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?????? ????????? . . . !, 25 y.o.
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Date: November 2, 2022
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She literally was prepared to continue with the story of being raped up until the point when you reacted so strongly she realised the story was going to be exploded by your actions. She would have continued to lead you to believe she didn't cheat on you if you'd just shut up and accepted it and continued to sympathise with her. How can you trust this woman with absolutely anything she says to you ever again? She's broken pretty much every social and marital compact you have together.
And as for the mistake, it was deliberate and a choice. Why would she have to lie to you so outrageously if it wasn't such a hideous betrayal of you? Start valuing yourself more, you act like a carpet with far too little self worth.
Exactly! I feel a huge lack of confidence from OP, and it's very naked to have an amazing sex when you lack confidence.
When I have sex, I always try to feel like I'm the most huge balls porn actor ever, and I always f* like there's no tomorrow.
In the end, everyone is different, it's not a thing of being better or worse, you are unique and so is the way you do things in bed.
So my advice to you is, forget about the other guys and just try to enjoy the sex as much as you can.
I think yes, birth control isnt 100% effective. It was just back luck and a shame you werent able to bring that up before this happened, he should have known better than to say “she is on it so free sex yaaay”
Ive been taking pills for almost two years now (for very irregular periods), not once my partner decided to “remove his condom” and we did have a talk about it, he didnt ask your opinion, he should have.
Best of luck OP
The important thing to add to the โCOMMUNICATEโ comments is: donโt make him feel bad for opening up to you and wanting his partner to be included in what goes on in his head. Thatโs a good thing. Donโt lose that.
In my experience, a relationship works best when both partners actively seek to fulfill each others wants, needs, and desires. You donโt have to โloveโ pegging. But if it gave him pleasure and he was truly appreciative, wouldnโt you love that?
Hereโs my question: does he seek to not just learn about, but actively seek to fulfill your needs and desires?
Look man, even if what she told you was 100% the truth, you would be an absolute imbecile to take any of it as mitigating factors.
Dump her.
Yes. Itโs coercion, sexual assault and was almost rape.
I'm aware I'm projecting frustration; I'm trying to do that here instead of with him. I'm really trying to understand this perspective.
Do you think your story would have changed had you been in significant pain that affected your daily life? It's not like I had no idea, and he didn't draw attention to it. He had visible swelling and serious other symptoms and led me to believe he wasn't doing anything about it. In other words, he left me to worry longer alone. I don't see how that's protective.
Also, how do you determine when you'll deny your spouse the chance to be there for you? Do you get the opportunity to provide support for them? As someone who's been on both sides, “I don't want to do that to him” sounds like “I don't want to risk relying on him to handle his own feelings well enough to care about me more than him.”
That would have been the message for me that we were not meant to be
My ex posted on their dating apps “I'm very close to my ex; if you don't like that you can move on.” Now has a lovely relationship with someone that respects our long friendship
Please don't have a child with this man. If you want to stay with him while he recovers from his substance abuse issues, fine. Maybe he'll change. But the stress of a child will not be conductive to him changing his behavior.
If you want to have the child, leaving him is the only safe option.
So, leave him and have the kid OR abort the pregnancy and see if you can help him thru his problems. Doing both is a recipe for disaster.
He is really insecure. We all are to an extent. He needs to get help for it I think.
He does clean up. But I also pick up after him and don't mention it. He just ALWAYS mentions it when he picks up after me. We've tried a schedule, but probably need to revisit that again. Thanks, he is being a jerk lol.
OP screw them both! U do not owe them anything and keep those high ass boundaries my girl there are way too many damn young woman that would excuse this or allow them to creep back in. You can forgive bt u don't need them in ur life they arent to be trusted at all!
Protect urself because most of the time ur the only one that will! ?
Youโd be surprised how well time boxing works. I talk about my shit for x minutes, then you go, etc. But really each couple needs to find a conversation style that works for them. Friends of mine literally agreed that they donโt care what the other person talks about, but theyโll be as engaged as they can be and ask questions and stuff simply because they want their partner to return the favor. Maybe try talking to him aboutโฆtalking.
An imbalance like that is always bad for a relationship. I'd look for someone more mature and “developed” so you don't have to act like a mother.
Yeah Id stay where you feel safest. If your family is protective might be good to be with your dad
Anyone else not think the gf will secretly be happy that now he can focus on staying in bed and helping with baby and not moaning hes tired in morning.
I didnโt know that
Anyone who said they don't want you to go to therapy does not have your best interests in mind.
Only exception would be if it was a specific therapist they said to avoid due to a badel experience with them. Sounds like this woman isn't much of a friend at all.
Oh, I must have misread that part.
His solution is for me to just keep him in check by looking at the statements each month. I guess I will be some prison warden.
I'm sorry but that's really not an option. At all. It's not your responsibility to keep him honest – he needs to actually be honest. Can you imagine not being able to turn your head for a single moment because then he'll just destroy everything? That's how toddler's act. He's basically a manchild.
This marriage is just 1 year in and it's already causing immense mental and emotional strain on you because of problems he refuses to address. You really need to start thinking about yourself – not him or your marriage – YOURSELF.