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Room for online sex video chat agathabell_
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Date: October 22, 2022
Why haven't you blocked his number?
Sounds like he’s self sabotaging.
He thinks he’s helping himself but he’s focusing on someone else.
Nothing good happens from those questions.
Tell him: “That is not a positive focus. If I wanted to relive those relationships, I would never have left. It’s ruining our experience together. Work on being the best version of yourself and making us the best experience. It will make us both happy. “
Is it often he has excuses? Maybe if the amount of time isn't enough, something has to give. You can still spend time together if someone is tired (cuddle date) or lazy (take out)
Is it due to transportation? Is it always his place or yours?
regardless, I would mention it if there isn't enough time in your mind. Theres a difference between feeling “needy” and then “needing to see your partner”
Lol !! I guess that’s what I need to do
“This girl looks mature” You of all people should know that looks can be deceiving. Don't date a minor, and also, don't date someone you shouldn't just because you're afraid you'll never find someone more suitable. Being single can suck, but is not a crime, dating minors is.
It’s interesting since these same people would laugh at this person in real life. Maybe someone doesn’t want to have to deal with this situation every single time you go outside.
It would definitely be a drain on my life to carry this person to a better life. It’s interesting how you’re immediately an ‘insensitive asshole’ judged by armchair redditors in their parents basement simply because you’d rather have someone who is capable of behaving rationally.
Just to put this into perspective for you: My son was conceived mid July and was born at about 39 weeks in April. The math ain’t mathin’ my guy.
She should have let him go then.
I wouldn’t. It’s something that needs to be worked on before finding a partner.
I know exactly what you mean. I lost all of my friends around 18-20 because they never stopped partying and I wanted more to life than that. This huge loss scarred me and even at 27 it is still difficult to make new friends who I trust are good people wanting to move forward in life.
Once I save up some money I plan on getting a hobby like yoga or ceramics to meet people who are also motivated enough to have some kind of hobby. Love will find you in the strangest places, so just try to focus on yourself until you find someone who seems worth pursuing!
Seconding the therapy recommendation!! Being gaslit and led on and emotionally manipulated…. those are things a good therapist can help you a lot with. You say you feel crazy, she has been invalidating your feelings and ignoring your (completely valid) boundaries for so long. We can tell you: “your boundaries are valid, *she is the one out of line!” And maybe part of you manages to believe us. But a therapist can help you truly get to that conclusion yourself and can help you work out ways to get back in touch with your feelings and make you strong enough to actually stand up for yourself (which most likely will lead to you realizing a divorce is the only option). But talking it all through with a mental health specialist, who can decode the manipulation tactics and gas lighting your wife has been putting you through – I think that would be incredibly beneficial for you!
Therefore I've decided to limit our interactions to only work related stuff, but since I asked her, she seemed really hurt and upset.
The way that is worded, it sounds like you actually said something like “Can we limit our interactions to only work-related stuff?”
That would be pretty harsh and confusing coming out of the blue from a coworker you have had a friendly working relationship with. She probably thinks she offended you or overstepped somehow.
You cannot correct your misstep by making a declaration of his inappropriate feelings for her. That would really make things awkward.
The best thing to do is to just resume being friendly but professional and to let the awkwardness die naturally.
If you think it's too late for that and it isn't going to work at this point, you can try clearing the air by saying something like, “I'm sorry for being a little weird the other day. I had been sorting through some thoughts about working relationships and ended up saying some half-developed thoughts out loud at you. I just want to be sure you know that as far as I'm concerned, we're okay, and hope we can just pretend I didn't say that.” In your own words, of course.
If something like this comes up in the future, a better way to approach it would be to simply change your own behavior. That means stop seeking out her company unnecessarily, and back off on the personal sharing when you do interact, while avoiding being impolite or chilling the working relationship.
Do you have any recommendations for books if you think that would help?
Try harder troll
You can start losing weight by dropping the BF! Your weight journey is what it is, and he knew that when he met you. It’s so gross and weird to use your partner like that, especially when you know that they’re already having struggles with themselves. You deserve better
I should clarify. Over our year together, I’ve talked about it maybe 3 or 4 times. If my post made me come off as pushy, I’m sorry. She wants this to change too, but I think for both of us it’s a very hot topic to get around, and overall a shitty situation.
I mean it doesn't specially say that. But I couldn't specify every little thing we do it'd take hours.
But she has got a life outside of motherhood too. Her being a SAHM is her choice. We can afford childcare and my workplace has a creche that's heavily subsidised. She chose full time motherhood as her job. Weekends and any day I'm not working she's free to do what she wants. She's only bound to motherhood the hours I work and the odd time I've got plans
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When I bought my current car brand new it was the most stress relieving thing ever. Sure, I pay an ass ton each month, but I'm not worrying about whether my car will reliably get me to work or if I'm going to have to choose between it and my mortgage cause the engine bricked on me or suspension rusted out. And a new car I didn't pay for? Fuck, I'll deal with the taxes and whatnot on that.
He's her husband, not her master. If he had a problem with it, he talks to his wife that accepted the gift.
I think we do need couples counseling. I'm going to suggest it. I really just wanted to make sure I wasn't making a mountain out of a mole hill.
This was the really helpful, reality-check kind of response I needed. Thank you.
I think the fact that he invited me out (kind of in secret) to hang out with him after every other coworker went back to their rooms for the night definitely led me on to think he was interested in me. We talked about some pretty deep stuff, including past relationships. The texting was pretty intense, too, until it just…wasn’t. That’s why I feel so confused.
I took the hint texting-wise not to talk to him when I noticed he was only responding if I texted him first or when I realized I was the last to text and we hadn’t talked in days. I do have legitimate reasons to interact with him at work so I’m even more stressed about this knowing he completely ignored a work message I sent him through our work messenger. I’m definitely left thinking “did I come on too strong? Scare him off?”
The answer here is to just move on, I know. I’m even going to try and direct my work questions elsewhere but I do know people will probably think “why is she asking me this? This is a question for *******”. We also have 1 on 1 meetings at work, which made sense in the beginning when I was training, but have no use anymore and we usually end up chit chatting. I’m kinda getting the feeling he might end up canceling those and I’m wondering if maybe I should reach out to cancel first, just so he knows I’m not pining over him and it doesn’t have to be weirder/sadder for me if or when he does it.
This sounds like an incompatibility. But you can be honest and tell him how sex makes you feel. And open up about your past if you feel comfortable doing that.
‘If my wife really wants something, I’m pretty reasonable.’ Sounds like she wanted these things, and you responded with unrestrained anger.
Asking you to stop being abusive is not deflecting. Anger issues and a pattern of verbal abuse are kore important than any of these individual issues.
Whether or not you agree to do things her way and whether or not you scream at her are separate things. You can stop verbally abusing her without doing things her way. You are using anger and abuse to her your way instead of taking it out or saying ‘no.’
She doesn't specify it was her work chat or email.
“This is common among immigrant”, you mean stealing from relatives. I do not believe it. I do not know her, but I have witnessed people behave like that when they grow older : they do not give a fuck, they fell entitled and do not care about others feeling You need to tell your brother, and need to do something with your mother , at least some kind of acknowledgment she took something from you
Maybe you should ask to join her , fuckasa es suckasa
If she is into that the more the merrier I say
Unfortunately, I concur. You deserve better~
He's a jealous, insecure butt.
Get her knick-knacks like photos and precious moments collectibles. Things that are viewed, not used. Or really mess with her mind and get her a kitten.
Yeah…if all her ex’s are narcissistic and chaotic, it reminds me of that saying about meeting assholes all day. You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.
To be fair, it sounds like you both dodged a bullet by splitting up. Go see a therapist and work on you, let him do what he's going to do, but I would recommend no contact.
Listen,I get it . It’s very hot feeling like you’re never good enough , etc . It just feels like you’re taking it out on your boyfriend . While yeah, he should understand how depressing it is, he made an effort . He’s on vacation & was thoughtful enough to leave you a present so you could see he cares . You could’ve literally spared a few minutes to open it before crawling back into bed .
I have severe anxiety & depression but my feelings are my issue not my partner’s.
Listen,I get it . It’s very hot feeling like you’re never good enough , etc . It just feels like you’re taking it out on your boyfriend . While yeah, he should understand how depressing it is, he made an effort . He’s on vacation & was thoughtful enough to leave you a present so you could see he cares . You could’ve literally spared a few minutes to open it before crawling back into bed .
I have severe anxiety & depression but my feelings are my issue not my partner’s.
NO FUCKING WAY THIS OP IS OLDER THAN ME AND MY FRIENDS RN.
Possible, but I’m taking OP at their description. I suspect someone who has seen their drunk dad slap their pregnant mom around isn’t the blushing at a being offered a beer sort.
Very reasonable.
My take on it is that a person who has seen their drunk Dad slap their pregnant Mom would not be bothered by quiet judging of a person that they don't know.
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2 is fine. What are you regretting
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Not really, denial of affection is domestic violence in any setting
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I think I’m entitled to at least that
This is the BIG problem. You aren't entitled to anything.
At all.
She broke up with you. She no longer owes you anything. She's tried to ease out of your life, but you were clingy. She was ready to move on and leave you in her past. She's done. Leave her alone
If you guys are from the same culture, which is Taiwanese, why are you phrasing shit like “in his language” don’t you speak cantonese?
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Isn't in-home day care like an illegal daycare? Isn't unfair to dump the kid with MIL and expect her to work for free? It means she can take one less paying kid. Also, does he want to dump the baby with his mom because he doesn't want to take care of the baby?
To me, it also sounds like now that you are pregnant, he can force you do to what he wants that is to move to his home town, and that MIL taking care of the baby is an excuse he is using. And because you are pregnant, you can't break up with him over this.
You have strong reasons to move to your home town and you know your needs both financial, social, and support. His reason of child care is not a valid reason to move to his much more expensive home town, so unless he gives you other reasons, I don't think it makes sense to move where he wants.
I also don't think he means that he would move long term to your town later. If he didn't want to move, you would never be able to move out, even if you divorced, because of child custody issues. I know it sounds extreme now, but you'd be naive if you don't realize that you could be stuck there for 18 years.
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The person you responded to mentioned OP knows she is depressed, so I assumed OP had said that somewhere.
He is not wrong for trying to work it out, but he should unicate his actual motivations. He shouldn't say “you have gained weight and should do something for your health, I do this for you!”, he should have said “I think health and the gym are a priority and I have discovered that I would like a partner that thinks the same. Are you up for that?” if he is hiding his motivations, he isn't really working out anything.
Either he’s ghosting bc he believes you did something, or…he wanted to break up and is manipulating the situation by making you think it’s the first option.
The second one is fucked up and I’m sorry to say it happens. The guy I know would say darkly, ominously, “I don’t want to talk about it, but she knows why we aren’t together”. Turns out he was cheating and decided to be with the other girl, and this was his master plan to avoid accountability.
People can be assholes.
Damn, thats rough buddy
For TWO YEARS you haven't so much as bought your own child a present because, what, your wife has some torrid, ridiculous insecurities surrounding your child? You don't have a wife. You have a jailer, and you are complicit in her poor treatment of your child.
Your jailer does not get to dictate what you save for your child, unless you let her.
Stop letting her. If that means following your gut and divorcing? So be it. This is not a woman you should be married to and I hope you do not be so stupid as to get her pregnant.
My library charges for movies honestly. I cancelled Hulu and Netflix too
If it was a man tracking his GF it would be called abusive.
You don’t hate him but you don’t like him as much. Most parents love their kids. They may like one more than the other. Your other two are similar to you so y’all relate.
My dad and I are the same. We have tons in common. He makes more effort for me bc it’s natural. But you may know this about yourself. You may see that you don’t get in as well with the middle child so you have to put in more effort to get to know his world, the things he likes, etc.
Showing interest and enthusiasm goes a long way. My grandma and I didn’t speak the same language but she still sat at the movies with me. It’s the effort and being present. Give him your energy and effort.
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Why the hell are you still there? He has zero respect for you. You tell him him no and/ or stop and he continues. Tells you you just have to take it!! Geez pack your stuff and go this is not headed to a good place at all.
That’s great that you’re still attracted to her, but have you ever thought about encouraging her to see that (within reason) her weight is not the determinant of how desirable she is and you like her for who she is?
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What are his redeeming qualities? It’s a genuine question because wtf.
It’s your relationship not theirs. They may have an issue with it bc you have more experience in life like more dating or sexual partners when in return he may have not had relationships at all. As long as he knows what he’s got into like a committed relationship and y’all have similar interest there is not prob.
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I mean it is up to the parent, but the parent is a rather shitty parent if they introduce their kid to people that aren’t committed to sticking around.
Like theoretically it sounds like you met her around 3 months when she was 10 month. So theoretically based on those numbers you could have been the third woman she’s met.
Kids thrive on stability. Which is why you shouldn’t introduce them to a lot of partners. It’s why you should wait until,you’re certain of your partner minus how the6 are with your kid before you bring in your kid.
You’re still young, it’s not surprising you didn’t know that. A 38 year old raising a kid solo absolutely should know about how to best handle dating when you have a kid.
I guess I’m embarrassed (?) for assuming? He obviously made plans without me and now I feel weird being like hey so Ik u made plans w/o me and we talked about how ur gonna be busy all weekend but why can’t I be included..
I have read those text messages… it was painful.
You havent said anything wrong and even if you were, you clarified yourself & apologized pretty quickly.
I dont like how she is calling names, throwing insults. She thinks you are so terrible for his son so the best action is to discuss division of assets after separation. It is not reasonable to come back from this.
I would break up right then and there. Holy shit. I feel as strongly as you do about that and that would not be acceptable, especially since he then but blame on you after. Jfc. Insanely disrespectful.
He would be encouraging it an 11 month old is only just starting to learn words. Mama and Dada are more of a 12 month plus word. You haven't been dating long enough to be at the stage you are in this relationship. He seems to be looking for a mama for his kid.
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Damn only a little
That's your justification? Your mad she won't send you a cleavage shot cuz your lonely? Are you mentally ill?
I gave it to them just because I wanted to be nice. I honestly would’ve been fine with a card that everyone had signed, just the plushie, etc. It just felt insulting to be gifted a used men’s body cologne, and to see this now after the first two years they gave me gifts that had thought behind them.
You’re not a failure. Hope 2023 goes much better for you.
bro wym “her personality sucks” have you ever actually talked to her??
She doesn’t want to go all the way. You do. Both people need to want to in order to do it.
What do you want advice about?
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I talked to him today about it but it caused an argument and he told me hes still gonna buy me stuff
I'm sure that makes one you happily married.
Even if he was imagining himself fucking some random stranger, who gives a fuck? Why are people so insecure?
Even if you convince him to not watch that, he is going to masturbate while thinking of other people. It's natural. It's what people do. There is frankly zero reason why you should care.
OP, you’re not in love with her; you’re in love with someone who doesn’t exist. The woman you’re in love with is someone she pretended to be and not who she really is. Who she really is, is a woman who tells you lies constantly and does whatever the hell she wants to do WITH ANOTHER MAN! Explore her bisexuality? One lunch meeting that went no where and she starts sleeping with another guy who’s married to someone else for crying out loud! She has sex in his house with his kids sleeping in their rooms! She’s a horrible, selfish cheating person.
Don’t keep her as your wife. You deserve better.
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I’m sorry but this is incredibly shady. I would keep a very close eye on this because it sounds like she’s cheating on you.
I love ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤️the blanket my sister made me, but I also love the weight of blankets and cannot comprehend having so little space as to have a blanket cause this much concern
Attraction is important. She can dress and look however she wants to, but you are not required to be attracted to that. You like what you like. You cant force attraction.
So, if you want to keep the relationship and want things to be how they were, then you would have to talk to her about that. Tell her you are finding it difficult to be attracted to a non-feminine look and ask her what can be done. If she is going to get offended by you sharing your feelings and wanting to solve a problem in the relationship then you know what you want to know about her. If she really is a 10/10 in personality as you say then she would be happy to work with you on this issue.
Do not keep your feelings closed in and try to twist your sexuality into something its not. Be open but kind and tell her how you feel. Dont attack her choices or ask her to change, rather just tell her how you feel and let her decide what to do.
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Your life is a shit show.
You keep referring to “my ex-fiancee” which says to me you prefer him to your “boyfriend”.
You might know for sure who the dad is , but he doesn't.
Dumping the guy and being a single mother to like what 8 kids? Not a solution.
Get a grip on reality, please.
And tie your tubes or something.
The only DNA testing I have done was for ancestry websites, like 23andme, so I have no experience in regular paternity tests.
Edit: I’m going by the words she used in the post.
Just because two parents aren't together does not mean it's a broken home. A broken home is staying involved in an unhealthy relationship lacking boundaries, respect, and trust. There's nothing left to fix with her. Get a lawyer and document that she left your son at school for hours.
If he loves BMX more than he cares about you, you don't really have a relationship, do you?
I think she meant she was together while this happened, but is now her ex so she doesn't refer to him as BF in post
Yup??
Sounds super toxic and they sound super racist
Thank you for the sound advice. I’m really trying to focus on him but I’m grieving my lost time and what life could’ve been for him. I know eventually things will be fine, but I’m having a very hot time seeing and am currently completely overwhelmed
OP, you were groomed at 16 by an adult. That is disgusting, and now his even older brother is trying to fuck you. Please come to your sense and escape these people.
Kick out bro. No two ways about it. This is about you. Your safety. Your home. I really hate all the people who don't want to make waves or hurt people when they are only standing up for themselves.
What if you bf does not believe you? Bad bf. How is this relationship going to continue unless bf bans brother from contact with you?
It could also be that your knows things about his brother and would not be surprised by this behavior.
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I'm not reading this. Teenage girls need better role models and parents who give a shit.
I wasn't thinking of verbal abuse but you are right. Looking back, he's been ramping it up over the past 6 months, a passive aggressive comment here and there and then it really came out as a flood on Christmas.
Wow you can’t be this pathetic. Dude grow a backbone, your girl is actively cheating on you. You are being the perfect little weak beta and making justifications for her betraying you. Find your spine already, she is trash. Move on and ghost her. Get some self esteem already.
She's clearly just that desperate to be away from you and your toxic family. That's obviously not sinking in for you. You've screwed your marriage up soooo badly, she'll screw herself over financially just to be rid of you. Well done.
He found every way to make this your fault. Wow. Good for you for getting out before this gets worse.
Actions speak louder than words. You say you’d like to do those couple type things but your actions said otherwise.
I knew a girl who married into the last name Butt. She didn’t mind it. I would have, Ngl
Make sure to post an update
your son probably told you because he was uncomfortable. My dad used to do this to my mom, and I’d tell her.
you need to have a conversation with your husband about how your child told YOU instead of telling their dad about the uncomfortable-ness of the situation. And then protect your child, and don’t let dad say anything to him like “i can’t tell you anything now because you snitch to your mother”
my dad used to do this and now he wonders why I call Mom first.
Buying already made meals from Trader Joe’s, Costco, etc is super easy to have in the freezer. Why not have those instead of spend that amount x3 per week?
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I thought, what are the chances of that? lmao
Ok fine the answer is that your partner is a waste of time, they treat you like shit, that post from 2 months ago alone would do it. Find someone else and your life will improve.
She's 30 f*cking years old she needs someone closer to her age. Before you tell him that you don't like the way she acts and don't want her around much anymore, try and find someone else for her. I would take her for a girls night out and make sure that you have more girls with you and take her to a place where you know she will find someone. If they haven't had sex (her and BF) tell her at the bar that your BF is off limits and she needs to chill out when she's around him. If they have had sex, she's jealous and won't back down.
I'd break up with him and ask him to leave.
Young man not employed and not trying to be is absolutely a non-starter relationship wise. Had a job, walked away, plays video games till all hours, then demands sex, is just a terrible look.
In short: Surely you can do better!
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Why you lying so much? Maybe she needs to rehome you instead.
So then get him into doggy day care
Your lack of action is making his life, your fiancés life, and now your life worse.
Honestly that doesn't sound very hot. boil pasta and mix with presauce.
Like I'm sure I can do that easily if I needed to..currently i dont really need to
There's nothing unusual here. It's completely normal for family members to argue. It doesn't mean they don't love each other. You should be glad that they are mature enough to get over their disagreements and get along most of the time.
I'm chiming in to say her ADD/ADHD needs to be treated medically and with therapy. It'll better you both! 🙂
Thank u! I’ll head there x
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Let him simmer down for a few days, don’t keep Pandering to him or he will overmilk it. + don’t do it again, doesn’t sound like a play punch to me
This is a moral thing, and that's entirely dependent on your values. You're an adult and can make whatever choice you want to, but at the end of the day you'll just have to on-line with whatever the outcome is.
Just remember this though: If he is able to maintain a multi-year secret relationship with you while he's married with children, don't for a second think he wouldn't do the same to you if guys end up getting together.
Also, another point to ponder is that it's not just about you two and “being happy together”. The partner he's currently married to also invested a lot, and they have kids. It's one thing to FAFO when there's only another adult in the situation, but it's entirely different when you add kids. If you decide to continue to pursue this and be with him long-term, then you have to think about them. Because if you do get together officially, you will be a part of their lives and you will have to be okay being a step mom, potentially labeled as a home-wrecker, and deal with that entire co-parenting/divorce dynamic.
Thank you. This was what I needed to hear
I had a relationship with a married woman when I was 15.
Nobody is investing anything. That would imply you're actively trying to build something, and that is not happening. At best, he needs to get his situation with his wife sorted out before pursuing another relationship. He is, at worst, using you. I suspect he's using you.
Lot of people know within a few months if they want to get married to that person or not…. For me and my hubby it was a month, but it varies for everyone.
But like I said it may be a reason, or it may not
Tell her to “figure it out” and stay away.
You tell him it’s over and end the conversation, do not resume it. Block his number, and social media and whatever he has to contact you on. If he approaches you, tell him it’s over and do not engage with him any more. If he persists in harassing you, tell your parents and get the police involved if need be.
It's your fault. Now own it and face the consequences.
Start by being honest. It's very hot to tell the truth when you've been lying about such things, but it sounds like both you and your brother need whatever support you can get.
Marijuana is often used to relax and escape the stresses of the real world. You mentioned your brother has undergone some traumatic experiences, and it may be that he can't face himself without the drugs because of it. This can lead to addiction which can have all sorts of negative affects.
It really sounds like you both need professional support, and unfortunately your not going to get that here on reddit.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you seek out a therapist who can help you through such a situation.
Can’t wait for this to blow up in your face. You didn’t make one mistake. You actively took many steps to cheat. Oh well.
Fess up. Because let’s be real they are doing the kits. You trying to prevent it looks more and more suspicious
I got no advice for you other than you made your bed now you have to sleep in it. You chose to message the guy, chose to lie about where you were going, chose to drink(but not enough to not remember), chose to fuck someone else, chose to not tell your husband cause you knew you fucked up, chose to continue the lie and force your husband to raise a child that isn’t his. You are cruel person with no shame. You aren’t worried about your family being destroyed you are worried about yourself and how you will be impacted which will be your kids and future ex husband(hopefully) will hate you. You are going to lose a great thing all because you wanted to go fuck a person while in a relationship. Your husband deserves better and so do your kids.
You fucked around 16 years ago no you are about to find out. Actions have consequences and you’ve been avoiding yours.
Are you having regular sex outside of the times you're trying to get pregnant?
He’s the one?! He literally couldn’t care less about you. If I found a possum on the side of the road that was injured I would have treated it with more care and dignity than your boyfriend did you. I’m not saying that to be a jerk, but to be blunt enough to wake you up. This is not a good person. He’s going to a party instead of visiting you in the hospital. Imagine if you have kids with this dolt.
INSECURE
This prank of yours was very mean spirited and totally uncalled for.
Can you stay with one of your parents for the time being?
Might be weird I guess. But I have one. Very sharp. 20 years right next to my bed. Lol
Get an alarm system. Ring has one you can put in yourself. And it’s not like the risk with their security cameras in the past where employees were looking at the cameras. It’s just security sensors at all get doors and windows. If they’re opened a loud alarm goes off and usually scares away burglars. And it will automatically contact the cops you don’t turn it off and don’t answer. It’s only $10/mo for professional monitoring. That’s step one.
Also like others said, check the locks and replace them. How did this person get into your house? Did you forget to lock ge door? I have a Schlage smart lock that auto locks after 4 minutes. They make really good locks. So make sure you’ve got good locks in place.
That might help you sleep better without having an 18 year old man with a machete staying at your house that you hardly know. For all you know he might become the perpetrator and that might be what your fiancé is worried about, not that it would cheat. But it’s good to find out what his concern is.
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Appreciate your advice. Do you think it's morally wrong to continue as long as we're 'comfortable?' and reassess when the milestone issues actually come up?
My advice as a bisexual woman: fuck that guy. He's clearly queerphobic. Why would you want to be with someone like that? He's not the only man in the world. And he sounds like a fucking douchebag.
What this guy said !!!
What do you want to do? You call the child your son, but if your bf died tomorrow you will have no rights. Why aren’t you married and why haven’t you adopted? You are making a lot of sacrifices in a promise. I see that you have some of your own money, but why no legal standing? Be careful how much of the best years of your life that you devote to a relationship without a soft place to land should the worst happen. Good luck
I hate the whole prefrontal cortex argument lmao, an 18 year old is bordering on the peak of their physical strength, saying an 18 year old is a kid that cannot make grown decisions is insane, not every 18 year old you meet is an immature moron, there are 18 year olds working jobs you and me could never imagine working in certain parts of the world, FYI.
When you're overthinking like OP you don't think of an alarm going off, what if the burglar notices and circumvents the alarm, a home security system is not going to bring her much mental peace.
You obviously don't have a say based on your post.
You can feel however you feel but equality and respect are not in your reality.
So either you need to move out or get over it.
PEOPLE FART!
Tell him to get over himself.
Maybe it is but for the many people out there who have no clue what actual grooming looks like it's a great reference point.
Lol my bad. I’m getting attacked by a clan of repulsive people. I’m on high alert
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I think it's important to take into account her job before you call her decisions “lazy”. In my district, most teachers have to be at work ready to go by 7:30am. An hour earlier if you're a high school teacher that offers a zero hour. Then you spend the whole day trying to manage and educate anywhere from 30 to 150 kids, depending on your age group and how many classes a day you teach, and frequently the kids are actively working to make the teacher's life harder, whether on purpose or by coincidence. Then she gets to come home, probably bringing a good bit of work home with her if she's teaching anything but kindergarten, take care of any of her duties around the house, and then do it all again the next day.
I think anyone would take advantage of their free time on a Saturday and avoid people after doing that all week. Plus, it's winter. It's as cold outside as hell is very hot. If you want a partner that's going to be active with you, find a partner that likes being active. Forcing your girlfriend to stretch herself thinner than she already is just to make you happy is not the way.
you will probably regret NOT sending it, so I would send it but keep your expectations low on anything in return etc
You did…when you posted here looking for advice that you don’t want to take.
So, why bother posting here? My guess is troll/rage bait, or you really are that clueless to what’s happening here.
Yeah it is not about meeting someone and changing them the way you want them to be. It is about meeting someone you can be happy with. No idea why people fight so very hot for these relationships where two people clearly are not compatible… Move on and pick a better match next time.
This is very simple, op.
No meeting. I want a DNA test before I even speak with you. Hit me up for child support? I can and will demand that test, and the court will make you comply so you might as well do it willingly and get it out of the way.
The only way to really know is to have an open discussion about it.
Thank you because I know I can’t be wrong for feeling the way I feel.
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It really hurts me and I already have told her this several times. She says that I’m too sensitive and she shows her love by making fun of me.
What she's saying is “I don't respect your feelings”.
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Is he a dog? Because he may feel vulnerable while pooping and it makes him feel safe to know your'e there to protect him from potential threats while he does his business. It's classic dog behavior.
But if he's a human then he's weird as hell and like soooooo clingy.
Any chance she cheated and is hiding the evidence?
Ohhh shit, he thinks she fucked a brotha
Wow really??? Never knew this.
My parents both had light eyes and I have brown.
Tell them Mommy died. ? Morbid joke. Seriously, though, she's a piece of shit if she's willing to abandon her kids but she already proved that bh cheating in the first place. It's really not a loss to any of you.
Are you comfortable just hooking up? Because I’d not, you need to tell him that you like him and don’t feel comfortable hooking up under those circumstances. But if you’re fine with it, maybe hold off?
I mean, you replied to my comment. It's not really my fault that you communicated poorly. But yes I agree
Yeaaaa…something wrong with this relationship if you are serious.
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How many posts have you made about this?
I assume he's not seeing a primary care doctor regularly? (Many adult men don't)
If so, I think you should encourage him to see a doctor to get suggestions and referrals to specialists. His health is very much at risk and this is a medical issue. Be sure to emphasize that his weight gain is a health problem that needs to be managed like any other health problem, and it is not a personal failing or means that he is not a good and worthy person deserving of help. Some people struggle a lot to lose weight, and that's ok. It's too much to take on all alone, which is where you and medical professionals can help. Setting up an healthy and realistic diet plan, considering medications and/or surgery, etc.
He also should be get his bloodwork done to see if anything is causing, or has been caused by, his weight gain.
It will seem daunting, so just take it 1 step at a time. Step 1, set up that doctor's appointment. Go with him and take notes! And then work on a plan together to help him get healthy so you both can have a long life together.
The two probably forgot they were among friends when kissing; I’d bet they do a lot more when not in company OP personally knows, and like you said, telling him now is getting out ahead of it.
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But the thing is i feel really guilty because I did it before and she told me at least send a text and i said i would so i feel like a broke a promise
Hey op, don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong. However you do have to realize that you have the power to change your situation. Your boyfriend has been gaslighting you all these years because he doesn’t want you to realize you have the power to leave him, he wants to have you a sure thing while he cheats. He has manipulated you into being compliant. You don’t have to play along. Take charge of your life once and for all. Wishing you the clarity to see that you don’t have to play this role that he set up for you!
You've got it! “I'd love to maintain a friendship, but I support you in doing whatever is best for you.”
You have to put yourself in better places and be better at attracting that which you seek.
He gave you sex. So why wasn't that enough for you ?
I’ve already decided this was our last time
‘I was drunk the entire time she was miscarrying’ absolutely would sound like a big deal.
I'm almost nothing like my boyfriend's former fiance. She dyed her hair crazy colors, was an introvert, never traveled, etc. I, on the other hand, can talk to anyone, am very strong willed, deeply spiritual, love to explore, etc.
We were different people. We had different relationships. It doesn't change the fact that she loved my boyfriend, and I love him. And, most importantly, he loves us.
What they had was important. He's still close to her family, and even calls her mother “Mom.” I understand.
If your girlfriend loves you, she is going to understand.
You are the one who has to open up your heart.
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Yep, narc speak. Deflect, word salad bs, not logical.
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Time to look out for yourself.
Get a job, donate plasma, find a way to make money.
Make sure you do not get pregnant again.
Decide what you want out of life and go for it!
He is too immature for a relationship. An ultimatum means he changes or you leave, but he can’t change so what is the point of an ultimatum? Just discuss your differences and break up. And his saying his anger isn’t that bad isn’t an answer. Tell him you don’t want a boyfriend with any anger issues at all. They are out there. Even if he wanted to stay together and got therapy for his temper, he can’t change overnight. It will help him in future relationships but not in yours. You should get therapy to learn how to deal with your past trauma so you don’t keep repeating it.
Oh my god ? run. In all seriousness this is very scary and you won’t be able to trust her after this. Especially because it’s happened more than once. Respect yourself, and take care of yourself, future you will thank you for saving him from more trauma.
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Yes
Your family doesn't like the guy who groomed their child, that's understandable. Honestly, you're probably out of his age range now, and I wouldn't be surprised if he long distancing a lot of other kids as well. This post is every parents nightmare.
Dump the immature asshole. Such childish behavior. Arrogant too. Do you really think this is the foundation for a solid longterm relationship?
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Well your both 23… what was your plan to get that life?
I had a similar plan at a similar age. I had no clue as I was just starting my life. 10 years later and through very hot work,luck and a supportive partner I have nailed it. I’m not a leader in my field, own my own home and dream car (unfortunately as an estate… baby and practicality comes first ) and I’m very lucky to be the dad of the most awesome little person.
A plan with out a goal is not a plan. The dude had a fixed goal. Just needed time to work out a plan
H e l p
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Thank you for your advice. I’m sorry that happened to you and I would be concerned about how my in laws reacted if something similar happened to them. That’s a good way to phrase it that I might just steal from you when we have this conversation.
You can try saying “I’d really like to kiss you right now.”
Thank you for your reply it makes sense to stop this nonsense
This is the best answer
Can you date a liar? You're too old to be dealing with her childish games – it's incredibly unattractive. Move on.
A few years back
you quit cocaine. How long were you doing cocaine? My guess is you weren’t a great partner during that time either.
Y’all needed to work on your marriage long ago, when you started feeling depressed and unwanted and when your wife started devoting herself 100% to the kids. (I’m guessing she has her reasons – you did cocaine, she did the kids.)
Given the amount of history you have to deal with, I’d strongly recommend intensive couples counseling. When you have figured out if there is anything left of your marriage to save, then the two of you can plot a path forward – even if it involves divorce.
As far as your affair partner goes, recognize that those teenager feelings (while enjoyable) don’t last forever. You presumably had them with your wife at one point too. Keep the brakes on that relationship until you and your wife decide what to do.
You haven't told the boyfriend yet why
I kept my last name as well. My personal experience…. I considered changing it but in the end, and after a lot of thought and self-reflecting, I love my name. It was who I am and who I’ve been my whole life. Changing it feels like taking away my identity prior to marriage. My husband understood and supported that decision.
One thing we did consider was what last name to give our children. I wanted our children it have my last name part of theirs as they are a part of me and my heritage. So we compromised to give them my last name as part of their middle name and their last name is my husbands. That way… my last name is still a part of them. We did consider hyphenating but both our names are pretty long so we didn’t want to burden the kids that. LoL
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Ultimatums are good.
OP wants a relationship with commitment. If he can't give her commitment, he should stop wasting her time.
Why should OP wait forever and forever? It's not fair for her. She is emotionally commiting to him, why should she waste her time because he “isn't ready”? This situation could take years in the worst case.
If he already lives with her, saying they are boyfriend and girlfriend wouldn't be such a huge deal for most people, but somehow that seems too much for him which makes me wonder If he just wants FWB and somebody paying half the rent.
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Sexuality is pretty fluid. He might not be gay.
Yeah, I'm all for cutting toxic family out of your life, but people on this subs threshold for just dumping everyone immediately for any problem that pops up is going to leave them very lonely in the real world.
Is he making money off of it tho?
The inheritance is yours to do with as you please as per the prenup. Declare it off limits.
Technology is a privilege, not a right. Take away the iPad, computer, game console, iPhone, etc and make him earn it back. If he wants to watch something it will be with adult supervision on the big tv. He’s going at least 30 days so he can detox from it and form some new habits.
Your first week is going to be pure hell. Don’t give in or you’ll be in a worse position that before.
Consider taking some parenting classes like “Love and Logic Parenting” or something. It’s painfully obvious you both need it. Also consider some couples counseling. Parents need to be on the same page regarding discipline or the kid learns how to play you against each other.
I’m still trying to figure out why you said what you said
What do you expect though? It’s predominantly North American in this sub and most people are overweight & obese anyways.
You’re a lawyer. Why would you accept this shark prenup?
I see that you and most readers are playing armchair therapist. I'd say you need to hear from a real one.
Meanwhile, have you tried bargaining? Is there nothing you can offer her that she would make an effort to get? And I hate to say Stick as well as Carrot, but is there nothing you can deny her that she would make an effort not to lose? Your narrative suggests that she cares for absolutely nothing, but that's a very testable proposition, and I see no harm in trying.
No, she's totally the bad guy. Anyone who dumps their partner when things get tough is shitty. Pretty easy, at least six months after treatment starts.
You are free to date people who dip out when anything bad happens and make excuses for them, and I'm free to judge you all for your behavior.
Divorce. He's leading a secret life, which sucks for you. You're forcing him to suppress his sexuality, which sucks for him. Or maybe he is gay and that just sucks for both of you. You're not compatible. I'm sorry you both had to go through this to figure it out.
There’s a difference between dating a good person, and being a good fit.
You both are doing everything right, it seems – but it sounds like the relationship just isn’t a good fit for you. That’s not uncommon. That isn’t a moral failing, you’re 20 and curious and that’s okay.
I know, first hand; that it’s very very hot to breakup with a good person. You don’t want to hurt someone you believe deserves good things. But you’ll do more harm by half-assing a relationship and wasting her time.
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Yeah your cousin is 100% getting scammed. I'm Indian and even here on-line dating apps are filled with scammers and human organ traffickers. Your cousin might as well be in real danger to his life so I suggest you and his family intervene and stop him asap.
There is no place called “Dikbai” here, unless you got the place's name wrong.
her father said if they eloped or if he disapproved of my cousin and this girl’s relationship he’ll kill them both
This is definitely a thing here, though not as common, but it depends mostly on their socioeconomic class, education, religion, etc. But I'd be worried about getting scammed because he's most definitely getting scammed.
The anxiety you’re getting around him is your intuition telling you this man is dangerous. He’s inexperienced sexually but a 30 year old man knows common sense and obvious communication. He’s intentionally ignoring the things you tell him. You wanna invest more time in someone who doesn’t accept your no? Don’t ignore red flags, especially this early in a relationship.
And saying he might be the one after two months is an even bigger red flag. He might be love bombing you and making you feel extra special and amazing and “the most beautiful and perfect woman I’ve ever met in my life. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before. You’re just so perfect for me and I can’t imagine my life without you.” Sound familiar?
Anyone who threatens to kill themselves if you leave them is not someone you should choose to stay with
Im going to pause on this judgement. Depending on where in the world they on-line. Are they on the west coast of the US where no one cares? Or is it in a gross Gilead like religious parts of the world where this kind of thing can get him killed?
Regardless, OP needs to have a frank discussion with her husband about what the dynamic of their marriage is. And if it should continue.
Tell him to have fun but this relationship is done and there's no coming back.
Please message me. I can’t seem to see any comments on this.
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I'm sorry that was harsh, but what I meant to say is you have to leave. This man is disrespecting you. He's degrading you. He also slept around while you were broken up but he wants to embarrass you for it and I don't get why you're asking for advice.
The only clear action to take when someone treats you like that is to leave. That's why I'm asking, what exactly are you looking to say “correctly”? You wrote a post for a bunch of strangers and not one needed you to explain it more correctly.
So I ask again, like the many other posters, why don't you just leave?
Leave Snoopy out of this. He did nothing wrong. And Woodstock.
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You'll have to ask her.
I don't mean that flippantly; she'll have to tell you what she needs to start trusting you again. Are you willing to, say, give her all your passwords? Check your phone and computer anytime she asks? And whatever you two agree on, can you do those things without resentment, or whining, or frustration?
And if you do give this another try, know that it's not going to be all fine and dandy straight away. It'll take time.
Trust arrives on foot, but leaves on horseback.
Good luck OP.
So you want to learn how to “deal” with him while he mistreat you, doesn't value you and walk all over you telling you you are worthless. And from what you are saying it's working and you are starting to believe him. You have any self respect? Save yourself before he destroys everything you were not so long ago.
Or maybe I'll ask ina different way – if your beloved friend would come to you with this problem, what would you tell them? Or if you had a daughter, what would you tell her?
This is where you should do your best impersonation of Forrest Gump and run.
First up She doesn’t have to get your permission to go out. And she doesn’t need to promise you that she wouldn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.
She didn’t cheat on you she went clubbing with friends. Friends probably changed plans last minute, and I’m struggling to determine what boundary of yours she walked all over that you’ve set.
Secondly if you wanted to see her you could have gone out with her OR asked her if she wanted to do something.
I’m sorry but your post seems like you do feel insecure in your relationship. It’s unhealthy to control someone. You either respect one another and communicate efficiently with one another other wise it’s not a strong relationship. Communication, trust and honesty are the foundations of a good relationship, these will come naturally. If you have to force it or put out rules then you’re not compatible or there’s a toxic one in it. At 22 you’re both learning but reading this it’s not going to be a forever thing. If she’s got a habit of lying it’s a issue. If she’s lying so she doesn’t get into “Trouble” then it’s a even bigger issue.
It is what it is. He’ll feel worse learning that his girlfriend wanted to break up with him but didn’t tears down the line.
we started a joint bank account so that he would have access to my money
I completely supported him through it, even paying his court fees.
I have always been the primary breadwinner, buying his weed, paying his phone, etc.
He also has not had a car for the vast majority of this- he drove mine.
Girl… I'm sorry but this is incredibly stupid. He was a reckless unemployed drug addict who married his sugar mommy.
he got a full time job at the university
Now he's finally straightening out his life by getting an education and making his own money and now you are turning into the toxic one, expecting to have unlimited access to his money.
Well now he says he wants separate bank accounts.
He complains sometimes that I work too little and says he wants financial independence
This is the responsible thing to do and it's unfair to just expect him to be fine with you reducing your hours, that should be a joint decision, especially if you expect him to cover your expenses.
Honestly I’ve been really against it. I understand wanting financial independence but i never got that option. When i made more money than him i never restricted access.
Well yes because YOU made a stupid decision. Doesn't mean he has to make the same stupid mistake 4 years later.
Being married does not give you a right to his money. You are still individual people and in case this all goes to shit you are setting yourself up for a huge mess. You can love someone and build a life with someone and still be smart about it. You never know if it will last forever or what will happen. What you do with your finances should be a decision made together without this entitlement you're displaying. That can go in a way that you both have your personal accounts and one joint account you put a set amount of money in for joint expenses or it can also look differently. My parents for example both have one account with access for both, but my dad's account is used for daily expenses since he makes more money and my mom's account is used for more special occasions and bigger expenses that don't happen as often. Whatever you decide is fine as long are you're both okay with it. But you need to grow up and stop acting like a child who got told she can't play with a toy anymore because it wasn't hers to begin with.
I hear him saying this in a stoic British accent. Stiff upper lip and all that. I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything negative by it and it’s a coping mechanism for him but if it upsets you so much then tell him exactly why it upsets you and tell him what you’d prefer him to say if he must say something.
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I’m very casually seeing a new guy who I’ve known for 2/3 months now. Things have progressed slowly and he’s been really sweet, kind, patient, just lovely company. But we kissed just over a week ago, and since then, he’s not been able to be around me and it not be sexual. It’s very overwhelming. I can’t even have a conversation with him anymore without him turning it sexual.
He’s never had a girlfriend before and is not very sexually experienced with women as a result. We’ve grinded on eachother while making out, but even then it turns way too heavy and rough from him, and he’s a lot bigger than me so the force he uses ends up hurting me and I have to tell him to stop and slow down. We gave eachother head, and he was so aggressive with me that the back of my throat ached for days, not in a good way. I told him he needed to be more gentle with me, and to remember that sex is something we do together and he has to think about how I’m going to be receiving it, and that it’s not just about him fucking me roughly. He was surprised, and felt really bad, and said he’s only really learnt sex through porn. If that’s the case, it shows. I don’t want to have to teach a 30 year old how to have sex with a woman.
We’ve slept in the same bed, nothing sexual has happened though, cos he was so unable to stop touching my body (my back and arms) through the night, as a result not letting me sleep (I told him I had to get up early for work so I’d have to sleep that night, I let him stay round cos I trust him and all the busses back to his had stopped for the night), and totally killing the mood. I told him I felt really anxious having to tell him to stop and “no“ repeatedly all night. Again he said sorry and that it wasnt the first time he’d been told that, and that he’d try to control himself more around me. He said he’s just too excited. Which would be sweet if it hadnt all made me so uncomfortable. I’m not even looking forward to having sex with him anymore, which I’m sad about.
I’m so confused. I feel like I’m wasting my time being made uncomfortable by him, but I like him in every other aspect. He honestly might be the one, THAT’S how much I like him otherwise. I don’t know if I should keep being patient with him, but I also don’t want to be his learning curve for how to have sex with women.
TLDR: Once we kissed for the first time, he started being very uncomfortably sexual and it’s making me overwhelmed. He hasn’t had much experience with sex with women outside of porn and he is too rough with me, and feels bad for it when I tell him this. I like him but don’t know if I’m wasting my time being hurt physically by him. I don’t want to be his teacher for sex, but he is perfect in every other way.
There are zero possible health issues. You only need one partner to get an STD. The number changes absolutely nothing. 100 clean and careful partners with protection are far better for your health than one STD-ridden human petri dish without protection.
You should set boundaries with her. If nothing wrong happened, why hasn’t she told her own girlfriend?
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He obviously thinks he's invincible. Let him go for a walk by himself. It's not worth risking your safety to appease him.
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I did place my own bets and won. But the point is I provided her with a service when I told her exactly what to pick to win. Normally people pay for services.
Also sports betting really isn’t nude. Sports are so predictable especially basketball.
Need to reel yourself in OP before you get hurt from this relationship. Your reaction was way over board and to me that is a sign of codependency issues/clingy. If you let yourself go there it’ll end badly for you, always have yourself in mind and don’t get lost in the feeling.
Facts people do dumb as shit and circle back all the time. Just make sure the doors closed when they come knocking
First paragraph, “it hasn't gone sexual yet.” His words not mine.
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Trust your gut.
Talk to ur wife. “I am uncomfortable”.
Talk to your friend. “Back up from my wife please”.
You are allowed to feel things and I encourage you to step up and express yourself.
Especially in matters regarding the integrity of your family.
Yes? They’re not going to arrest you because you refused to date someone and that person went on to self-harm or something.
Do you understand how ridiculous that would be?
I was going to say I understand her envy towards her friend by witnessing the gifts her BF showers her with, until you said you pay for the rent and bills etc. Heck no, she's ungrateful
I totatlly get where your coming from, as when its been in the opposite situation, frequently my sister does the same, however she also almost takes on some of their personality, so it can be difficult sometimes.
I would say third wheel becomes more of the default as you would expect, but theres been plenty of times where ive dedicated time to just being with her or family. Its never enough though.
Both of you need to compromise or cut things off. You need to communicate to her that she is sufficient to satisfying you (because she clearly doesn't feel like she is), and you need to accept that sex isn't going to be consistent thing in your relationship (which it sounds like you already sorta have). If these are things that neither of you are able to do, then you're better off separated than growing more and more bitter towards each other staying together.
You 100% have anger issues. Nothing is going to get better until you accept that.
?♂️. Not enough context.
How long have you been dating? How many weeks?
What did you exactly say when you changed your story to the truth? How many other lies have you said?
What does your lie really say about you? Insecurity. That’s not attractive which is another repellent. You lied during a vulnerable discussion. Another repellent.
You are in the early stages. She doesn’t have a lot invested in you. For her, it is probably easier to just skip you.
It may just be a life lesson for you instead.
Exactly, what’s to say will happen when the “BF” meets another woman who is his “true soulmate”? Who knows how many “soulmates” this serial cheater has?
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You go the nice way and just let him go, or be toxic and bang his friends. Choice is yours
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You would be nice and agreeable if he didn’t say stupid shit.
I’m sorry, but if someone reached out to my therapist for me (unless I was imminently self-harming), I’d be horribly creeped out. They won’t tell you anything anyway, and this would be a HUGE overstep. You just have to rip the bandaid and tell her.
He's either cheating or cross dressing. That lingerie was not for you
What? So she's a little feisty, at least she's not boring.
Don’t do it. Very, very bad idea.
It’s possible the ex might have been there, but the friend Janet brought was another girl. And gf is not a fan of her ex anyway. If he was there, she could have been worried about revealing that info, but that’s happened before and I’ve never been worried about that.
Threesome
He is clearly very good at lying and manipulation.
His wife told you that he has cheated before you too.
If you leave the door open at all, he will convince you to be with him again.
If he ever leaves his wife for you…. he will then cheat on you.
I am so sorry you are hurting, grieve it and get on with living xx
Seriously girl. Did you post your ages correctly? Bc seriously you sound like you’re 15. Everything you say is defensive. You literally told him to ask for company phones? Like fr you need to calm down. You are trying so very hot to control every aspect in his life so that he will never be around a pretty girl. That’s just not realistic. Unless you just lock him in the basement?♀️ I’m sure you probably even suggest he quit his job or get a different one or transfer departments. So I don’t think he broke up with you bc this one time you went all wild. You’ve been cray this whole time and now he’s fed up. You need to work on yourself and figure out why you can’t love yourself. You will never be able to love anyone else until you actually love yourself. So why don’t you start there.
He's a manipulative human. The person that you think is your soul mate? Sweetheart,he isn't real.
I think the only healthy thing for your is to cut ties with her. Basically every relationship one person cares more. In this one your care 2,000,000 times more and those feelings will never be reciprocated. Find someone whose on the same page as you. You deserve that.
Well you'll probably not be retiring until you are 70, so why not!
Does he have wind chimes.. there?
I would look for someone else. I would feel unloved.
Right!
“I'm in a rough patch in my marriage, should I go behind my wife's back and do something she'll be pissed about when she finds out that will probably lead to divorce? I just can't possibly figure out if I should do this!” – OP probably.
Dont feel bad grieving people can do weird things I hope you can find some help in these very hot times.
We have been together just under a year now so im not going to leave just due to this
Then you are an idiot and you are about to have your heart broken. You're 18, still basically a child. A year is not a long time for a relationship. If she ends up going without you, there will be many more women throughout your 20s who will be desperate to have you, but only if your respect yourself enough to know your own worth.
Don't sell your soul to the first girl that gives you a bit of attention.
I thank God every day I’m not 18 anymore
I wouldn’t speak to anyone at work about this as it could be misconstrued. I recommend calling your therapist, develop some boundaries, and grieve the relationship you wish you had had with your Dad. The time for daddy is over.
I’m sorry your dad was a crappy dad. You deserved better. Hugs
Madness, if you’ve been dating her for 3 years, imagine all the ‘family’ meetings she had throughout this time
bras are too spensive!
been together 3 years, living together for 1.5 Sorry, should have included that!
I would say she's fairly set on a “nice” townhouse or house…all the ones she has picked out are like 400K.
I think anything less than that won't be up to her wants. It will either be too small/too old/ not in a great area
And not that I don't have the same standards as her, but it feels like she's trying to pick and choose, and dictate everything
This.
Some men have this thing, where they get angry when their family is sick, because it's out of their control. They've been taught that anger is the only acceptable way to show emotions. He might be afraid of vulnerability, yours and by extension, his own.
Non of this is your falt. He might come around or might not, you can't do this for him. You need someplace that feels save to you, not this added stress.
I will probably suggest this to her as well. Since she will not be taking BC in March, because her doctor advised her to change BC, and before that she won't be taking anything for a month. So maybe she just won't be taking any kind of BC to see if it affects her libido.
Hate to break it to you but that’s not your girl anymore. I’m willing to bet money that shes not letting him know they were going to just be friends.
Can I ask why stay if you can’t even talk without it getting physical?
Did you consider it’s not the length it’s the width? Some women are prone to tearing and the stretch leaves them sore.
What’s happened when you’ve sat down to talk about it?
Don’t date woo woo guys Don’t date guys who refer to women as “females”
If he cheated then let him go, if you can find a good place to move to right away, do it.
If it was just online/emotional cheating then you could come back from this, but he's the one that is supposed to try and win your trust back. “He told me he didn't know what I expected him to do to prove his love” sounds like he gave up trying.
He is hoping you sunk too much in to the relationship to leave him, he is sure he must have trapped you. He is showing you who he is and what your future would be like, do you want the rest of your life to look like this?
Why should she contribute to his spending? He’s spending money he doesn’t have. Why should she get another job because he is irresponsible?
This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful furniture!
My thoughts exactly
I would excuse myself from this situation as a whole. It seems way too early to be meeting family so that reeks of immaturity, and now you’re bringing unnecessary stress to your path of sobriety.
Sounds like more harm than good overall. I would explain to the gf what my past is, what brother was doing, and how this is just all too much early on.
I agree with everything you said.
In general, do you think it's acceptable for a person to ask to see their partners phone is their is a specific reason and the person had been unfaithful in the past? Is that unfair? I knew that people would advise that we need to break up, which is valid, I'm just afraid that my request to him was unreasonable.
I agree with everything you said.
In general, do you think it's acceptable for a person to ask to see their partners phone is their is a specific reason and the person had been unfaithful in the past? Is that unfair? I knew that people would advise that we need to break up, which is valid, I'm just afraid that my request to him was unreasonable.
I ask questions and the answers will help me decide the next question. I only do this to people that have extreme responses that make me feel…bad. This is the nicest way to put it. You seem pretty blunt so you are someone I would do this too as well. It’s like creeping around the question because we know (it’s a vibe) that the person will react very strongly and make us uncomfortable.
Please break up with your girlfriend. That is so disrespectful and she deserves better
That’s a really dumb reason to want to have kids, how much worse it would’ve been for his friends family if he had kids.
Sorry to be blunt but you kind of sound like an AH. You're in love with yourself and you straight up think that your personality is the best to have, and he is somewhat lesser than you because he isn't aggressive.
Stay with him if you can respect him for who he is and recognize that he's an adult, not a fluffy lamb that you need to protect from predators.
Leave if what you want in a partner is someone who's more like you.
My dad understood as an ex alcoholic himself that I’m just lonely and insecure. I just unfortunately make bad decisions and don’t listen to my head
He needs a therapist. Tell your friend what happened
Yeah you’re right. Tbh I posted this for a tough love bc I know what’s the obvious choice here, I appreciate it /srs
I totally get it. I know I am the one to blame. I am not really good into relations and people, I wanted to validate that this is really what I should resolve this. Breaking up is rational, I just know we both will be devastated.
I might have used a wrong wording when it comes to “all this stuff”. She cares for me as much as I care for her. This is what I've meant here, and you might got the impression that the relationship is one sided. She is just at another emotional level, I care for her as much as I can.
Go to bed, Graham.
How is it obvious
Even without her brother, she's going to find out eventually. This is not a secret you can keep.
There are also rape drugs. She might have been raped.
One of my best mates is a bloke and we've been on small holidays together. His wife has no issue with it and neither does my husband. We're all adults. I have also never had issues with my husband going on holiday without me. It's nice to have time apart. It doesn't mean any less love. NTA
Asexuality is a spectrum, and having more sex in the early stages of a relationship is pretty normal since it is new and exciting. I identify as demi/gray sexual (not always sure which one) but when I met my now husband we were very active.
Sometimes sex can feel like a chore, but there are plenty of ace-persons that enjoy and seek out sex.
Why are you so concerned what others think of him, and for that matter, think of you? Be matter-of-fact and they won’t get “vindictive” about it. She can do with the information what she wants.
You keep saying you don’t think it’s a big deal, this misses the point that it’s not about what you think! It’s about what your gf thinks and feels and whether you will respect that or not.
Sadly, your whole relationship has changed, and you will never be able to look at the person the same way again.
Actually she could, but doesn't have the nerve to tell you, or she was gonna tell you on this trip. You don't know how she really feels, you only know what she's told you.
yeah but I’m usually right, at a scary rate. neither of my parents have partners or friends. I’m the worst parts of both of them.
Seems toxic. Just end it now because it will only get worse from here.
So, this is a pretty juvenile vibe I'm getting here. I get he got cheated on, and you're insecure BUT this is not a healthy relationship if you guys are this possessive and mistrustful. He's also 5 years older than you, and I think this is a really weird dynamic at his age. Like, arent you both too grown for this? I've been cheated on SOOOOOO much– but my rule is I go into every relationship and give it a clean slate and an honest shake.
This is not an honest shake.
This already oozes control issues and some pretty stupid drama later on. If you want this relationship to have any healthy development… you're both gonna have to get over it. 1. You are not his ex, and you will not cheat in him. 2. Other girls are not YOU (as in YOU are his girlfriend, and if you trust him, it should be okay for him to have female friends without you present)
The best way to ensure relationship happiness is to be yourself. If he has a massive issue with how you groom, first, wtf, second, he isn't your person. This goes beyond shaving, be yourself in all areas and you'll learn early on if you are actually compatible with someone, don't waste yours or anyone else's time by pretending to be someone you're not. Good luck!
My partner doesn’t spend time with woman one on one in a social setting without me due to his religious beliefs. Not controlling at all, he doesn’t expect the same of me since he understands I’m atheist, yet I have mutual respect and it doesn’t affect my life either way since when I’m in a relationship I don’t hangout with other men one on one. It’s not controlling at all since he told me “this is what I want for myself, I believe it is respectful and right”, and it hasn’t changed or affected anything we do in anyway since it was always subconsciously followed. It’s very healthy and works for us perfectly, we’ve been together for 8 years with no cheating or trust issues as well, happy relationship and healthy boundaries that work for two consenting adults 🙂 it’s not always negative to communicate your desires and sometimes you just find someone you are super compatible with.
You are fucking retarded. She didn't fucking get it from you, she got it from fucking Tyrone while you cried into your fucking cornflakes. Get fucking tested and move the fuck on, like your naivety is straight up pissing everyone off. She fucked other guys, but you're so desperate to get a bit of pussy again you ignore all reason and logic and just swallow her lies like a good boy. Fuck sake man.
Didn’t say you were a bad person. Said “it makes you as bad as each other” in reference to how toxic and controlling this is. You wouldn’t have made this post if other people’s opinions about it didn’t bother you, you know, since you totally 100% agree with it.
Well then tell him you need him.to use the headset as the nose is driving you crazy.
He could still cheat despite this rule. It’s just to feel more comfortable and less overthinking.
Never stay together for the sake of a child. You don't wait to raise a child in a toxic household. You're better off continuing with the divorce and coming up with a co-parenting arrangement that suits both of you and your child.
It's not toxic if you are both in agreement and on the same page. It would be toxic if one of you was trying to control the other, but if you both share this same value and neither feels like they're being forced, then there's no issue.
Aw, honey – no, none of those are normal American jokes/phrases/behavior. Everything he has said points to him having a fetish for Asian women, an unhealthy obsession with Japanese women, and an undeniably white supremacist mindset. Telling you he wants to colonize your country? That is not normal, or funny in any context – this person does not sincerely care for you. The things he says are beyond crude humor – it doesn’t sound like there’s any humor involved at all. He’s a white supremacist using you as a prop for his fetish. I’m so sorry.
Are you ready for the answer? Or are you just hoping she’ll change her mind? She just wasn’t that into you, I’d leave it at that and move on.
You could always try the Jermaine route from flight of the conchords and start with a break?
No. The OP has said they have also brought it up in messages, so not just as a reaction in the moment.
Nobody except your ex knows if she's even interested in getting back together, let alone what you would need to do to demonstrate the sort of investment in a relationship she's looking for. Ask her, not internet strangers.
Jfc dude I know you’re young but don’t be an idiot. Leave this girl, she’s not the one and you need to do better and not have such low self esteem you’d even consider staying.
I feel like it’s almost that so cute you want to squeeze them feeling? Or something along those lines. Maybe it’s a control thing? I can’t understand why he needs to do it. My therapist has referred to it as “rough play” so I don’t think it’s malicious intent from him since she hasn’t specifically said red flags or anything yet.
I understand that you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what to do. It's understandable that you would feel this way, given the complex and sensitive nature of your situation. Here are a few things to consider:
Take care of your physical health: It's important to prioritize your physical health and wellbeing, especially during pregnancy. Make sure to see a healthcare provider regularly and follow their recommendations for pre-natal care. Consider your options: It's important to take the time to think about all of your options, including parenting, adoption, and abortion. You may want to speak with a healthcare provider or counselor to help you understand the pros and cons of each option and make the decision that is best for you. Communicate with the father(s): It's important to have honest and open communication with the potential fathers about your pregnancy. You should also consider how each of them might react and how this might affect your relationship with them. Seek support: It can be helpful to talk with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and help you to explore your options and make a decision that is best for you.
It's important to remember that you have the right to make your own decisions about your pregnancy and your future. Don't feel pressured to make a decision that you're not comfortable with. Take the time to think about what is best for you and your situation.
Just like a rando on Reddit saying they’ve seen something then refuses to link it?
Since she has told you the way you approach her is wrong the best answer you will get is to ask how she wants to be approached and listen to the answer.
That's assault.
Talk about cutting things…maybe cut him out of your life. Find somebody who respects you.
I understand preferences.. but this has gone beyond that and become harassment and assault and if he can't understand why you'd be upset or right from wrong this is not somebody who want in your life
I'm sorry OP ❤️
“Contradiction/lie”
The contradiction is that you’re saying it’s perfectly fine for him to feel some sort of way about how she asks him questions and that she should cater to that, but that other people are crying for appreciating that their partners communicate courteously and ask them questions. You’re contradicting yourself by saying that it’s only okay to have feelings involved in the one scenario, but that if someone else has to “have the other person manage your emotions to ask a simple question, that’s a gigantic red flag against you, not them”.
That is a direct contradiction about the validity of feelings.
Yes!
Says one thing and does the other. Does not bode well for a healthy relationship.
He didn't text sex workers to exchange recipes with. He was looking to and probably did have sex with them. It's only been six months. He's not worth it.
that example is obviously not the same
So, you told a man you're in love with, after having sex with him, that you guys are just friends?
And this is after, from his perspective, he was waiting to be ready to reciprocate your feelings that you confessed to him a year and a half ago?
Look. You mentioned that he's not the best at discussing his feelings, but in your post you point out that you told him one thing and meant another, and have not cleared the air with him since then. You are both bad at communicating. If you want to fix the misunderstanding, you have to be willing to make yourself understood.
From where I'm sitting it looks like one of two things happened here. Either:
After you first confessed your feelings for him, he waited until he healed from his last relationship and he could reciprocate your interest. When your relationship became sexual recently, he thought you two were finally moving toward a real romantic relationship. But your immediate insistence that you are just friends having casual benefits convinced him that maybe you had moved on from your feelings and never intended to act on them, and that he had pushed you into something you didn't want, so he's pulling away. After you two became sexual, you insisted you were just friends and he realized you were lying and that you actually did still have feelings for him and that this wasn't casual for you, and he actually doesn't reciprocate the feelings you once confessed to, and now he feels bad for misreading you as having moved on. So now he's pulling away to try to avoid hurting you more.
I personally think from the situation you described, 1 is more likely but 2 is not off the table either. And there is NO way to know for sure until you clear the air.
It's a frustrating fact about life that sometimes you have to bet something to win something. If you want to get something out of him, you can't just keep hinting and pining and waiting for him to confess something to you. You can't play your cards that close forever. If you want to know something, you have to start clearing the air yourself. Yes that is risky, but you're the one who wants to change the situation. Right now he seems convinced that what he's doing is the best thing for the situation, so if you think he's wrong and want to know why he's doing it, you have to start that conversation.
You need to tell this man, flat out, “I'm in love with you and want to be in a relationship with you. Is this something you want or nah.” No matter what the answer is, it's better than this limbo.
After confrontation, OP will self-destruct this post…
in 3…2…
You absolutely need to get child support $$ from him, not for you but for your child. You cannot let that go.
Yes, I just couldn’t think of the artist while typing the comment lol
In the absence of information, my brain goes into hamster mode. I think of all kinds of different scenarios and realize I was totally off base because I didn’t have the full and complete picture.
I’m 28, and there’s no way in hell I’d date a 20 yr old.
There’s such a difference in maturity and life experience that it feels like dealing with a child in some ways. It sounds like you almost are fetishizing older women, and that’s not something most will be into. You are still growing into who you are as a person, whereas they are established in themselves. Once you get into your mid to late 20s, age gaps become less of an issue. 20 though? Definitely a nope for most women that age.
You act like going to therapy is a bad thing. You also don’t seem to realize a therapist might help OP realize they’re not being very considerate of their spouse.
There’s so much more to it though, he used to hold me and help me breathe in my panic attacks, it’s very hot for me to fathom letting him go.
It makes her feel good.
Like when a girl finally gets into shape, she starts wearing tighter clothes, maybe show some stomach. Makes her feel better about herself. Has nothing to do with attention it has to do with confidence
This. She’s satisfied her unstable sexual urges and is looking for stable love.
This is what I thought as well. She was probably taken aback and surprised because it seems like he brought it up out of now where on their commute and then also was like really ya think?????
It's not as big of a change between 25 and 30 as there is between 20 and 25 in my experience (I'm 32) I imagine there's even less change between 30-35-40 since I have close friendships with people in their fifties even. It always amazes me that 20-25 is such a pivotal time and how much growing up you do during it.
You idiot, you bafoon, you've been got by the oldest trick in the book. Come on man, your gf is no longer into you, accept that, and leave.
That might be necessary and I have plenty of male friends to stay with
Sadly not a troll. Just someone who doesn’t understand relationships.
I'm 31 and married, but if I wasn't married, I probably wouldn't date anyone younger than 35. I've never liked younger guys.
It sounds like she's just getting to know her neighbors. It's important to share contact with people who on-line around you in case of emergencies and just for basic situations. As long as she isn't hiding anything then I don't think the neighbor's secretly hitting on your wife lol.
This is such a horrifying breach of trust. How can he omit that you have a vagina? He lied to you. Full stop.
Just because you love him doesn’t mean you are sexually attracted to vaginas or breasts. That would make me feel very uncomfortable- especially if I wasn’t prewarned.
This is just so manipulative.
Drug
My biggest regret in life was getting married at 18 to a 28 year old man…it destroyed my life…my dreams and goals and my career…my advice to young ladies is to wait to get married…focus on your studies and your career.. travel…live your life…meet people…date…have fun…enjoy your hobbies…develop as a woman…make your money…become self efficient and independent…wait until 30 for marriage and children… have you ever asked yourself a question…what does a 26 year old man want with an 18 year old girl? Listen to your intuition….
He’s awful that bit about wanting to be ‘your captain’. No. He’s not the boss of you.
I just want peace. If she does that it is what it is
What you're describing is an extremely controlling relationship that's situationally abusive that you've gaslit yourself and been gaslit into thinking this is the perfect relationship. You have your whole life ahead of you, is this all you've told yourself you deserve? Sounds like you've been through a lot personally, and you two have become way too codependent. You have a therapist, they will help you through the break up which will probably be the best for you both so you can both be more independent and self confident. Also, anyone who's willing to abuse strangers in public (especially women unprovoked) is scary and unpredictable at best. Just because he doesn't do it every time you go out doesn't meant that's not exactly who he is. Don't defend or normalize abuse. Without help and a willingness to change that will only escalate and eventually turn towards you. This is not a healthy relationship at all.
Not sure if it fits based on the fact that he hasn’t liked any other women besides me. I think he’s gay because of the gay dating app, gay porn usage, etc. I’m bisexual myself, if he was bisexual, he would be comfortable saying that to me, I believe (I even joked in the past about how I wished he was lol).
But I’m not insisting he’s gay? I literally said in my post that part of me thinks he’s asexual, and that I want to believe he’s honest about being straight.
And sex in a relationship isn’t really a good indicator of someone’s sexuality, in my opinion. I mean, there have been tons of situations where gay men have sex with their wives for decades (not comparing that to my situation, but it’s an example.)
You are 25. You are grown enough to realize you need a condom. Not using one is on you as much as on him. You can't blame him when you didn't bring one either.
No. It's not a thing. It's just a terf dogwhistle.
Love what you wrote. So level headed?
That’s the argument toxic masculinity makes.
You got that right … back in my 20's (quite a while, but post HIV) my neurotic Aunt grabbed my purse instead of hers to get change for a toll booth and almost drove the car into the concrete post when she saw condoms. Poor old girl was never the same 😉
Yes we met and we’re together during uni, dated just about over a year before we had to go back home (her to india, me to Canada). Tbh I’m leaning to walk away but she says you’re overthinking too much, and every time I try to walk she would say I love you and want you but she needs time.
I’m with you on there. Doesn’t make sense and I have a weird gut feeling. I’m just giving her time at the moment, but honestly, whatever her answer, something is off and not sure if I can trust her anymore. As for 6 years ago, I think it was more of an impulse decision and we were young so I give her the benefit of doubt during then.
Him at 41 years old. Getting a 25-year-old is you dating a 9-year-old child. That's the issue people have with this. Do you feel comfortable realizing this information? I mean seriously at 25 years Old you should be feeling like people that are like 18 and 19 are children. Why doesn't he feel the same way for someone that is 16 years younger than him?
????? disgusting behavior, she does not own your body and has no right to access it whenever she wants to. Pressure, pushy behavior and coercion are disgusting and concerning. If this is a pattern I would rethink the relationship
Wow, your bf had no idea bigger dicks than his existed. At 35. Must be quite the reveal for him… Honestly, it's so immature. Especially that you were not even fantasizing out loud about having a bigger dick than his available. You were saying that the big ones hurt. Which, yeah they do. And it's not nice. So what, he'd rather have a huge dick that you don't enjoy? I would say the only thing for you to do is to wait for him to mature but that may be a while. Let him sulk, don't enable him. He is being ridiculous.
Thank you kindly
???????
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My gf and I have been together for 7 years. I've always assumed we'd get married 'one day' but I've recently decided that I'm pretty close to being ready to pop the question.
I want it to be a surprise, but I also want to get a ring she really likes. I know she is somewhat particular from ring conversations we have had previously but these have always been initiated by her and I feel it would seem Hella suspicious if I suddenly asked 'Hey, do you like the look of these rings?' Because of said conversations I feel I'm not completely lost but I definitely want to be more confident.
TLDR; How do I get engagement ring preferences without giving the game away?
EDIT: Just wanted to clarify that we have talked about marriage, we both believe it to be on the cards for the short-medium future. My problem I'm trying to solve is how to get information on ring preferences without ruining the surprise of the proposal and the ring itself.
And we dont know that he is being a dick about it like everyone is implying. So why is everyone acting like he is?
That’s why I said it was just a theory, duh :V
Thank you, I have learned that lesson.
Just my thoughts
Possibly Probably not. I would guess he's trying to figure out his next steps and perhaps somewhat embarrassed? More than likely, yes. Kind of goes with ques 1 Try to live! your everyday life, whatever that may be. Perhaps text him every once in a while and let him know you are still there without pushing a get together. Let him know you still care about him.
He is basically saying he only likes you for your skin color. You’re a fetish to him. It will probably be something harder for him to overcome as people from poorer countries like him put a premium on lighter color skin as it indicates you don’t have to work out in the sun all day. Obviously it is a nonsensical belief in most of the western world where it indicates the opposite. That you’re able to leisure in the sun and get outside or something healthy.
Damn came for my head lol but I respect the perspective. Also I’m a girl not her bf lol
I probably would not check the prescription bottle, but I can see a situation where someone else may have if they’re more nosey than I am.
She would probably keep it to herself if she did see it though. I can’t say for sure though as I don’t know her. If you’re really worried it’s worth a convo. She’s your partner. There’s no reason to be shy or embarrassed or anything.
Does he do the same back for you? Do you get to watch him like an ant under a magnifying glass? If you don't I would definitely stops because yeah this is not normal. He does not need to know what you're doing every second of every day. And watching you while you sleep is just totally creepy. Sounds extremely controlling, jealous, and insecure.
Absolute deal breaker for me
Can you dm.me?
They didn’t. your point was just not relevant.
What can you do to fix it?
Respect the space that he's asked for when he finished with you. Don't reach out to him at all, if he changes his mind, he'll be in touch.
You need to work on your anxiety and insecurities. Look into the anxious preoccupied attachment style because you were smothering this guy, was way too intense and was trying to move the relationship at lightning speed which has turned him off and caused him to go the other direction.
Work on yourself, or you're gonna keep finding yourself in this situation
I think you are owed an explanation without you prompting her. You need to have some self respect and show her that you cannot just have a revolving door policy in a marriage. That break was caused by something. She took the children and upended everyone’s life to just saying nothing caused all this? She needs a bit of humility for the unhappiness and hurts she has caused. If you are to move forward you deserve an explanation, so that you can begin to heal from this. I think you are being a bit passive, perhaps.
Then you say “huh, I don't know either. Let's look it up or call someone who would know.”
Can’t expect things you don’t give ?♀️
yeah, altho my memory is not like hers. she could actually recall anything, i can only recall stuff that i purposefully paid atention to(on command, but unconsciously i recall stuff i had no idea about all the time)
thank you. i just felt guilty bc u would see him super busy and stuff and idk in the. begging of the break up i was like “damn maybe u should have been more chill and let him do his thing”
he worked a 9-5… and has an architecture firm in a. different country
i also am working /studying architecture
It's not a good analogy as it's impossible to prove the existence of God. Like if a religious person could do a simple test to prove that God existed, do you not think they'd do it?
Whereas paternity can be proven with a few cheek swabs.
Lol
Whatever guy she left you for didn't work my dude. Grass wasn't greener. If you even ever consider this you need counseling and to pry whatever she's hiding out of her. You guys can't just go back to where you left off, this is one of those start from scratch, getting to know your partner again type situations. Good luck but remember that if you forgive her you'll be accepting the possibility of her doing this again and doing it the exact same way. Do you want to feel like that again?
incredible video, thank you! i have struggled with excuse/explanation in the past as well
I’d take it a step further and involve his parents (assuming all is well in that department)
Personally, my love language is acts of service. To show someone I love them I do one of their chores, cook for them, go pick something up for them, etc.
A singular beer is 5% alcohol, and you stop at one, I don't see how this feels excessive. Reddit seems to think any kind of drinking equals someone basically passed out in the gutter every night. Plenty of cultures have a drink with dinner, literally everyone in Italy would be an alcoholic if you looked at it as a problem. And you say you specifically choose German beer because it tastes better, it's not like you're just drinking Keystone because it's there and you need to get a buzz. I'm sorry I just don't see how one drink a night means someone has a full blown drinking problem because they might use it to relax. Plus wine can have more alcohol than beer, why would it be the better choice?
If your partner has a history of alcoholism in his family it makes sense for him to maybe be a little wary, and for him to express his concerns to you, but that doesn't mean that you actually have a problem. You can reassure him, and yeah, keep your drinking in check, but jumping right to alcoholism is an overreaction.
I don’t think you can keep caring for your grandma if it’s putting you in the hospital.
Yes okay but let’s be real. She’s 35! The latest women can usually have children and not have some serious repercussions is like 42 and that’s pushing it. So you’re telling me, she’s going to break up, find a new man who wants to marry her and let alone have children in a very few short years. All while being totally broke unable to support herself. Yeah right. Oh, we also assume this mystery man can and wants to support a woman, himself and these kids? The chances are pretty slim in my eyes.
something is off here
dig deeper my friend
Nope don't ask, he's shown his true colors. If she pushes back he'll get back in her good graces until he's abusive again. It's literally they cycle of abuse. Abuse until push back, then apologize and be sweet. Then abuse again. Eventually the sweet becomes less and less.
You could report it to the police. This sounds similar to revenge porn or harassment tbh. You didn’t send him the photos or your bf’s contact info, so he shouldn’t have rights to them.
What?
My apologies, I wasn’t specifically suggesting that he’s a catfish. I was speaking more about dishonesty in general.
Thankyou for your response, he does keep our apartment tidy and does not play games or anything. And neither of us have a religious background
So basically, reinforce unhealthy attachment and co-dependant issues?
As someone “older” than OP and his wife, doesn't actually mean wiser.
There should be a healthy compromise.
If not for yourself then for your kids sake don't reconcile. They saw that how she was betraying you and stood with you, by reconciling with your ex, you'll be betraying your kids.
Bro she literally was trying to control your life. Telling you who you can and can’t follow meanwhile when you tried to set the same boundaries she instantly told you know and was gaslighting the shit out of you. She took advantage of you during the whole thing. My guy listen to me and listen clearly you did nothing wrong except for letting her walk all over you. You did nothing wrong . I understand man love is very hot but remember from here on out 3 things you need to make sure you do before you get in another relationship so to protect yourself and to weeded out all the bad apples. 1) work on boundaries, so that you can weeded out all the bad apples.2) love is not a one way street it’s 50/50 no more no less, if a women is putting all these restrictions on you but when you start to set your own boundaries and she won’t let you then red flags should be sounding off in your head.)3 I know us kind heart people don’t like confrontation or getting involved with drama but don’t ever ever let someone disrespect you no matter who it is stand your ground and don’t let no other human treat you differently or with little to no respect. You got this dawg you really do you will just have to get it through your mind that this was not love.
Don't do it. Your wife might say she's okay with it but when the reality of the situation hits she won't be and your marriage will be over.
Currently dating someone like you. Dude is super philosophical. Has a pretty expansive knowledge of a shit ton of topics. He likes listening to podcasts that talk about psychology and self reflection. And you know, i don't know a whole about certain things he likes. Like Greek and Roman mythology. Or ancient philosophers. I never got into Lord of the Rings and I have a very limited knowledge on a lot of classic literature.
That being said, I do have a lot of knowledge that he doesn't. I have a pretty in depth knowledge about anatomy and physiology. And animals (especially exotic animal care). I know (and can talk for hours) about the history of a lot of blues/rock/metal bands. I have a pretty vast knowledge about horror movies and practical special FX. I've read a big chunk of everything Stephen King has ever written. Along with any other big horror novel. I know about psychology but moreso criminal and abnormal psychology rather than philosophy and self reflection.
We both recognize and enjoy that about each other. We're knowledgeable but in very different ways. Since we both enjoy learning in general, sitting down and listening to each other talk about the things we enjoy is really something that brings us together.
So maybe she isn't as intellectual as you but maybe she has some things she's extremely knowledgeable and passionate about. I feel like being in a relationship, it's important to take interest in each other interests. Not everyone is the same. I feel that a relationship can work with two totally different people so long as both people make an effort to take interest in the others passions. Maybe you take her to museums sometimes and she can show you things she enjoys.
Ok wait. He said it’s not a deal breaker to not have sex, but he’s hyper sexual…those are two opposites. I don’t understand.
And that love language is physical touch, it doesn’t specifically have to be sex
Yeah it’s very hot. It was really hard for me learning how to do this and I often put myself into situations I had little to no desire to be in. Only after so many occurrences and wasting everyone’s time, I finally managed to do it. But even now it’s still difficult for me. It’s tough and yes he’ll be disappointed and you’ll feel bad initially, but ultimately it’s better for everyone.
Does SHE want to marry you? Do you want to get married ever? These two questions determine what you do next. If the answer to either is yes – and the answer to one of them you can know on your own – then you will need to move on from the relationship.
You need professional help. You have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. It doesn't have to do with your girlfriend.
Except you don’t want to commit to marriage. Thus, fear of commitment.
You just aren’t tht into her. Let her go asap.
She shouldn't have to do that though. He should respect her very reasonable request.
Sorry my guy by the sounds of it you already are hope this will be a life lesson
Whenever you plan on making something for him ask him to join you to help that way you’re not only doing it. If he says no then tell him that you enjoy/love cooking and it would mean the world if y’all get past it. Other than that just give it time to adjust
Doesn’t sound like he loves you, because that’s not how you treat someone you love. Think about it.
I've seen people make an “FU” binder – basically where they document date, time, any witnesses, pictures of abuse etc.
Abusers tend to be master manipulators. It might help should it come down to courts and restraining orders.
Obviously keep it secret.
My take is that there was a bit of back and forth recently between them on Facebook or whatever where she toyed a bit with the idea and then rebuked him a'd she knows he plans on telling you.
Probably you'll have a lot more information about what happened from him.
BPD is actually borderline personality disorder
Porn is a fantasy until it starts negatively impacting your real life.
My ex was like this. He knew all the right things to say regarding feminism until pushed to truly self-evaluate and then it would become obvious that he cared a lot more about getting off to extreme imagery than about the safety of women, including myself. After the first two years together, he wouldn’t stop immediately if I said “ouch” or asked him to stop outright. He’d claim he was so in the moment he just didn’t hear me. He’d get frustrated if I needed to stop and he stopped caring about my O. He no longer wanted to spend time in bed together after. If I initiated, I got turned down, so we were only having sex when he wanted to. There were a million “reasonable” excuses he came up with, but ultimately I realized he didn’t really see me as a person anymore. His porn use had increased a lot after the first two years. And ironically, I was the kinkier and hornier person, so I felt starved for quality sexual attention.
Porn does change how men view women. That’s not a popular take, but I’ve experienced it personally.
Well said.
Don't know if my logic makes sense
I do understand what you're saying, particularly in light of your other comments about being cheated on in your last long term relationship. Emotions are often not logical, so you don't have to strain yourself trying to make them make sense.
What you do need to prepare yourself for is if your partner understands your position, but does not agree it is grounds for changing his behavior. In that scenario, you may have to confront whether this is a deal breaker boundary or one in which you simply need some reassurance after he partakes in these activities (maybe he can describe what took place, the types of conversations and direct reassurance that no flirtation took place).
The best remedy may be for you to make an effort to join him the next time he's going on a trip where there will be these co-ed saunas so you can see first hand the interactions.
Ugh. He is telling you over and over and over how little he cares about your needs.
Don’t waste any more time with this. You’re better off alone, at least you won’t be constantly disappointed by someone who clearly has no shits to give. And bad in bed to boot? He’s not exactly bringing a lot to the table.
Can you read?
This is your chance to take care of yourself. Get off of Reddit and think about the next steps you’re going to take.
This reads like “I apologized so I don't know why you are still bringing this up” as if apologizing wipes everything clean, without any actual charging of ways. Usually when things get brought up from long ago its because they caused real pain and trauma and OP's attitude of “I said sorry, get over it, what else can I do” is very typical of someone who doesn't want to actually change, because that is EXACTLY what else you can do, change.
exactly, they are just delaying the inevitable. its only pushing them further apart
Yah, she's not leaving him over flowers. She's leaving him over his apathy. OP you can do so much better! 10 million times better!
I don't understand why you are pushing her towards someone she already decided she doesn't want to pursue.
You should really learn to understand that people developing feelings towards someone else is normal. Just because you didn't find someone yet for whom you became infatuated doesn't make it any less normal. And your wife decided against pursuing those feelings. She decided for your marriage but you are stomping all over it.
Good luck ruining your marriage on bad reddit advice.
I call it “relationship OCD” because I read something about it and didn’t know how else to term it but you’re probably right. I’m sure it’s more anxiety related. Didn’t mean to self diagnose there. But thank you for the wonderful insight, it really means a lot. I don’t know how to explain to him that I’m afraid of staying together because we’ve never dated other people. I’ve brought it up once before, much earlier on, and he didn’t feel the same way… in fact it hurt him. It really makes me feel like a terrible person for thinking these things.
You aren’t unlovable from what i have red, just seems like you got unlucky with your dude. I can relate with you though i have only been in one relationship where i got took on dates and even though some were sucky they were still funny and it was nice to have a change of scenery. Id say just show the exact same energy and enthusiasm as him and see if he decides to take some initiative and plan stuff or just slowly fade away and break it up with him. You can do so much better and i mean that in a nice and serious way… there are twice as many men on dating apps to women so im sure you wont have an issue finding someone new
Question: Is this breakup something he knows is coming, or is this going to catch him off guard?
I feel like you're talking down to me, and I don't even know you. Perhaps it's your delivery style. I think continued counseling with keeping an open mind towards change is best. Or if it absolutely can't be resolved, separate for a few months and see if each of you are happy. Divorce only when absolutely necessary.
Fake it but only if his birthday is important to him
I am sorry what you went through, at the moment I am just in a panic mode and I don't know what to do.
Yes I will have to tell my kids but it's just that I am so broken and torn apart that I don't want them to feel the same way, like words are not coming out of my mind and I am just so messed up.
Stop making assumptions and focus on the facts at hand. You're sexually incompatible, you've talked about it, and nothing has changed.
Knowing that, is that really want you want to commit to for the rest of your life? Then after that you provide a laundry list or reasons why you're miserable. I think you know the answer here, and it's obviously the one you're avoiding. Good luck.
Depending on hers and your TikTok settings, she can see every time you look at her profile.
Yes, I have been in this situation. I was with a woman for 5 years who had herpes, and I was had to decide if I wanted to stay with her. Very difficult but ultimately I decided to stay. I’m no longer with her, and I’m not sure I would do it again.
She was on Valtrex and was very diligent about looking out for signs. Of course after a couple years we were only having sex a couple times a month, but she was very responsible about it. I went into it fully expecting to be infected, but surprisingly I didn’t. I’ve been tested and have never had an outbreak in the 15 years since we started dating.
I think if I were in your position, I would take a week or two to decide if that’s really worth the risk, then go slow and not have sex for awhile if you do decide. I think the likelihood is pretty good that a lot of partners will transmit it. Even condoms don’t guarantee protection.
He is respectful, kind and considerate nearly all the time. Social anxiety is just something that he is still working on and understandably it was a tough situation for him. Even though people are shitting on him for a mistake he made in a stressful moment im still very proud of him for sticking through the dinner and trying his best. Its baby steps and this was definitely a stumble but im still going to stick by him.
No prob and if it doesn't work out, learn from this and move on. You both are still very young.
Wow, what she said to you is NOT OKAY. Tell her what you just wrote out. Let her know that in the moment, you were felt and didn’t know how to react so you had to excuse yourself. Hopefully she apologizes. She sure should.
Ok so this adds another layer to his standoffishness. He knows you shouldn't 'shit where you eat' and wants to keep this at arms length so that if it goes south, you can still on-line somewhat harmoniously in the same building.
Also, not to be a broken record but “if you wanna come over for dinner you can” is not a genuine invitation. It sounds like an attempt be polite after receiving oral sex from you and the fact that you declined shows you see that too. If he had said something like, 'I'd love to cook you dinner one evening at my place', I think you would have said yes.
I know it's exciting to be exploring your sexuality but maybe you should take the hints he's been giving and look elsewhere. Now that you have some new found confidence from these hook ups, go on some dates and find someone to hook up with that doesn't on-line in your building.
You’re hurt, that’s natural and expected. You will probably feel this way for a while- there is really no magic way to make it go away, except for time and perspective.
Do not try to remain friends. He is telling you he is not in a place to be in a relationship with you- please listen to that. He is actually doing you a favor by being honest and allowing you to move on. The cowardly thing would be to string you along. Maybe you can be friends in the future, once you have taken time away from each other. But if it’s not working for him, for whatever reason, and you’d be miserable if this relationship continued.
My personal recommendation: go no contact. Do not look at his socials, do not try to get info from mutual friends. Doing these things will make it much harder to move on. A clean break hurts at first but it is the best way forward.
It’s hard. But you will get through it.
Holy Jesus people, quit crucifying the new BF for Pete’s sake… he was f*%king nervous!
For all of the people doing that, have you ever said something as a joke when incredibly nervous or scared (poorly worded/inappropriate etc.) and then dying a little inside as a result?
I doubt any of you will answer truthfully if you decide to answer at all because you know you’re guilty of it.
Sure, I agree perhaps the nervous jitters made OPs BF speak without thinking as much as it was inappropriate of a joke. I don’t think it is the absolute worst thing a person could have said or done in the presence of meeting the parents.
OP, my best advice is to maybe talk to your parents about the awkwardness. First ask them why there is this awkwardness because it’s making you feel like they are unsupportive of your sexuality and it’s messing with you. Perhaps they will reaffirm their support, and tell you exactly what the change is about. Maybe, they will tell you the joke did put them off as it’s understandable.
Maybe there’s reason as to why your BF was extra nervous (was he unsupported by his family, did his family disown him etc.) or was he super scared knowing he was the first BF ever introduced to your parents? Either way, this isn’t the end of all things. People make mistakes, your parents and BF are no exception in that.
Give it some time and I’m sure your parents would appreciate a more PG do-over at some point in future.
This is multi level cringe. Goes way beyond a gay thing though I’m sure that contributes. Very hot to recover from this one. Some things are best left unsaid
Yeah….that’ll win points..
I’m sorry but why would you move in with someone that has already betrayed your trust in a huge way. By your list of boundaries, it’s pretty apparent that you still do not trust him, which I don’t blame you! Please save your time and embarrassment and do not move in with this guy.
I'm so sorry he did this to you. His wants were more important to him than you. Let's say it did happen the way he said (it definitely did not) how could you ever feel safe with someone who doesn't HEAR or LISTEN when you say no?! I'd be terrified he would do it again because if you stay with him there are no consequences for what he did so NOTHING stopping him from doing it again and maybe next time he doesn't stop and takes it too far and ends your life.
I request the highest of fives!
Tell her that it's not negotiable. Tell her that she needs to decide between having kids or being your wife. She has every right to want certain things… but so do you. And if the two of you can't agree, well, now you know what celebrities mean by “Irreconcilable differences”.
I did it! I really wanted to be serious about them when I did it, but I knew better.
He sounds like a good candidate for a program
Good grief. My wife knew I was going to propose before I did. The delay was just me deciding when and where. We were already living together, shared our lives together. She “threatened” to propose to me (pretty radical in the ‘90s) which made me accelerate my when and where (basically the park where we had our first kiss, couldn’t remember which bench so I just guessed). Five years is long enough. Either sh*t or get off the pot.
Exactly bro exactly
One way to help, might be to tell him what has you anxious first. Like “babe I’m so happy you’re here. the distance makes me anxious at times so im happy we havre this time.”
That way, he isnt guessing whats going on in your head, you arent dumping only anxiety, and you give him the opportunity to reassure you or have a deeper conversation.
Ugh. You sound awful.
You're not wrong. I think it may be time to plan to move out.
We did have a couple conversations about it but it was all me bringing the issues to the table. Even then, he struggled to see my point and it took him a while but at the very most all he could say was, “I failed you on that one.” One point on many I made. ( He acknowledged that he never brought up issues). I don’t count that as an apology.
Why is she not coming along to Disneyland?
And what I’d they’re truly unbiased? What if that slim chance exists in this relationship? I know it is naive to think this way, but this thought still intrigues me
You asked.
OP honest question. Are you having sex to just get yourself off or are you actually trying to make love. Is your goal your own satisfaction or is your love making goal to ensure your gf has the most pleasant experience possible?
You need to talk to her about why. Does she have any female medical issues? Is she going on or off a medication? Is she depressed/stressed? Is there intimacy without the expectation of sex? There’s a lot of complex factors. You’re both so young, but if she won’t communicate and you genuinely feel like this is an incompatibility that won’t resolve itself then do what’s best for you.
are you saying you find zero women other than her attractive? its fine to find someone very hot. you shouldnt be offended if she finds a celebrity hard, and normal people are going to have a chance to be hot as well. its fine, she’s being upfront with you about it so i feel you have even less to worry about than if she told you she found no other men attractive ever
Yes. One day he will magically change into the man you want
That’s very strange that he would be so cagey about his address. What college starts in late Nov/ early Dec? Are you sure he’s at school?
I think it was more the way each of us managed our finances, but gave me excellent insight how he thought. Just talking casually about how we will merge finances doesn't get down to the nitty gritty. Paying off the ex-girlfriend's car was the last straw. It was some kind of small, plain white car. I told him if I was going to pay off another car, it would be one I chose. He didn't get that and thought since he was stuck with the car anyway (he owed more than it was worth) that I should suck it up and sell my paid-off car.
Please tke your time. It is way too early in your relationship to be discussing marriage. Her eggs have another 10 years before she needs to worry.
The parents were the guests
But we haven't been intimate in over 3 years.
Yoooooooo.
Ignoring the teeth thing – which is huge by the way, and not normal. 3 years without intimacy is enough of a reason to leave.
I’m not totally familiar with things but isn’t polyamory and an open relationship two different things? From my understanding polyamory adds other people to the relationship, all one big (happy?) family. Whereas open relationship means that the two partners are allowed to sleep with other people but the marital twosome stays intact (hopefully).
Since it doesn’t sound like she wants to bring in another woman to share with you and you don’t sound like you’re interested in another guy, it sounds more like an open relationship. Open relationships have an a terrible rate of success, something like under 15%. That’s with both partners who want it to work. I’m sure the rate is pretty much zero if one partner doesn’t want it. I would just say no, if you’re feeling really generous offer to revisit it after the kids move out. There’s no way they don’t find out if you have an open relationship now. There’s much more stigma to that than divorced parents. If she willing to wait fine, if not you have no choice but to divorce her and let her make some other guy miserable.
So? Am I supposed to be moved by YOUR shot in the dark regarding my personality, after the person above chewed my ass out cus they thought I was PoC.
I work with the BPP. So I put my money where my mouth is. Check my post history.
Try and upset me more.
I personally would not keep it ourely because of your partner. If i was in your shoes. If you're worried about your health I'd ask a doctor as you'll have to be checked out anyway due to the IUD.
But if he is so adamant against having kids- why has he not gotten a vasectomy yet? If you continue to be with him you should at the very least explain to him that you will not have sex without condoms again. Ever. Unless he gets a vasectomy.
He may or may not be a creep, but what you did is definitely creepy
You dump her.
Your life is full, and she is not fitting in.
None of what she did would bother me unless she shook ALL the soda cans so that none were drinkable for him. Shake your own and enjoy your flat soda, but leave these others for the normal people.
She said the hair is in ziplocks, not loose.
She was afraid to tell me as well because of that same mindset. I told her as long as she is clean and doesn’t do that when we’re together I don’t care and she needed to delete any messages from them and block them all. 1 year later we were married because I saw past that because we were in love. If he feels the same he should be able to over like it as well
Bring up your concerns with them.
I’m not qualified to tell you if you are or aren’t, and they may not be either, but they can guide you to finding out
I hope you never get stalked cause it seems you’d never do anything about it
Gain some self respect holey sheet
Why are you blowing this guy for nothing?
You want sex, he only wants his half of sex, so break up. Easy mode OP
Find a man that wants to please you
ohh i hadn’t heard about love bombing before. I searched it up and he does many of those things but he doesn’t make me feel dependent on him and when i talk to him about my day or my interests it really does look like he cares.
I know the boundary thing is a big deal but everything he’s done a part of me did want. even though i’ve told him i’m uncomfortable, he hasn’t made me feel bad about anything we’ve done and he’s so gentle with me.
Is she taking care of herself? Like is it clean? Vaginas all have different odors, and some of the scents you might pick up can mean different things. Her ph balance could be off if she’s taking care of herself properly. Otherwise if hygiene is not the problem, there could be other issues. You shouldn’t be able to smell it a mile away but it’s not supposed to smell like roses.
It’s your right to abstain but I’m not surprised people have ghosted you. It may be your belief and values but sex to most people is an important aspect of a relationship.
I don’t think this relationship will work.
She’s 35. Any pregnancy at this point or after will be considered a high risk pregnancy. You want her to go through that because you can’t decide whether or not you even actually want kids? Dude. Talk about selfish. Your wife liking house projects and international travel is WAY different than expecting her to go through the physically and sometimes psychologically traumatic reality that is pregnancy because… you can’t make a decision on whether or not to have kids and because you can’t be mature and have a proper conversation where you don’t make her cry. I feel so bad for your wife.
Tell them in a polite fashion to fuck off. They wanna bitch tell them bitch at him. You enjoy the wedding
On the off chance this isn't made up you're absolutely not a “nice guy” lol
He says they were coming up on their anniversary. He doesn't say when the wedding will be. This isn't the eve of the wedding.
Even then. If the doubts are just beginning, that is the time to bring them up.
Sounds like you two may be too young to be living together if you keep needing to effectively have time outs like this all the time.
That's his sister. Suggesting that the only thing actually stopping people from having inappropriate relationships with their siblings is whether or not they're actually related by blood, is fucking gross.
You're being absolutely ridiculous and have serious issues you need to work out.
I am the person that would clean the apartment, cook, do groceries etc. he’s always busy at work.
Look up what a professional would take per hour, present him the bill for it.
Seriously your whole relationship doesn't sound like it will be working. You are already arguing about money where the usual solution should be to pool your incomes. It's unreasonable to share costs 1:1 – especially when your incomes are differing that much.
Under the conditions you listed I'd tell my partner: “You know what? I pass on the living together and having a child with you. You sound like a modern day Scrooge not a partner.”
You're not missing anything. Everything you laid out is completely valid besides you thinking that it's a minor thing. It's a major thing. If you're not on the same page, you should stop wasting each other's time.
Today dating almost always implies exclusivity. A quick google says What does dating really mean? “Simply put, dating means both people are only focused on one another. They're not juggling other people,”
It IS weird, and honestly manipulative
Do what you feel you need to do. You have to do what's best for your kids. What if he got high and neglected the children and they got hurt ? What if he drops a pill and the kids find it ? What if he gets arrested for doing something stupid and you have CPS come ? Or worse ? I hate what if-isms but with addicts/users, it's completely plausable any of these things can happen.
If you think his parents will help, then reach out to them. Your BF needs help, but unless he wants it, things will never change for the better.
Do you have any support systems ? Friends, family, anyone that you can go to for help ? Do you get along with his parents ?
Why in gods name did he schedule his wedding for anywhere near your graduation?!
Why in gods name did he schedule his wedding for anywhere near your graduation?!
Why in gods name did he schedule his wedding for anywhere near your graduation?!
No offense to you or the user above you, but that’s an incredibly low bar. For your spouse to stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable regarding pornography/intimacy, that should be the bare minimum. We expect far too little of our parters sometimes.
I really hope OP sees this comment.
A person who enjoys casual sex isn’t comparable to a drug addict.
If this is real (which I highly doubt), la-di-freaking-dah.
At least your son was honest with you that if Max ditches you (which you can bet on that 100%), you'll be alone with your daughter. You can cry all you want.
I really hope this is fake written by someone who had a lot of free time.
If this is real (which I highly doubt), la-di-freaking-dah.
At least your son was honest with you that if Max ditches you (which you can bet on that 100%), you'll be alone with your daughter. You can cry all you want.
I really hope this is fake written by someone who had a lot of free time.
She’s weird and it’s a huge red flag it’s shady behavior and she’s probably cheating on you
But how do we know that? There isn’t enough info in this post to jump to that conclusion? Unless you looked through ops history which I didn’t so there that possibility.
….what do you think “not keeping it” otherwise implies? Adoption is certainly not the responsible option. Regardless if she did put the baby up for adoption, she should still tell him. She can’t change the fact that she didn’t take Plan B, if that’s what you’re suggesting. Plan B likely wouldn’t have worked in the first place since she was likely ovulating, considering she got pregnant in the span of four days. Like, you’re simply not thinking. No thoughts just words
That's official statistics. And he just wants someone without any teeth to have a better blow job, so if you are so sure of your thesis, find him an attractive woman without teeth.
Top comment/summation.
OP, I’m a woman, and a mother. You came here for validation, and I think you’re 100% correct. 99% of the comments I’ve read are completely missing the point. I agree with you, after two years separated, and only one month of possibly trying again, this kind of ultimatum is a wildly outrageous and inappropriate. You are valid in thinking that. Everything else is honestly irrelevant.
I am a cishet woman, but your story made me cry tears of joy, because I’m happy that another woman gets to live her life in love.
Lmao this is fake af. Otherwise my 5 year old son has more awareness and spine than you my dude.
Take the trash out, or enjoy tasting someone else’s potential kids for the rest of your life ?♂️
How can you not be in a relationship but exclusive? The label is : we are talking
I’m saying that you shouldn’t bring it up to him. This is something for you to work through on your own.
I mean, I sort of already agreed, and both of them sound really excited, but I don't really know.
Consent to a sexual act can be revoked at any time. You shouldn't go through with something worried that if you don't it will “upset” the other party or parties. That's a recipe for disaster.
Why do you think a chair is more “clean” than a hotel floor? People put their butts on the chair.
I struggle with IBS. Farting is basically a guessing game. ?
That’s alarming how many in the younger crowd don’t know about this or assume it’s normal guy behavior. This has nothing to do with men vs women thinking. Even a woman could be guilty of coercion. I had a similar relationship back when I was 20. It was so bad I was completely turned off from sex. I wound up dumping that guy, had enough of him. Then I started to realize the problem and that men worth their weight in salt don’t act like that. Now I’m dealing with a gentleman on here who some how isn’t conceiving how coercive sex is rape when penetration is involved even though for both terms, lack of consent is necessary.
As in no one died? Yeah well, people in my family did die of COVID. That’s why this got to me. That and the weird behaviour in general. Thanks though.
When I was 16 and I was working as a hostess at a restaurant some drunk guy kept very openly hitting on me and wouldn't leave me alone. I kept telling him I had a fiance and as my boss was walking by he heard him. Stopped, backed up and said she is engaged, he is on the back, on the grill, do you want to meet him. It took a man to make him stop.
Yes!!!!! So many guys will call immediately to “give you their number” without having to read it out to you, but also as a sly way to double check that the number you gave was real. There’s no way to know if this is going to happen beforehand, so giving a fake number is also a RISK.
Absolutely! I’ve had plenty of guys at bars go “oh well he’s not here is he?” and I have to then pretend he wasn’t extremely rude and excuse myself in fear, or tell a bartender/bouncer if I feel I have a good opportunity to. Literally any retaliation is a risk. Check r/whenwomenrefuse to see what some men do when women simply reject their romantic/sexual advances.
All of this to say, my boyfriend doesn’t blame me for any of these experiences. He knows that any attention I give erratic, drunk/drugged guys is purely out of SELF-PRESERVATION and nothing more. As I said in another comment of mine a while back, you can’t stop someone from cheating if they want to cheat. OP’s reaction raises a red flag in my mind as unnecessarily controlling under the guise of “safety.” Guess what? Women know the risks of these incidents when they go out. Guess what then? They still go out, not out of ignorance, out of acknowledgement of the fact that they still deserve to live and have a good time. We shouldn’t have to hide away just because we’re women. And if a woman gets solicited by a man, that’s not her fucking fault, and anyone who thinks it is is a victim blamer.
OP, stop fucking victim-blaming your girlfriend. This is very alarming and something tells me if she were ever sexually assaulted, that you would not be supportive since she “chose” to go out, as if that’s something she should have to give up for your ass.
Yes you should tell her. You should’ve told her 4 years ago.
Good ideas aren't really his thing.
Get your daughter out now, this is a disaster building in your life.
Well it's definitely not all in your head. You have the proof of him being sneaky before. Sorry that you are dealing with this issue from two different men. You don't have to put up with this treatment.
Benefit of the doubt to Amy, is it possible she is trying to protect her kids from your son's mother? Baby mama sounds like she is going to be a lot of trouble and likely your son is going to have a lot of issues.
Amy may just be in protection mode.
Either way get a lawyer.
Nope- hard boundary. You want to build your life, not be under the thumb of a controlling woman. Just because she ants it doesn’t mean that it has to happen. This would be a dealbreaker for me. Do not give up your housing to on-line like Riis.
Couples counseling isn't for this. If you stay you risk losing your children to CPS.
Get her to move out and file a police report.
Block her and go no contact
Your MIL has poor health, but yet she is the one sleeping in the living room? Why doesn’t BIL give up his space? Now that he is employed, in the interest of what is best for his mothers health, he needs to move to his own apartment, so she can have his old room to beat facilitate her recovery . Freeing up the living room for you to work. Do Not back down. You are being treated horribly
Yep, it's just like weight watchers. Same thing with unrestricted foods and limited categories of others. Didn't enough of us watch our parents yoyo diet with this stuff? She already did it once and gained back everything she lost and more.
I don't agree with her girlfriend's tone or behavior, but I would recommend taking a healthier route to weight loss. It's not always easy to figure out what's sustainable for ourselves, but some weird program with category a and category b foods and a platinum award if you decide to exercise is likely not to be it long-term.
Protect him from anything. People trying to hurt him in any way, shape, or form.
And so was threatening to hurt my boyfriend. Eye for an eye is honestly too lax so he’s lucky.
I don't understand why you still with him.. leave and don't let the kids with him
Congrats on leaving that mf! We're proud of you!
He was on-line with a friend yeah, but I never do this, is it so bad to go away once?