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Date: October 9, 2022
AmateurPub
Manipulators do that. Then gaslight you into making all bad things your fault.
For sure and that’s my way to cope with it . Not sure why o was downvoted I’m sure everyone’s uncomfortable with that? If you heard how loud she is you’d cringe too. It’s like she’s in the same room it’s that loud.
Okay, and did she post things like this before she started dating you? As in, when you met her, did you already know that she liked posting selfies where she feels good? And if yes, were you hoping she would change herself to date you? (Hoping being the key word here, okay? I’m not implying you want to force her to change or anything)
Hence there's 0.01% chance of that
THIS. FUCKING THIS.
what you need is to learn how to banter. 'Small talk' is an aspect of this, but it might be easiest to specifically learn how to 'banter.'
Watch TV! Specifically trashy reality tv. im talking love island, or too very hot to handle, or any flirtatious reality tv. Make a study of it. Most of conversational skills are about saying nothing but still being engaging and entertaining. Watching people flirt is all banter. Listen to social comedy podcasts (Rogan, Lex Fridman is probably right up your alley because he gets anxiety over social interactions too). Just expose yourself to high level conversationalists. Watch seinfeld/friends/etc…
Honestly, probably the way that i transitioned from someone who got stressed out from conversations to someone comfortable with talking and flirting was this; I forced myself to go to bars and i picked up smoking cigarettes. Find a dive bar or a singles bar or just a bar that makes you feel comfortable and start going there. people will talk to you, and you practice. I wouldnt exactly reccommend smoking, but honestly its one of the best ways to have short little conversations with strangers. What you need is PRACTICE and EXPOSURE.
Learn how to keep the other person talking, because most people love to talk about themselves.
just some notes from someone who was on a similar journey as you.
Overthinking is the killer for so many friendships and relationships.
I would say to focus on the moment and your own feelings about her and your relationship with her.
If you really can’t kick the thoughts of her being a better match with your friend and it is consistent & persistent… then I would recommend to end the relationship before you drive yourself crazy with these thoughts.
But also look at your feelings first! Don’t focus on external factors (the friend).
“I found out that you're a sex offender. I'm breaking up with you. Goodbye.”
Totally agree there, but it seems like OP is playing a part in that too. “I have been trying to talk to him _or bring it up to him for the last 3 days_”.This is a tell that she either A) beat the hell around the bush or B) didn’t actually talk to him. Just “tried to” and we know that effort could look like nothing at all.
Sorry if I’m coming off as combative, I hate how one-sided this sub can be sometimes. In a sub concerning literal relationships with people…
Are you concerned about her going to any bar or are you concerned because she maybe over drank? I’m a straight person who went to gay bars with friends all the time. These same gay friends would go to sports bars with me. If the issue is her being bi then wouldn’t any bar be a problem?
If it’s that she over drank everyone let’s loose sometimes if it’s not an everyday thing where her consumption is becoming a problem then let it go.
Either way I think you are reading too much in to the situation.
Hope you feel better about yourself. Being called misogynist doesn’t work anymore. You’re shooting blanks and no one’s running.
Btw. If he was your person OP, this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe he is but not the right time. Move on girl, seems like this best friend will always be a Problem.
OP is in the ER with symptoms of a potentially serious disease. She should have to order food for the person who is supposed to be caring and supporting her right now.
Today is xmas day, are you posting from the past.
Are you dating my gf lmao
…she just doesn’t like you that much
Lying about my own orgasm , why is it so personal for a man , when it’s my thing
Don't mention his body. If you want him to love himself then don't make it about weight.
I'm sorry to say this but he is projecting
Yikes! That lack of healthy communication skills is probably what is killing your intimacy in your relationship which is making her not want sex.
You have two choices here. Stay with her and do the actual work to improve your communication skills together. When issues come up, focus on the issue and talk it out instead of using phrases like “figure it out”. That is an immediate way to prevent an actual solution from happening. By working on communication, you will probably build intimacy which could change her stance on sex. That is assuming that there wasn't some kinda trauma that she has experienced. That's a whole other issue.
Or you can leave. You don't owe her the work you would need to put in to make the relationship functioning again ( or possibly for the first time).
Dogs sleep on floor when he’s over. They’ll survive.
I don’t know if I’d call myself geriatric. I was a resident athlete at the Olympic Training Center at 35. I have always been more active than most 40 yos. I do not drink, have never tried a drug, and this was my first age gap relationship. I did not see the signs of drug abuse or alcohol abuse because I’ve never been around that and I understood that we had an age difference and she would do things I’ve grown out of or never was into.
I was stupid and I don’t disagree I need to step away for my sons sake and make better decisions. I just don’t get why the fuck it hurts so much? It shouldn’t, I didn’t get her pregnant. I’m not stuck in that shit.
One of my other coworkers pulled me aside and said my old crush is shows people videos of something
You can go to HR and tell them about what's happening.
Well, he said he would do this if I ever cheated on him. I asked, what if I just fell out of love, and he said that was okay
My husband and I (who've been together 23 years) have the guideline that if we wouldn't do something in front of each other (flirting, messaging, etc) then it crosses the line.
It's up to you two to decide what's cheating and what isn't.
Thanks for the advice. I'll talk to him.
Yeah. She plans to baby trap you
I was so surprised when the question at the end of this story was “did she cheat?”and not “she’s gay, right?”
No he cannot force you to pay cash for either of those things. For the ring, returning the ring (likely in your state you would have to anyway if he asked for it) is the end of your obligation. Make sure you document that you returned it though. If he repeatedly denies, then document that and look into options for getting it legally declared yours (he still wouldn’t be able to sue you for the cash equivalent of this). The timeshares thing is outrageous. If you didn’t sign any paperwork with the company putting you on the hook then he has nothing to work with. It’s possible if there are recurrent payments you could be partially responsible for those payments until your name was removed, but it’s impossible to know without having those details. This guy is pulling shit out of his ass. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you luck with whatever you decide for your pregnancy. Put yourself first and protect yourself from this insane man.
Did you already know the bouncer beforehand?
I would just say that, “I can't meet up, because I am in a relationship that I'm serious about currently & my SO isn't comfortable about me being friends with a former FWB.
Why are you in such a rush? At least wait until your brain is fully mature (~25) before you make a lifelong commitment to someone
Had to laugh “ WTF was I doing ?”. I used to think that a lot, now I don’t even think of him
digital nomad
A digital nomad is someone who works remotely while traveling.
You need to talk to him face to face about how you're feeling. If there is nothing between them but friendship, then you need to determine what your boundaries are and if you're compatible.
I'm a woman who's best friend is a man and I'd feel horrible if I found out that my fri ndahip with him made his partner uncomfortable. I'd want to do everything I could to make her understand that I am not a threat and that I respect her and my friends relationship.
You getting with the mistress is the only way to solve this.
Honestly? If this is a relationship you both hope to see go the distance, you both need to take a step back.
Both of you need to focus on healing – therapy for each of you individually.
He needs to talk to an attorney and figure out how to end the relationship.
Do not get involved seriously with this guy until they are legally separated and heading towards divorce. He needs therapy to figure out what he wants to do and to heal and he needs to meet with an attorney to figure out how to disengage from the marriage.
Unless he meets with an attorney and begins moving forward with a divorce, assume that he plans to stay married in which case you are the other woman legally.
This relationship is over. Say goodbye to the dogs and move on with your life. She clearly doesn’t respect you – based on the comments you’ve made about her cheating throughout your entire relationship.
Love
I asked people what they would do out of curiosity like I stated in the post.
I wonder if his dad is critical of him in general which is especially hurtful as a child and the response/feelings just stays with you
so u rather just lie? horrible way to start marriage if you can't communicate about something as simple as a ring
I love my boyfriend I think he is super hot and I am so sexually attracted to him but when I look at sexy pictures to jerk off, it is not to him I like to look at different pictures of different people I would never cheat I would never have sex with another man but when I watch porn I like looking at different bodies having sex I like seeing other beautiful women I like seeing other handsome men it’s exciting and new and different and it’s fun I also think it’s harmless because I’m never ever gonna go to sleep with somebody else the only person I’m actually having sex with me by myself or with my boyfriend and that’s it but sometimes you get bored of eating fillet mignon every single night and you want to look at a burger
That is upsetting. If I were you I would get an IUD- condoms are not reliable long term. Sounds like this relationship isn’t strong enough to start a family. Often relationships don’t recover when there is this much resentment on both sides. He is resentful you terminated the pregnancy- you are resentful he was not supportive of your decision or your privacy.
You are not “unmanageable” based on what I just read. I understand the reasoning behind sharing location, it's a safety thing. But the fact he watches it that damn closely is concerning. It's one thing to check if you're running 30 minutes late to a planned meet up, I get checking that. But to ask why you went .25 miles out of your normal route? That's obsession.
I understand being hurt in the past, but he should not be taking his insecurities out on you. He should have a therapist to work through those.
Oh Geez! Stop with the drama!!
Nope, that's fatal, son.
Yes I did, because he responded after my post?
I’m still going to stand by my response. People need to stop assuming men are gay because they have a deep meaningful friendships with other men, the same go for men and women being friends.
Sounds like you are being smart. Keep doing what you are doing! You got this!
Wtf? So she blatantly breaks a relationship rule, says she will regain your trust when she comes back, BUT then she flips the script and turns herself into your victim whose trust you broke? Yep, I would say that is quite the mental gymnastics to play. You sure you want to date someone who so liberally turns themself into your victim every time they wrong you?
I feel like he usually does but only when things are good and going his way. It’s super upsetting bc as soon as anything goes wrong he can’t deal and forgets about me completely. Like he had a phase whenever we had a mild disagreement he would call me names and I had to force him to stop because I literally have trauma with that but even if I didn’t who calls people names when you’re upset? It’s little things like that I’ve brushed off because of love or whatever
He lied. But instead of getting upset, roll your eyes and move on. Stop caring.
Doesn’t hurt to have dirt on a cop
You know what everyone is going to say, right? You know this is not normal or healthy, so what are you doing with him?
Gun owner here. This is 100% bs. Pulling a gun on someone like that is extremely irresponsible. There was no reason to believe she was in danger. Plus you don’t pull a gun on someone to have a conversation. You do it to shoot. Accidents happen because of irresponsible gun owners like this.
You've said plenty about yourself. Your cognitive dissonance here is amazing.
I think it's great practice for you. Just keep it wrapped.
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I met her at college. She told me she was a lonely woman and thought I am very attractive and mature for my age. She also said I made her smile for the first time in a long time. I don't know what to do. I've never been successful with girls in general and I think she's very attractive for her age. What do you guys think I'm nervous
Skip it entirely. Your mother is trying to erase your father. The only other option – is to dance with both to part of the song you pick.
But …. What About Bob? Jk, sounds like Bob wants people to fight for him to come.. and he's hopefully going to be disappointed.
Cheat on her to prove your point? The hell do you mean, what should you do. She's asking you to spend more time with her not debate the finer points of pettiness.
Go spend more time with her my man. Not sure why this is so complicated to you.
If it bothers you tell her to give your number next time. That’s what my girlfriend does when she’s repeatedly asked and pressured into giving her number. When she feels backed into a corner she gives mine. I’ve had some awfully funny exchanges
Because you keep insisting the same wrong behaviour and you don't understand what you did wrong in the first place. If you want to date others give to the people you are seeing the same choice to not be exclusive with you!!!
What high school teen drama is this. Just talk to your husband.