as a full cheating. He does not want to have sex with you as he gets that satisfaction from talking to them and masturbating so this would also not get better.
Here it seems that you want to stay with him because you guys have a child together but this is no a good reason to stay together as child will get negative energy between you two and this will do more harm than good in a long run. You should think about ending this unhappy relationship so you can find a new guy who is for you and with whom you can be happy. You are still young so you would not find any difficulties in finding a new boyfriend. If you continue with him then you know you are the one who is choosing to live a miserable life with him that you do not deserve.
i’m literally a real person, just as you are, even though we are communicating via the internet lmao. still. he is literally her parent. this is how it is with toddlers. now that’s not to say that all parents absolutely love having a small kid glued to them all the time but like this is common knowledge. there’s plenty of memes and discussion out there about parents not even getting to go to the bathroom by themselves when they have a young child. it won’t be like that forever but it’s not your place to tell him how to parent. either tolerate it and wait it out until she’s old enough to have some independence or leave
English is not my main language but here are my 2ct. She took a chance and now she know she made a mistake. Everyone can make mistakes and it happens. But I would question myself did she learned from it, why do she think she made a mistake and what can she guarantee you that it won’t happen again. Every story has two sides and we don’t know yours and how your relationship was with her besides what you are telling us.
One thing though when someone cheats it’s mostly because they are seeking something that is missing and want to fill that part up. When you guys where happy she was missing something. My 2ct is…..getting back together is wishful thinking. Being friends that is something that could be possible. Then again, it’s your life. Good luck.
It's easy to say you cheated because you were unhappy. Most of the time that isn't true.
People cheat because the new relationship is exciting, the old one has hit a flat spot. You chased the peak. Nothing pushes you to the peak like a toxic relationship.
Without knowing you're story I will take a guess on what happened.
New guy was kinda a bad boy. You engaged while telling yourself I will never do this or that, but slowly you did this and that. During this time you picked at the seams of your relationship. Finally a catalyst pushed a decision, you choose excitement and newness over comfortable, stable and boring.
This idea that you made a mistake started slowly and it likely a contributing factor in the toxicity of the new relationship.
Once again you start to compare the two, only this time your ex was coming out on top.
Again its easy to think you had you ex boyfriend as a backup, its likely not true.
I believe a part of you maintained contact because you knew you would go back, or attempt. I doubt he was your backup, you probably didn't even realize what you were doing, but you simply couldn't cut contact.
Now, don't confuse my point, I absolutely don't think you should engage with your ex. You are as toxic to him as this over guy was to you. I honestly don't think you will withstand the fallout from the damage you caused. Your comments lead me to believe you will break this guys heart again.
No contact is what best for him, if you care for him leave him alone. Let him heal and move on pass this.
Go back to Florida and be happy.
Your continued and consistent comment on here of “I’ll never love again nor look at another woman” is a red flag for your life that you see things in black and white and also possibly have the mindset of a child
Not at all, I told her I was running my own company (which I had been doing concurrently with my job). I had already planned to quit and go full time (even hiring a couple employees) but the economy took a turn.
My own company unfortunately didn't work out and I had to go full time on my day job (which is quite prestigious and high paying – definitely more high paying than starting a company). However, I was embarrassed about my company failing and was hoping that I'd be able to somehow recover it. I guess lying was my way of making the stakes higher on myself so I would finally go full time on my own company.
I told her that I was managing a couple employees (who I'd actually already let go when I shut down the company) while I was actually working my day job and desperately trying to find customers at night.
I told her that I'd quit my job (my real job that I still hold to this day), to start my company, but later told her another lie that I'd rejoined the company. I thought she would leave me because I failed but she was supportive and didn't even bat an eye. I fucked up.
My partner of 8 years has HSV-1 genitally because an ex gave him oral at the very beginning of an outbreak. She felt symptoms coming on, but did it anyway. He now has to deal with it for the rest of his life.
Many people who are infected NEVER have symptoms- in fact most don't, but for the ones that do, it can be incredibly difficult both mentally and physically, to manage.
Take heart – I do not have HSV, even after over 8 years together with unprotected sex. It isn't a foregone conclusion that you will get it by any means.
However, in terms of your GF – she had shown you who she really is. She had no concern for your health and safety. I would seriously consider whether that is the kind of relationship you want long term.
I've been cheated on four times. I'd much rather be cheated on again than a physical beating, any day of the week.
Therapy would be my go to. You get out of it what you put in.
I’d start looking for another therapist.
How bout a female trainer
Girl you are in such deep denial. I hope you get help.