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♡ SHEILA ♡, y.o.
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Date: October 24, 2022
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what’d she snitch on you for
Are you married to my ex wife?
My ex stopped working full time just before our first child was born. I would always help with the housework when I got home from working 10 hour days, and I spent more quality time with the kids than she did. I would cook most dinners we had, and do grocery shopping on the weekend.
She pulled the anxiety card about going out, but not driving. She had no problem going through drive thru at fast food establishments.
When our children were 10 & 12, and I suggested her going back to work, she got pregnant again. I got a vasectomy not long after.
She was also a nasty drunk, gave me black eyes several times, and I often had scratches on my neck.
One night she chased me with a knife, my daughter called the cops on her, she got taken away, and now I hardly have anything to do with her. My older 2 children don't have much to do with her, the youngest spends every second weekend with her.
What is amazing is that the muscle condition, and anxiety that was preventing her from working, magically disappeared and now she can work. She even pays me maintenance.
When are you getting married to him? Once you do make sure to add your name to everything and get a living will…in case something happens and you or him have to make final decisions.
You're focused on the wrong things here. It hardly matters that she dated while you were broken up if the two of you have incompatible “culture/beliefs”. It's easier to feel aggrieved that she had the temerity to behave as a single person when she was a single person than to accept that there's just no longterm future here. Unless one of you is willing to jettison your “beliefs” you and she are never going to be able to make this work. Emotion without pragmatism will lead you to wasting more time than necessary on this.
He’s not even trying if it’s gaming hours of increased and you’re still not getting any time I would tell you to sort of leave him alone for a while I’m gonna call him or be around him and when he calls and he wants to know why so you don’t make time for me so I don’t think we’re together anymore. If you’re living with him find a way to get out.
How do you mean do couples talk about this? This is your first relationship that is way to short to put up with this. Don’t set your standards that low right from the start. Respect yourself, you will go insane if you stay. If you forgive once, you’re going to forgive again.. and then you have a pattern you will hardly get out of.
Which means you don’t have a good grasp on loyalty or fidelity or trust. Cheating once is a bad enough betrayal and breach; doing it more than once is disgusting and downright flagrantly disrespectful to your partner.
Thank you for saying this. I hate hate hate to see the “drunk words are sober thoughts” phrase applied unilaterally because it’s simply not true.
There is a lot of value in speaking the truth.
“I need to be clear about your health and appearance. It is affecting my ability to love you. I’m willing to stick this out if I see improvement, but if you won’t fight for yourself, I’m not going to fight for you”.
Then let him make his own decisions. You’re not shallow. He stopped trying and his appearance is just the most noticeable casualty.
You forcing a decision in the span of a month was a bit of a sabotage.
She's probably still reeling with, grieving, and processing the news of your disease and the mortality of the man she loves, in addition to thinking what it means for her future if you stay together (children, caregiving, etc) and the pressures of her family. This is not a decision she needs to make in a month.
It would probably be beneficial for you both to attend a visit with your genetic counsel together. You also probably need some time to evaluate whether your desire to have this decision made right now is also coming from a grieving, self-pitying, and reactive place where you hope to push her away, or if you can see the ~20-30 good years you may be able to have together as well.
20+ years is a long time, and there may be medical advances, or (not to be too morbid) death with dignity options that may be accessible to you if the focus is on that inexorable end-of-life stage.
This can certainly cause issues later on. Now, islam itself doesn't matter (I have read Koran, Sira and Hadises, and oh boy I am glad minority of muslims actually follows what is written there). What matters are expectations will she and her family have of you.
For example, If you live in western country, and plan to have children, are you prepared to deny them freedoms their peers will have? Not to mentions what happens, should they decide to become apostates.
That is just one of potential problems, discuss them in advance in your to be wife, to know what you are signing off for.