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Date: October 22, 2022
Sorry but your family are a bunch of leeches. I would have no problem telling them that. Tell them if they want to remain a part of your life to not expect anything from your boyfriend. Sorry to tell you but your friends and family are trash.
You are a grown adult she is not your mom she is your partner. If smoking weed is leisure activity you enjoy doing then I don’t see why you should stop. You use it responsibly and there’s no reason for her project her past issues into you.
Sorry but your family are a bunch of leeches. I would have no problem telling them that. Tell them if they want to remain a part of your life to not expect anything from your boyfriend. Sorry to tell you but your friends and family are trash.
OP, you get annoyed but that’s the situation you are creating.
It’s possible she’s innocent, the only way to know would be a paternity test. There really isn’t anything else to be advised here.
23 year old men have relatively short attention spans, give it to January or start withholding and he'll cave
She wasn’t joking.
These are classic symptoms of Binge Eating Disorder. The doctor and nutritionist will certainly help, but she needs to find different coping mechanisms. I would recommend she see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders.
It may explain the behavior but it is not an excuse. He is responsible to deal with his own feelings and fears. That doesn't happen by accusing and controlling you.
And I'd like to see you file papers because your SO didn't immediately hand over their phone because some rando claims he saw you cheat once.
huh? My wife has access to my phone whenever she wants it. I trust my partner in life with all my material possessions. You're sentence doesn't make sense. Did i cheat or did she?
But that's also why I married someone who doesn't make ridiculous demands and respects my privacy.
Thats one way of putting it.
Also, how is “show me your phone or we're done” anything but confrontational?
That was the 3rd step in the process.
Step 1. Who is X,
Step 2. Do you still talk with X,
Step 3. You are leaving without finishing this conversation. I cant help but think you are hiding something on your phone. If you leave without me seeing your phone i think we both know we are done here.
Thats been pretty clear in the thread. Alas….
*your
Thanks bud, i didnt realize i was so clearly in the wrong before. I can admit my mistake.
3 takeaways, 1. Youre not over her and its painfully obvious. 2. Broke up 3 yrs ago but theyve been together for 2.5. She was cheating on you homie and already had that 2nd stringer up on deck. 3. With how wishy washy you're being its pretty clear why she broke up with you in the first place. Chicks dog confidence. If you had it youd accept the invite and bang a bridesmaid or her sister/mother.
Oh, been there done that. The hygiene was one of many problems. Trust me, you’ll be better off with someone who values the kind critiques and showers on their own so that you don’t have to tell them to.
Hi OP. The question is do you want that situation? It doesn’t matter if some people make it work or don’t. What matters is what do you want. You love your husband but can you accept that you’re not the only woman in his life. Can you deal with the disrespect of cheating and how he’s forcing you to choose. Personally this isn’t behavior I’d look for in a partner. Yeah, you’ve been married awhile and it’d be hot but would you really want to subject yourself to the years of future emotional and me tal trauma from knowing you aren’t the only one or feeling like you weren’t enough.
I never understand why people try to do this. It’s normal and ok to be curious and want to branch out (especially in the scenario of being with the same person since middle/high school) but it’s not ok to make someone “wait” for you or provide the rewards or benefits of a relationship to you when you don’t want to reciprocate. Just say you want to see what’s out there, and if y’all were really meant to be then your paths will cross again with no hot feelings. Usually that doesn’t happen tho and the two parties either find “the one” or don’t. I recommend just a clean breakup, don’t continue speaking or hanging out bc that will complicate things and prolong the pain. Let her be free and go be free yourself
What a disgusting comment. You don’t seem to far off from OPs boyfriend
Just remember your first doesn't have to be your last
wait few more years.
I mean….. she probably already was.
Lots of cheaters try the “let's be poly” after they cheat, to make it less bad. They just kind of ignore that they “did poly things” before you agreed to be poly with them.
That’s creepy and your bio about “moderating” her interactions with men is also creepy
Fuck that. Get him those stickers (usually for children) for the loo that he can aim for.
God, really? Do they have a term for everything now?
Plz god forgive me for lol at “his balls were only near her face for like 2 seconds.”
22-24 weeks is where viability is generally placed. The Guinness world record for the youngest preemie to ever survive is 21 weeks and 1 day. 20 weeks is not a viable fetus.
Be honest…after your vasectomy did you provide the requisite samples and get the all-clear for online? Some guys skip this and think they’re all good after a few weeks, but I can tell you from experience, it can take a whole lot longer than you think or it normally would to actually get the pipes cleared. If my ex and I were relying on the passage of a certain amount of time post/vasectomy rather than actually getting samples tested, we would have been 100% SCREWED. Took him over TWICE as long to clear as “average”.
However, if you got the all-clear via sample testing…that baby isn’t yours. Don’t worry about a damn thing until you (dis)establish paternity.
Have you seen this baby? Being that premature they would be record breaking for surviving.
Get a paternity test before agreeing to ANYTHING. And honestly, I doubt her story all together. A baby at 16-20 weeks gestation is unable to survive, even in NICU. I’m willing to bet she’s lying, either about the existence of this child or the baby is older and not yours.
yeah seems like some made up fanfiction trying to push the “trans predator” narrative
Its a weird world we live in.
As a guy, I’m curious if anyone knows how to stop those from coming up in the first place? I know one option is to just follow a bunch of things you like and stay with that. But if you want to find new stuff you have to do the for you and it seems inevitable that these videos will pop up. It’s almost impossible to avoid. I wish there was a way to block or remove that content.
She literally is using you for citizenship and it doesn’t really sound like she cares for your daughter either if she wants to go online with some Other guy. You need to face reality for Your daughter sake
I didn’t talk to anyone on my dating apps after a good first date, unless the second date tanked. It just didn’t feel right to me, for some reason?
But also, all my first dates were shit except the first date with my now-husband.
If you're worried about it, it's worth talking about it. At least that way you'll have a better understanding about where things stand.
Horrible situation. But really you should have never agreed to or accepted it in the beginning when you weren't comfortable with it bc now it's going to be impossible to go back to normal. If you never allowed it in the first place he would know and respect the limit. That being said, he should still respect your decision regardless, especially because you tried it FOR HIM and it didn't work, but it's just easier said than done because he's already gotten a taste of it. I think he doesn't respect you and he's gaslighting the crap out of you. Although, the girls shouldn't suffer bc of it. Maybe you can hold it out for a few more years till they're off to college, that's an option, and in the meantime accept that it's over and open up your options with genuine dating (not casual sex affairs that leave you unfulfilled).
If you're worried about it, it's worth talking about it. At least that way you'll have a better understanding about where things stand.
Can't you open up the relationship so you can enjoy your higher sex drive?
You either take the test now or a court is going to. Your behaviour has earned his distrust. Take a blood test now happily and maybe save your relationship.
Don’t change for any one
It’s his right to not be interested in some sexual acts. Everyone have things they’re not willing to do in bed and that is fine. Just cause you and your partner enjoy it doesn’t mean he want to partake in it.
Unless you’re advocating for his gf to force him on his stomach and rape him? He said NO. Get over yourself
So you knew his wishes, and you went against them. My brother committed suicide at 22. After that, my parents were having a naked time raising me as a teenager while dealing with their grief, so they went to therapy to learn how to parent through this. My sister and I love my parents and know they did their best. See a therapist and genuinely try to learn. That’s the only way I ever think your daughter would reconsider.
My wife and I share a Reddit
Honestly, you should let him go. You seem too attached to your family and what they think. Just the fact that you are seriously considering breaking up because your father says so is proof enough this is not going to work. seek some therapy/ deprogramming classes afterwards it would help i think.
So I've cut out the whiskey besides weekends and she was fine with me having a beer throughout the week from what she wanted.
Leave your number for him on your last day ?
Do you post things that other men like?
Western girls are good for fun and fucking but parents won’t approve. Girlfriend material.
Then they go marry someone their parents picked out as wife material.
Does his friend have family? Just your presence at his bedside will lift his spirits. I can’t imagine being 18 and sick with little hope for getting better. It’s very sad. And you are very observant and smart to see the connection between your BF’s actions and how it reflects on his personality. It spill over into other parts of his life for sure.
My friend married an Indian man (she is Australian) they got married in Australia and then had a big Sikh wedding in India, but I am aware this is not always the case and as stated above it is quite common for him to go home and have an arranged marriage
You don't have to beat yourself up. Just try and talk to him. See how he feels and if there's something you can do to help him. It will be well received, and you may resolve the issue.
End the relationship, what ur comfortable with is important and clearly ur not comfortable with him discipling his child the way he sees fit. If u can't handle it then move onto a SAFER relationship that u don't have to make bs demands about his parenting style. U guys act like every child is the same when nobody is the same, ur empathy and sympathy only comes into play when it fits ur own moral views and it's pathetic. It's up to the parent on how they discipline their children, what works n what doesn't and it is not up to u just cuz u had a bad experience which sorry u were abused by ur father but ur bad experience does not give u a right to dictate others actions just cuz something went bad in ur past for u. Get out of the relationship and find someone who thinks like u cuz it seems ur more comfortable being with someone who is the SAME as u. Stop dictating and just find someone who's on ur level.
I mean, you are pretty much saying its justifiable as long as you don't see it…
You know his wife more than we do, do you think she would be ok with her husband getting caught about to cheat while she’s home alone pregnant? If not then tell her.
I've read some of the comments and yes, pregnancy causes wild hormonal changes and emotions to run high and people feel mental, but it's not an excuse for screwing around with your partner's emotions. That's toxic, pregnant or not.
I would be horrified if I treated my partner terribly and just went “oh, sorry, haha, hormones!” It's one thing to cry because you ran out of your favourite food, or you partner didn't say the right thing, or you need a few night's alone, but it's another to be so naked and cold so quickly, and just leaving them worried and baffled.
OP, I don't know if there's more to this or not, like for instance the context of the fight, but you two need to do some real communicating rather than her ignoring you, whether or not you two are together. I wouldn't do it straight away, but a discussion of what you two want needs to be had sooner rather than later (when the baby's born). If you two aren't together, do you want to be included during scans and appointments? Do you want to be included in the shopping? Who's going to provide what? Should your side of the family be included in things like a baby shower? Living situations, the arrangement straight after the baby's born etc. There's a lot to still be considered.
Try thinking ahead about what you might say.
Also is there any “inside” jokes you can replay?
People like to laugh, but its ok to just talk about stuff too.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with addressing what you want, so i would say that you should go for it and ask him that question.
If he doesn't like it, he will let you know.
Either way you win, you won't waste your precious time and so will he.
Girl f*ck that!!!! Go to school and tell someone! You don’t owe your mother anything, she’s not trying to protect you at all!!! Run away! Don’t go back, make sure you tell anyone that will listen!!!
Hot to say. Ask her on a date.
First, as a woman, the more you shave the faster, the hair grows. Shaving every day unless you’re heavy woman it’s not necessary at all. I don’t know about every two months, but I used to do it once a week. Until lasering. But tell him the more that you shave the faster, the hair grows
Report her to IG and block. It's probably a dude sending you this.
You’re single, go ahead whenever you feel you have room for potentially meeting someone new.
After break ups it’s very useful with a period of no contact (at least a month), it helps with processing and getting space to move on properly.
Honestly if he won't even speak to you on the phone it's unlikely he will ever feel comfortable enough to meet you. If he is comfortable enough to call his friends he should call you. The fact he did it at the start but won't now, 'not being comfortable speaking English ' doesn't really make sense.
Its taking its toll on you, so you really need to look deep and decide if you can mentally handle this if it doesn't change anytime soon.
Thank you! Any advice on how to leave (especially for someone with an anxious attachment style)?
damn..
Yes, this struck me as well. I get it, shes 19 and everything feels very serious and like forever…but girl, you aren’t basically family.
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I love this. Thank you. This is why I came to reddit. We started discus this tonight and we’re going to talk about how we action it together.
As a woman in STEM who used to date a guy like yours, girl…. You're in denial. He straight up said women are less intelligent than men. It doesn't get more direct than that. Also, saying that “every woman… BUT you” isn't the supportive compliment you think it is.
And of course he hasn't shown any indicating red flags… so far. Its only been a few months! You probably have condiments in your fridge older than your relationship. But now he has shown you a glimpse into his mindset, and it is not good. Imagine the stuffs he will say once you're deeper in. A couple more months. Years. When you have your daughter. Etc.
Anyhow, if you have to post on Reddit about this, you seem to have already had some feelers about your future with this guy. Trust your guts. Don't try to minimize what was said, don't try to overlook it as inconsequential, and don't make excuses for why he has the mindset he does.
Good luck.
it is the reverse…if you are living together and not married, should be 50/50.
Once married, % of earnings should be taken into consideration….so if 1 partner earns 70 to 30 of the other then that js how the bills should be split.
You are both responsible for yourself…why should he pay,for you?
Verbal eventually becomes physical. Just saying
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But there is no evidence of him being an “abuser”
His behavior is absolutely verbal and emotional abuse.
Don’t think your grasp of English is fully there.
Did you look up “narcissism” in your native language?
There's a lot of guys who are homophobic towards men but are completely fine with women being queer….usually because they think maybe they could get a threesome or they find it's naked to think about two women together.
Free stuff from guys that are interested in them ? And what did they give in return ?? Your grandmother doesn’t see that for what it is?
I think everyone defending the therapist is kinda gaslighting you. Everything you describe except maybe the text messages (most appointment reminders these days are automated, so a personal text is still a tad weird) is either boundary pushing, invasive, or both.
What credentials or training does she have? Has she graduated from an accredited program?
It’s worth looking into these questions. There’s a pretty big power imbalance between therapist and client, it’s important the clinician behaves is responsibly in their role.
What. Who the heck only rents places during the week.
Why isn't your partner able to help?
She looked like she didn’t like the part where I said that her texting delays caused me anxiety. She REALLY didn’t like that it implied that it’s her fault. It seems like it only made it worse because I described in great detail how anxious I would get when waiting for a reply. And that people around me were surprised I tolerated that.
I mean…it isn't your fault. You and your ex barely knew each other, you're only a few weeks in….and you were already trying to change her, expected her to text more often, cater around your anxiety.
Really puts into perspective how dumb it was that I've worked two separate instances under different couples, who were founders of the companies, and actively fought and yelled about relationship issues in the office, then reprimand me for even raising my voice about a work issue. Never again. Lol. Damn I was stupid.
You’re getting great advice and you’re putting yourself in circles with the same response. I was sexually coerced in a very sexually abusive relationship. I had ptsd from that relationship. Don’t do that to yourself it’s not love if guilt is making you do something you don’t want to do. Were you hoping for a different response? Different advice? We’re not gonna tell you what you want to hear. This is a screwed up situation. He doesn’t love you or keeping your wants and desires in mind. Just his. If he loved you this wouldn’t be a question. It’s incredibly selfish. I don’t think you came for advice you came to hear what you wanted to hear. Go ahead put yourself into an coercive sexual relationship. I was too dumb to see it coming since I was 21-23.
I wish someone said this to me: “If you don’t want too, no man no person no form or matter of “love” would make you feel or guilted into doing anything you didn’t want to do or coerced into doing it. That’s not love that’s control.”
Does he gaslight you into questioning your own memories or downplay everything you do to make it look like he was in the better?
Yes? You’re dating scum no better than the rot in a corpses mouth.
The cute gestures my partner does for me are personal. I don’t need to immediately text all my friends to brag about it.
I am afraid to say..he’s now your ex.
It sounds like you’re the one sidelining yourself in these occasions. She’s inviting you to join her with her brother and their friends… she wants you around and wants to make memories with you. If she wanted to make “her own” memories and sideline you, she would just not invite you.
YOU’RE the one sidelining her. If you so desperately want to make friends with these new guys, invite her to join you at the banquet so all the people you enjoy being around can het to know each other and celebrate together.
Unfortunately you’re onto something. They probably think that they are “fair”. They’ve always made weird decisions with their finances. Like not “having enough money” (they’re upper middle class) to go visit my dad’s sick mom for years but then magically having enough to go to her funeral once she was gone. It never makes sense.
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You've probably discovered one of the many reasons her ex broke up with her.
In my culture, it's normal for a guest to be waited on, but not to the extent you're describing. Leaving wrappers around, glasses/plates and food on the floor/furniture is not good guest behaviour, and a good guest will at least try to entertain with conversation while the hosts are cooking and cleaning the dishes.
Aside from that, you really should invest on a dishwasher. It's such a game changer.
I cheated the first month we were dating. I told him I did a week later. I told him details on what occured after he proposed.
Good. Okay now we're getting somewhere.
Okay u had sex early December, when was the last time u had communication with him, I mean him responding to texts or calls.
Yes good, he still slept with u. Another possibility could be that the person he wants to sleep with wasn't ready tho. OR that he wasn't having these issues of going soft tho too.
What’s your issue with the birth control? It’s weird that you felt the need to comment on that.
This is awful and I'm really sorry.
I remember when, after giving birth, the raging infection I got at the hospital just wouldn't go away. The doc I was seeing at the time tried to say my partner gave me an std. I didn't believe her because I do, thankfully, have someone I can trust. I eventually gave in just to shut her up and surprise, surprise, still negative. I ended up leaving her for another doctor who helped me get it cleared after about a year and a half.
I'm warning you about that because with you having an infection while pregnant you could be at higher risk. Be at high alert for any sign, and fight for treatment. I almost died and ended up with internal scarring so can't ever carry again. The health system in the US is terrifying, especially if you are female and there's pregnancy involved whether you are currently pregnant or it was fairly recent. They care more about that than anything else.
That's not a provocation…
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What would you wait for? She is lying and the only reason she had to lie is to cheat.
I wouldn’t euthanise. But there’s no second chances. Muzzles on for walks in any kind of crowded area. No other pets and locked away if anyone small comes over. It’s euthanise or treat it as a dangerous dog bc that is what it is. No going back to being the “family” dog after that
You have nothing to feel guilty about once a dog attacks unprovoked like this to the point of death it should automatically be put down.
There is a point in darkening your skin where you are no longer tanning, you’re literally just blackening yourself. It’s called blackfishing. Please google the term and educate yourself on the damage blackfishing causes and why it’s wrong.
You've had to hit her in the head with a pillow, pull her hair, and stand up to get her to stop.
She knows. She knows and she laughs.
She doesn't care. She's amused by your pain.
Maybe but there was another post that this reminds me of where the wife found out the husband had an apartment and had a girlfriend living in it. I don’t remember all of the details but she drove up to his family cabin to confront him about it.
?
Not really. I think it sounds really harsh. Especially as the issue hasn’t even been addressed yet. Ya he brushed it off a couple times but they haven’t talked about this for real at all.
this isn’t normal relationship
What isn't normal is yelling at you for wanting to talk about that. It's absolutely normal to talk about frustrations with work/friends while in a relationship. Especially a marriage.
Real talk: I don't know if I'd be able to stay with someone like this. Granted I'm not married but I would absolutely dump my GF.
Seems like a pointless lie., so I don't believe it's likely. 40/41 is also pretty late to have a 2 yr old first child after being together that long.
I do what your wife does as an abuse response. When i used to make my intentions or wants known I would have my ass beat or would be screamed at, for things as “terrible” as wanting less salt.
She is not trying to manipulate you. She is trying to make her intentions known if she deems it is safe to do so and won't result in a melt down on your end.
Now I can totally see how this might drive a non abused person nuts, but it's not malicious. It's hot wired for many people to assume literally any situation no matter how mundane has a high enough threat level that we must proceed with caution.
It’s not just untrustworthy it’s disrespectful. Say your goodbyes and move on to better things. You might feel sad at first but you will realize eventually that He’s not worth it.
I’m not messing anyone here I’m facing something in my life and I’ll like your opinion to see is my feelings are right or wrong I have no need to seek other woman
Unfortunately, it really sounds like you two are not romantically compatible. You both want and need different things from a relationship, so keeping it up is just going to make you both miserable or resentful in the future.
Honestly neither of them would fight me for her. She’s said she’d sign her legal rights away and I’m 100% sure mark would in a heartbeat. I’m not really sure if it’s more complicated than that though. I mostly just wanna keep things where they are until Veronica turns 18.
It's in her comments, really should be in the main post because the double standard is definitely not cool.
I’m not looking to rant, I asked how I should proceed after giving you guys the back story of what happened.
It's not unfaithful to think thoughts when you masturbate. Masturbation and your fantasies are *private*. You're misapplying the truism “don't do anything you wouldn't tell your partner” to an area of life that you alone own, that doesn't belong to your partner or your shared life in any way (caveat: aside from porn addictions and so on). Jerking off is private. You don't have to disclose nor should you feel guilty about it.
It's difficult almost to the point of impossibility for college students to keep a long distance relationship together unless it's something built over a matter of years (as in it started in high school), and even then it's pretty very hot. In this case it just doesn't seem like you and she have managed to put together any real kind of foundation for this. At least not anything that would make it worth it for her to limit her social life in the way one has to do while in a “relationship”. She probably likes you and would date you if you were local. But to expect someone to forsake all others and skip the usual campus party culture over an online exchange and one brief in person meeting is probably too much. But our opinions don't matter, only hers does and she's made that clear. Your only options now are to stay in touch with her on an ostensibly platonic basis or to choose not to even do that. It's up to you.
He’s a freeloader get rid of him.
He’s a freeloader get rid of him.
He’s a freeloader get rid of him.
Neg?
That is something you should speak out. Sit her down and let her know that you want to have a serious conversation with her. When her sweat builds up, it smells a little. Suggest she look into different deodorants or maybe shower daily. If people think your girlfriend smells bad that’s something you need to address to her. It makes you both kinda look bad
Ok so 80% of men and 93% of women still stay with their sick partner. This to me paints a less bleak picture.
I mean, some can be uncomfortable, but the idea that there are none out there that fit comfortably is absurd.
Not too interested in your estimation of my work especially as it's obviously strongly influenced by this bone you have to pick with me. My work gets plenty attention and good feedback from people who actually have the first clue about art, as you've seen from my profile.
If it helps, you can imagine my tiger with a mohawk, opposable thumbs and a giant set of tits, since that seems to be your thing lmaoo
Ehhh most orthodox/extremist interpretations of religion are like that. Hasidic Judaism, hardcore Catholicism, the random Christian megachurches, they're are all about women being subservient to men.
The issue isn't the religion, it's the fact that the religion is a convenient excuse for sexists/racists/homophobes etc. to act like they aren't responsible for their affirmative and continuing choice to be shitty humans. I know many Muslims who manage to observe the core tenets of their faith without being sexist or misogynistic about it. He's just a garden variety douchebag using faith to justify his douchebagginess.
Leave a note on his door at work in his locker at school make a dummy ig or Facebook account or just send him a DM from someone else's account
A fornicating Christian with a porn addiction trying to nag and pressure you into his religion? Perhaps he should consider practicing what he preaches before proselytizing to others. Any way, I personally would not tolerate that. If he is such a Christian then he should also know brow beating some one into going through the motions of converting is a darn waste of time if they do not believe. In it in their mind. I would tell him very firmly he is not to bother you about it ever again unless YOU are the one wanting to convert, and if he can’t accept you as you are now in your own beliefs or lack of, then don’t let the door hit him where the good lord split him.
Bro you know she did! Dude was probably having a panic attack and he already said he couldn't get hot and they kept “trying to include him” but she seriously couldn't tell he was not into it?
Yes, this is abuse, and it is escalating, which it will continue to do.
Please, leave. He is abusive mentally, verbally and physically.
They’re just working on their starter marriages, it’s ok to skip this stage.
I met my husband when we were both 32. A lot of friends and relatives had already been married and divorced by then.
How would he react if the roles were reversed?
The justice system considers the fear of physical violence, and violence to be the same thing. He threw something at you, you have only his word that he meant to miss.
OMG – not acceptable – find someone who values YOU. You should come first – then extended family (maybe) friends even best friends are on down the line.
Let him read these comments – then cut your losses and be gone! He absolutely does not deserve you when he spends money on another female —-nope nope nope
End it…it’s over.
Man I feel for him. He is probably happy but behind his back his girl is cheating and is not willing to tell him
I feel the same about the other posters. You poor guys. Big hugs
Sorry maybe I should’ve been clearer about that, he hasn’t asked for my number yet and is only talking through LinkedIn. I was wondering why he hasn’t asked for my number yet if he is flirting
He’s a predator.
You need to wake up. Your sister should take precedence right now.
Pack your bags and go be with her.
Block him on everything.
Yeah… not worth the drama.
She sounds like an idiot. Not surprised a lot of high schoolers are. Break up with her, it’s not worth it and it’s only been 3 months.
They want what they can’t have. Then hitting on you is cause to report them to HR.
Desperate for an apartment and Porsche that is not yours. Gross
Don’t go and pay nothing towards the trip. He wants to go with his mom, he funds the entire thing. I am hoping you have separate finances so you can make that happen. Chances are the trip won’t happen if you aren’t funding it. Also, really think about this relationship. He may say no to it it now, but this woman will likely end up either visiting for an extended period of time or moving in completely. Do you want that fight 5 years from today?
You say your bf is great but you also notice all the wrong stuff he does? Those are two opposing things, he’s either great or he does a lot of wrong shit, which is it?
All that can be offered is really just speculation regarding what happened. You should reach out to family/friends to help move on. Distract yourself in a way.
This is also classic abusers behaviour, having mental health issues doesn’t give you the right to treat others badly. Self harming isn’t a get out of jail free card for verbal abuse. You say you’ve all been to therapy, your therapist must have said this to you all. Your twin needs to have a fork, clear and consistent approach from you all. “We love you but we are not putting up with this behaviour, if you want to spend time with us you need to treat us better “. Stick to it. Or you’ll spend the rest of your life like this. She isn’t just going to wake up one day and be nice.
No i don't. Precisely why I asked the question, since he's not mentioning anything he does at home apart from getting groceries.
The only red flag is on her, thinking 40k remaining debt on a freshly renovated, owned home is “not thinking things through financially”.
„Friends“ is a bit much after two weeks. And idk your definition of seeing someone but maybe they were just flirting because both of them were single.We don’t know the circumstances. I, however, wouldn’t tell someone my entire business after TWO WEEKS. Especially after meeting on a dating app.
What about this is a gift?
You are paying for it.
You have to drive the two of you there.
You said you didn't really wanna go.
What about this is a present at all?
Sounds like your shitty wife is making your birthday about her, just like she makes everything about her.
Why are you with this woman?
I think you need to come to terms and accept that you may not be the right partner for him. Holding him hostage through guilt isn't right. I agree with him that a free pass is not a good idea. This is tough, and I am sorry you're going through this. But I think you need to put yourself in his shoes and try to imagine the turmoil he must be facing.
Hi, thanks for the time you have taken to read and reply :). No as far as I know I have not crossed any boundary. I have not touched or flirted with anyone and when a card game was started which contained questions about rating your sex life, i responded I would not comment out of respect for my relationship and this wad the point where I left the party. I genuinely enjoyed myself and had a lot of fun, yet I do not desire to go party again with this group.
I agree with you that bf is expiercing some sort of after party anxiety. I have asked him things like hey babe it sounds like you are not ok with me going in hindsight what can i do make you feel more secure, but he denies. What do you mean by setting boundaries?
Pretty sure I’d wonder more about why it was kept a secret for so long. It would cause mistrust. Like is there more going on, and I’m just finding out now about the kiss? Something like this needs to be shared with OPs husband.
It’s like if your partner cheated. Not that OP did, this is on BIL. Would you want to online with them continue to build your life knowing they aren’t loyal then find out later? His brother betrayed him by doing this and he has the right to know.
My partner wants me to rule out ever living anywhere else (besides the city we are in) ever again.
That's not fair, that's ridiculous.
Was probably “just” flirting, having relationships with others and sexting people. You know no big deal/s ??♀️
Do you plan to online together after marriage, or wver for thst matter? If yes, then do nit marry before living together for at least a year without major breaks. It will show everything you need to know about him and your relationship. You might think you don't need this, but you.
It's always wirrying when your partner is disintrested in finding time to meet you, especially in LDR.
He got sick 2 weeks ago. Some people recover fast and some people don’t. Why can’t u go see him?
Of course you should.
They are! It's like human broth. Gross
I’d breakup then and there
He said that to the therapist, not to you. It's something he's keeping private from you because he wants to support you, he doesn't want you to have an abortion, but he also doesn't want to force you to have a baby when you're not ready. He's allowed to mourn the baby that won't happen, and he's trying to do that without upsetting you. He sounds like a keeper!
Did you even discuss this with him? Or was it just I am getting an abortion! Many times you grow up and think if you ever get pregnant before marriage etc you would 100% get an abortion. However, when you are actually in the situation , it’s not so black and white. It should be something you at least discuss so you know how he feels and are ok with the damage it may cause your relationship before you do something permanent to y’all’s child. It’s your choice but it’s also his baby that is being aborted too.
Thanks, the bottle of vodka nxt to me is taking god care of me
Yea. Hopefully you figure out what you need. It just doesn’t really sound like he’s that into you.
Yeah, that's a good point. I assumed he was wanting to go part-time. I don't think anyone should have work more than 40-50 hours to feed their family. If the country isn't going to change to make wages livable, then the other spouse needs to go to work unless there are truly no other financially feasible options for childcare.
She’s commented on a few other things that she does not like
and those would be?
When I have issues with my boyfriend, I bring them up.
What are those issues?
Buy headphones
Could it be a neighbor that is concerned? I'm thinking since he works from home, a neighbor might have seen the other party coming over when you are at work.
If that's the case, then her friends are huge fucking assholes for knowing she's in a dangerous situation, has a boyfriend, and just let this fuckface touch her.
Yes, this is great. None of that “tell me why it’s funny” or whatever passive response
My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we had to move the wedding up as fast as possible so she could be involved, we were already engaged at this time and lost a lot more people together. It doesn’t matter really when we got married because I know deep down that she’s my my soulmate and that I’m hers. I would have married her the day I met her if I could have. They pecked each other on the lips very quickly. They didn’t make out
“A 50 year old man shouldn't be romantically interested in a woman who was 27 when she was born”
You can fuck right off with that statement, who are you to tell people who to desire? And if they're both willing, what's the issue?
What a silly opinion to have.
Unquestionable loyalty is something everyone should have in a relationship. But, BUT a lot of your behavior (the social media stalking and questioning her for not talking during her lunch breaks) can come off as very smothering. My ex did this stuff to me and I was nothing but faithful, for over a decade, and the paranoia got so bad he started accusing me of sleeping with family members. If you don't trust the person, or if they're not accommodating your needs in a relationship then you have every right to leave, and you should, but one should also make sure the other person's needs are accommodated as well.
I honestly feel that the way your relationship with her started is what planted a lot of these concerns and accusations, you said she had a boyfriend when you two first started talking so maybe that should've been the red flag, ya know?
You're a socially awkward/unaware virgin that's only had one female friend, according to you. What girls are knocking on your door for hookups? And going on a few dates does not make you guys exclusive anyways, unless that was explicitly discussed. And I recommend going on dates, if you can get any now, because you clearly don't know how to talk to or interact with women and it would be good practice. And, also, probably the only way you'd get laid. NOT BY ASKING THEM. But organically through getting to know a girl better.
You seem to genuinely love him and enjoy his company, not knowing why he doesn’t really have friends. Firstly you guys seem like a cute couple and really have the best time hanging out together!
Second of all, I feel like when you are an adult it can be harder to make close friendships, it’s more like acquaintances and regulars you speak to at work. It’s OK to not be friends with your coworkers.
It’s also better to have fewer very close friends/ one best friend versus having a lot of random friends and acquaintances you don’t really care about. Quality over quantity!
I’m sorry to hear he gets excluded and doesn’t really have friends, I feel for him because I can relate hot. But also understand nobody is obligated to be his friend, and your family might not want to annoy him by making him do so many DIY projects – I’d feel bad too I wouldn’t want to waste their time. People come and go, but as long as you two stick together you’ll be fine!
Why did you marry someone who isnt compatible with you sexually?
Since you both snore you should both get checked for sleep apnea
Wait. “He would not give me money”…. You said you work full time? Where's your money?
Is he controlling all the money?
Y’all both need a sleep study and ear plugs.
Vasectomies can sometimes fail. It’s rare but congratulations
Because he wants to avoid conflict…! He's already said thiiiiis
Even though that's a straight up admission of wrongdoing because if he knows it's going to cause conflict with her, he knows she isn't okay with his behaviour. He's violating her boundaries on purpose and then concealing it because “it would just lead to a fight”.
might will
This isn't about gut feelings. I'm kind of getting tired of that phrase. Sounds so Dubya-ish. The gut is wrong a lot.
This here is logic. His behavior isn't a red flag; it's a full police convoy with sirens howling. You're so much less important than his ex that he'll choose her pictures over you and attack you to defend them.
…..
One more thing. Back to the gut. Your feelings are leading you to guys who are potentially violent. It might be time to look at behavior+history and then make logical decisions based on evidence.